Losing my mind over the need for affection

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I can relate to the OP. Combined with my own personal experiences, I'm starting to believe that the reason some of us lack success in the romantic realm is because we look for something that only very very few people look for in the romantic realm.

I have no problem befriending women, I get along fine with women, they flirt with me a lot, they tell me I'm a great guy, they come to me for relationship advice, yet they don't want me as a boyfriend and their boyfriends are nothing like me. At first I used to be cynical, and adopt the "women like a**holes" mentality. But while this might be true for some, it's not always true, and there is a lot more going on that just that.

It boils down to this: What most people (women) look for in a relationship is different from what you or I look for. Well, that's obvious, Sherlock. But really step back and think about what that means and see how it manifests in your life.

Sure they might genuinely see me as an awesome guy, a guy they can turn to when they're having trouble with their relationships etc. They might cherish my ability to listen, and my wisdom. Yet when it comes to relationship, this is not what they want. They might want a feeling of physical security. they might want social status, or someone who reminds them of a father figure they never had, or financial security etc. etc. Which is why they would date a 6 foot 5 inches tall guy even though they are only 4 foot 9 inches. The value of the sense of physical security they feel trumps any other potential downsides or flaws that exist in that guy.

As for me, what I look for is that abstract John Keats style "sighing under the moonlight" idealized form of romance. Lots of gentle touches, and physical affection (NOT necessarily sex). I want to woo her with my poetry and piano compositions (I'm an amateur musician). Sadly for me, not too many contemporary women are looking for that in a relationship. So no matter how great a guy they might think I am, I am not 6 foot 5, and wont provide the sense of physical security they want from a relationship if physical security via height is what they are looking for in a relationship.

Basically you have to wait until the stars align and you're lucky enough to find a woman who appreciates what you offer and is looking for that in a relationship. Maybe you are a man who offers financial security, maybe you are a man who offers height, maybe you are a man who offers the sensitivity and introspection of an artist, maybe you are a man who will make all her friends jealous because of your prestigious job etc. etc.

All this seems so simplistic and obvious, yet it took me years of confusion,and pain to figure this out.

Everyone feels like this

I felt my virginity was like a millstone around my neck that I needed to get rid of and it didn't happen until age 21

It's normal to want to experience all life has to offer and it will come - don't panic

I would say that you are talking about two different goals though

1. losing virginity

2. finding a partner for a relationship

The one can be achieved far more easily than the other in my opinion

I'd be more concerned with finding a partner, myself. Sexual urges can be mastered by exhausting yourself on other fronts - extreme!
At ~35, probability of genetic defects in offspring increase greatly, (reguardless of gender). I'll truly panic when I'm a 30-year-old-virgin.

As another note: I read somewhere that women are psychologically considered adults at ~18-20 years old. Men are psychologically considered adults at aroud mid-20's. There is a reason older men date younger women.

well im 18 and never had a gf. I kno it suks. I think about it sometimes. But remember this, people don't respond to negativity very well. So you gotta be positive than people will be drawn to you. What im trying to say is, you need a serotonin boost. Ever tried going to church? You should try that.

Oh yah, I recommend getting a pet dog and getting counseling. That stuff helps with stress.

I feel like I'm losing my mind too.

I'm not asking for hot sex, just a cuddle every now and then would be enough for me- but you're not allowed to cuddle women unless you're already having sex with them, and you can't have sex with them until you follow 101 stupid rules about dating and play the game for months and take their stupid s**t and I just can't stand it.