is this consider friendzone

Post Reply New Topic

No, the ego is a great word to use actually. the ego of one individual will be boosted, while the other one gets bruised sometimes. Friendzone applies to a scenario where there is no genuine connection to be considered, it's all about the bruised ego of the individual who thought they had a chance to get laid, only to find out they never did. The woman in this scenario possibly saw the other guy's ego instead of his actual feelings and rejected him due to fear of being emotionally compromised. This isn't exactly what hyperlexian is saying at all, but it is just another opinion.

I would agree friendzone puts friendship in a negative context.

But I don't think it's because one person wants to disvalue the other person.

It's because one person carried a strong sexual attraction and desire for more, which then won't get. It is a negative thing for them.

I would say that saying "I was friendzoned" is pretty much the same as saying "they wanted to just be friends, and that really dissapoints me". Usually there is some spite such as "why does that person think there so much better that I'm not worthy?"

Why do you assume it's about getting laid? Just because some people only think about sex does not mean everyone else does.

Assumption? I have seen many cases where it was about just that, and I have seen a couple friends openly complain on facebook about it and wonder why they can't get girlfriends.

That doesn't make it right to generalize. It's just going to give more ammo to sexists who push the idea that men are pigs.

You may be right about generalizing, but there still is truth to it. Men are typically more egotistical then women are anyway.

I'm willing to take a bet that the guys only looking to get laid, aren't looking for girlfriends or a romantic relationship. If they haven't actually told you that getting laid was the only purpose then how would you know that? A lot of guys who complain about so-called "involuntary celibacy" usually also want the romantic relationship rather than just sex, so just sleeping with someone, such as having one-night stands for example, won't fix their problem.



This is a common stereotype of men but I've never seen it really backed up by facts. To the extent that it might be true, it's mostly to do with traditional views on masculinity and peer pressure rather than the actual feelings of individual men. I'm not egotistical.

Not necessarily to get laid but to have the girl fall in love with you. It's really more an ego thing than just a matter of wanting to get laid.

You're right when there is no way of knowing without asking. But sometimes and in the cases I have seen through Facebook, the attitude seems to portray exactly that. There is also one person that is so desparate for love and validation and it's obvious. Women don't want that and I have heard them say this countless times.
I was never calling any individual on this website egotistical. However the point I am getting at and we have seen a few men on here complain about how they can't get women to like them and they refuse to listen to the advice given to them. The problem here is all about clash of the egos because everyone wants to be right. It gets even better when I will now admit: Yes I was wrong to generalize, and yes I was wrong to start arguments. I do know what I am communicating and I think I missed the point earlier. The ego is always a problem in establishing friendships and relationships as it is the real source of fear in everyone. Men are more egotistical in this regard as they fear being committed when most women don't. This fear is the perception that they are giving up their freedom. On the other hand: The reason why men can't take the rejection from the women they have some romantic interest in is because their ego won't allow no for an answer. This utlimately ends up being the reason why the friendship doesn't work for a lot of people in this scenario as the lady can't stand being around the man who can't let it go and be just friends.

Which is why cutting the friendship after such damage is the wise thing to do. But some guys don't want to let go because they always have this hope that something good will eventually happen out of this, and some girls can't seem to understand that such guys often have more than enough buddies in their lives and just want a relationship with a woman for a change.

It's a s**t situation for both sides.

It's what we call letting go. If we can't do that, we continue to suffer.

People have issues letting go.

You could pick up several chick lit novels about love that mentioned a past relationship. In about 75% of them or more the female protagonist cant let go of this past relationship for whatever reason.
Quite a lot of females feel that they can relate to this kind of books because they understand the main character´s situation...

This is not the case in my experience.

I was friends with a girl, then I became "More than friends, less than boyfriend" with said girl. I took her to shows, took her out to eat, took her to movies, spent huge amounts of time with her, let her borrow my car, We were dating in all but name, if it had continued that way I would have had to stop being her friend as it put me in a situation where she was perfectly content to let me pay for everything but wasn't willing to commit to being in a relationship with me. After a few weeks though it progressed.. at her behest.. and I was more than happy for it to do so. Then when she ran off with some one else, she claimed she wanted everything to go back to the way it was before... She wanted me to go back to being in that nebulous area between being "Just Friends", and being her "Boyfriend", where I would rush over at 3 am to talk to her when she was depressed or take her out to see a concert, but she wouldn't have to be in an exclusive relationship with me anymore. In other words, the nebulous zone, for lack of a better term dubbed the friend zone which isn't a very good name for it I admit.. is a way for a girl to have her cake and eat it too. She gets the benefit of having a really nice boyfriend, who is emotionally supportive and well liked by her family.. but still gets to have the boyfriend who she has raunchy sex with and who buys her drugs and would do all the things I wouldn't take part in.

Needless to say, that wouldn't have been fair on my part. We WERE friends, and we would have stayed very good friends in fact, but she made it impossible for us to remain friends due to her choices, and the admission that she still wanted to me to do for her, and voluntarily place myself back into that nebulous area and just continue to sit and wait for her to get done having "Fun" and 'Experiencing" things.. just cemented the fact that she had been using me all along.. and that what I thought was our very good friendship which had organically turned into what basically EVERYONE, including by her own admission, was a very healthy romantic relationship.. was either all a lie.. or something that she did on a lark and really meant nothing to her. She said numerous times that I was her "Best Friend" and she certainly did a good job of pretending.. even telling me all manner of deep and dark truths about herself in the bitter watches of the night. But in the end, none of it really meant that much to her since she threw me away like an empty gum wrapper.

I still miss my friend..and I worry about her due to the choices she made.. but I don't want her back badly enough to debase myself or allow myself to be hurt emotionally again.

that doesn't actually sound like a good friend in the slightest, so i am not clear about your point. seeing as how you characterise her treatment of you as debasement, that is pretty clearly not a recipe for friendship. friends don't debase each other.

See you seem to have misunderstood what I was saying.. what I was saying was I thought and I think she thought, we were very good friends.. She just thought that in order for me to be her friend I had to do whatever it was she wanted 100% of the time.. be that as mundane as watching Footloose with her all the way to taking her to the otherside of Atlanta to see a concert. To a certain extant I'd do those things for a "Just Friend".. but I wouldn't do ALL of it for anyone but a girlfriend or a wife.. some one who you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

The 'Debasement' is what would have been required in order for us to remain friends after she broke up with me. She wanted me to continue to do 100% of the things I was doing while we were dating.. all while knowing she was having sex with some one else... who is a complete dirtbag. In other words she's come to the realization that she can't find 100% of what she really wants in the same person.. and so she needs multiple "Not-Boyfriends" in order to get it all.. instead of doing what the normal person would do and settling on some one you get MOST of what you want from..

^^^you're proving my point. you were not proper friends during the relationship, and it was unsustainable afterwards. you were putting up with wayyyy more stuff than you would have done from a friend. some of that is a fact of a relationship, but she went way above and beyond what any person should expect really.

there wasn't any "friendzone" i can see, she was just being a nasty user (abuser?). your attempt to characterise it as something girls tend to do is really unfair to the many females who do not act like that,