Why 3 days and not 2 or 4?

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That might be true.

Lori, it sounds as if you know that communicating what you want and need is important and that is vital for the success of any relationship. And it appears he listens to. Does he communicate his wants and needs effectively and how?[/quote]

I like to think I am. I just really accept all people as they come. Don't feel the need to change them. I am a quirky person myself.. not Aspie quirky but just a little non typical lol. I don't think that the majority of NT women don't want to be accommodating as much as if an NT guy behaved the same way as an aspie guy it would be for a different reason. It is self defense and the inability to judge each person individually that makes most that way. Until I found my way to this site and all of you I didn't understand a lot of things. It was all of you explaining things that made me understand where he is coming from and made our life better. For that I am truly grateful.. and I try to return that as much as I can.

Does he communicate his wants effectively. For him or for me? He has always put them out there... I just didn't always grasp his meaning. Before I knew he was Aspie he would try but I wasn't receiving it the right way. Perfect example after tension building up for some time because his nose was in the computer all day as I paid the bills, did all the housework and was pregnant with our child and it was a difficult pregnancy.. and I was going to school all day... we got into an argument about it all. He said.. then you should have told me all that instead of your BS passive aggressive behavior. (true I am non confrintational and use P/A to get my point across.. it is a rather ineffective method I no longer practice) If I ask you what is wrong and you say nothing I am just gonna take you at that and move on. I will never sit around trying to figure out if there is a hidden meaning... and if you want me to do something just tell me and I will do it. What I heard.. yeah yeah you are being whiney.. I can't be bothered to play your stupid game you don't matter that much to me and I can't be bothered to see what you think needs to be done so if you want me to do anything for you then grovel for it. I laid off the P/A a good deal and would ask him to take the trash out, ask him to sweep the floor and the next day I would have to ask him again.. and again and sometimes two or three times. This upset me because after me asking I thought he would know what kinds of things I want from him. I totally understand it all now because I better speak his language.. and he has learned that he has to soften things a bit. I have learned that I have to be very specific if I want him to repeat a task over and over without me having to say it over and over. What I want, why I want it and how I want it.. serves me well. So the communication is effective because we better understand each other and because if there is any confusion we ask the questions right away. Most of the questions not being asked were my fault. I was always intimidated because he made me feel stupid.. he didn't do anything it was my perception.. Not knowing he was aspie I misread his lack of facial expression and comment when I would say something as he thinks I am stupid or foolish.. when in fact he was trying to process my meaning and how I felt about what I had said and how much trouble he was in.. no weather he was in trouble but how much. So I will say.. I just need clarification and then ask a question or say.. either way is fine I will not be upset with you.. but did you mean this or that. Sometimes I get the blank look while he trys to figure me out but he trusts that I will not be upset and only wants to know if accidently messed something up and I know what is going through his head so I give it time and then take his response at face value. So.. he effectivly throws his needs and wants out there sometimes we just have to talk it out to make sure we are both hearing the same thing