Online dating...

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See like I love swimming and plan to take advantage of the fact the school I'm trasfering too has a pool..

I wanna get a bit closer to ottermode

How did I ever think badly of online dating? I s**t you people not, first girl I messaged not only messaged me back, but told me I had the best opener she'd seen yet on the site! She likes all the same music as me, likes to do all the same kinds of things as me, and just generally seems to have a similar outlook on life to me. Added bonus: She's never been in a real relationship before either! I'm really hoping this goes somewhere, and I'm hopeful about it. I avoided physical compliments in the first message, but in the second one I threw a "you're cute" in there somewhere where it seemed like it fit. If she messages me back again, I think I'm gonna try to get her number!

But surely, with the very fact of having Asperger's Syndrome I am effectively firmly IN the 'complete loser' category, as judged by the average socially savvy person, otherwise having Asperger's wouldn't be a disability in the first place would it?

So if I'm socially disadvantaged in face to face interaction it's logical that I'd be drawn to a method that enabled me to meet
people more easily

I have a stigmatised condition; being me is a stigma, so online dating having a stigma makes no odds to me as I'm already in the stigmatised camp already!

I just deal with the people who don't notice or take account of my condition hence it becomes irrelevant

people who are bothered by my difference don't interact with me full stop so I am not forced to deny it or pretend to be
other than who I am

If a method of meeting people more like yourself works, why knock it?

I met my longest term boyfriend while working in a pub but I was younger then and did more social things

We were together 7 years but we weren't intellectually compatible, despite him being a very nice person. I've met people who I'm far more intellectually compatible with via online dating and discussion boards, so I'd say online methods are a very good way to find friends as well as partners for people who aren't into socialising in pubs etc

I have been involved in online dating for 10 years,,,, im not impressed so far,,, the majority of men my age are attached,, married,, or disabled NTs,,Ive met maybe 10 or so in person,,one i lived with,, turned out to be alcoholic,, another i met was a spouse abuser,,yet another a convicted child molester,, i realize there are decent people online,, but those tend to find someone and hook up fast,,

Some of the above might be because I am aspie and cant read signs.. or deny what i do see,, but the fact is that all the major online dating sites ,, and Ive been at one time or the other on all of them,,are full of scammers,,pervs and players.. be careful.

Peoples' experiences are going to vary

There are good and bad people online, just as there are in real life

It sounds as if you aren't that good at filtering out the dodgy people

I agree with this.

Real life is no certainty to meeting the right people. It's actually harder because it is time consuming. For me, it's hardly an option anyway, as I don't actively socialise.

It all depends on how outgoing a person is and how many opportunities they have for socialising. If you don't have a group of friends how are you going to go out to pubs and meet people? Who will you be going with?

I'm certainly not saying I think that stigma is fair.. I wish Online Dating was just looked at as "another way of dating".. but it's not quite gotten there yet.

Soon hopefully since it seems like a few people here have managed to find good luck that way. Hopefully you will also.

I just feel that Online dating is ultimately just an extension of whatever your regular dating pool is in whatever area you're in.. If you're in an area like me where almost 90% of the people identify as Christian.. online dating isn't really going to help me out that much since 90% of the women on the online dating site still identify as Christian.. I don't have anything against Christians either really.. it's just that my state can't find funding for a freaking science museum in our biggest city.. yet we have half a dozen 'Creation museums' that stay open with no problems..

In my opinion online dating has already reached the status of 'just another way of dating'

Individuals may see it as having a stigma but the majority don't have a strong opinion on it in my opinion

Last edited by nessa238 on 03 Mar 2013, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that could be a cultural thing, since I see you're in the UK.. cause here the only appropriate places to meet women are Bars and Churches.. anything else is suspect.

That amazes me seeing as America and American issues and culture dominates the internet to such an extent

it's bizarre!

rabbitts what about work?

I have been using online dating for as long as I can remember, I recall yahoo chat rooms and ultimately a lot of people using them to meet potential partners. Especially Americans. Maybe they were from the North of the USA? I guess your country is so large it's like some states are still trapped in the 40's?

I'm not sure though, because obviously I am not American (although I have family living in NY and LA).

Oh I'm sure a lot of people meet their mates at work, but I live in a VERY economically depressed area.. so it's far more likely you will meet through through Bars or Churches or probably a mutual meth dealer.


I'm speaking Strictly for my very small corner of America.. I imagine if you go to a bigger place it would both be easier to meet people and be less looked down upon to use online dating.. where I'm at it's not all that uncommon for people not to even have a computer...

If you've ever seen the TV show Squidbillies, where I live is very much like what's shown on that show.

That's awesome that you've had some success so quickly! I hope that it continues
I think the thing with other people judging online dating..well that's probably because they've never had the need to try it. I know my most recent ex was embarrassed we'd met online and basically made me lie to his mum saying we met through mutual friends. I had to maintain that lie throughout the relationship even though it made me uncomfortable (i'm not a good liar and we dated 18 months!) and even though my own family and friends knew the truth.

Anyway I guess some people might judge online dating because it's not the norm for them. But who gives a flip what they think, I mean you're not trying to meet them because obviously they're not online, dating! Anyone you do meet through an online mechanism is not going to think any less of you because they're doing it themselves. And I think you'll find the more you talk to people about it (or mention it, if you want to) they more you'll find that people will say ''oh i tried that once' or 'so and so in my family met online' etc because it really is becoming a standard way to meet people nowadays. Before I met my ex I did think it was still a little bit 'unusual' to be meeting people 'online' and wasn't entirely comfortable telling anyone and everyone i'd tried it. However when I moved to where I live now, where there is very clearly a 'man drought' I was talking to somone at work who is the last person I'd expect to be 'online dating'...and she was telling me about this new relationship and I was like 'oh where did you meet' and she says ''online that's the only way to meet men around here''. So it just goes to show that it is totally becoming completely normalised behaviour for many people. Don't feel ashamed of it because you may be missing out on meeting that one great girl that you wouldn't have met otherwise.

Yes, this is exactly what I meant - online dating is becoming normal/has become normal to a lot of people these days

My final conclusion about local online dating:
It's a haven for : very obese , extremely hideous and sexy but nut job (Creeps, crazy...etc) women and combinations of those.