Age differences.

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that's another good point.. for all intents and purposes I may be 22-23 in terms of maturity and where my life is at BEST.. at worst I'm really more like a 17 year old.

I run about 10 years behind on most stuff, and I have absolutely no idea about modern social networking beyond facebook.. I don't have a smart phone.. and I really am getting to the point where I don't understand people my own age or younger because I just am out of touch with cultural points they are all familiar with.

And the worst part is.. i really don't care enough to learn about any of them because I know in a year or two it's all going to get replaced with something else anyway.

Don't sell yourself short. Most of us on this site, regardless of our chronological age, have the same issues. It's not a matter of maturity, it's a question that we do mature and we do get legitimate life experience, but with a filter between us and the NTs. There are pros and cons. Remember that most deceptive behavior, goofy social games, and vindictive behaviors are learned through the NT style osmosis of body language and tone of voice. Generally speaking, we are free of that. So, I think it's legitimate to say that you have a type of maturity that virtually no NT has. Personally, I think that's a good thing. And for NTs, their extra forms of communication often include false messages and misinterpretations that they never detect, because they seem intuitively obvious. How many times do you hear about an NT that is fallen in love with someone, then lives with them, and later complains that they weren't what they thought?

well yeah you're right.. but realizing that, or recognizing that, doesn't really make it any easier to interact with other people.

I share your feeling. Even when we try our best, the vast majority of NT's don't. And it only takes one or a few to mess things up terribly. Personally, I think we as autistics, should not work much more closely and foster a greater level of tolerance and appreciation among ourselves. If I was in your shoes, and I effectively am, I try to connect with some nice autistic babe. From what I've seen here, a lot of them are really attractive, smart, and interesting. Some of them have issues with her feelings toward men, that probably can't be fixed. But a lot seem like prime prospects.

As a side note, I'm considering making the public suggestion that autistic people try to concentrate themselves in a few areas. I don't think it's possible to change the world, at least not in rapid order. But, if we pick a few different urban areas and concentrate ourselves, we may have enough clout and notoriety to positively affect the local environment. If that was the case, there could be lots of nice social activities where we could actually meet each other and find out what works and what doesn't. Last summer, I taught a class of autistic students, and I found their company absolutely great. It was a truly refreshing experience. Getting together with a bunch of autistic people is a lot of fun.

I have to respectfully disagree with this. I'm 37, I look about 18 and I act about 25. My favorite place in the world is Disneyland, I play video games and most of my friends are about 5-10 years younger than I am. I don't think I've lost my youthful thoughts. I have kids and can "handle my business" if I have to. I own my own home. With all that said I orchestrated the most awesome Star Wars party for my son any of his friends had seen. Decorated the house and wore one of my Star Wars shirts. My best friend (5 years younger) made a dress out of Star Wars material.... I think it depends on the person.

Few things are absolute. There is usually a range of normal variance and there are always exceptions. However, there are general and predominant trends. I'm glad that you enjoy the benefits of autism without being autistic. In and of itself, that is a great achievement. If you can put that in a pill, people will buy it.

Hmmm. Does your empty response mean "no comment"?

LOL!! It means it's late and I screwed up my post! What I thought I was posting was this:

Thing about it is, all of my friends are like this. They are all NT. We are just a quirky bunch! I just don't think Neurology has anything to do with it.

Perhaps, there is something in the water where you live. Or, something more sinister. Have you ever watched the Outer Limits? I mean, the old black and white Outer Limits.

I don't know if it's the water...I prefer Twilight Zone. New Years eve marathon!! ! Hey come to think of it, a couple I'm friends with have the entire series on DVD, They are also Trekkies!(I"m a light weight Trekkie myself) The more I think about it, the more quirky I think we are. We just don't realize it because we are all that way. Maybe that's why my Aspie guy friend and I get along so well. He introduced me to Game of Thrones! and yet another addiction is born. Everything he has recommended I've liked. He got me into watching The IT Crowd (British Comedy).

Eerie Indiana!

I get accused of sleeping in tupperware all the time!

I remember that show!! ! Didn't watch it though.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 34 and interact best with people, especially women in their low to mid 20s. Due to societal norms, the idea of dating someone 10+ years younger than myself seems creepy, at least right now. I don't think I'd feel the same if I was 44 dating someone 34, but it seems wrong at this stage.

It's an artificial social norm. There've been a lot of them and many still exist. Some of them were the blacks and whites do not work well together, and woman should not do intellectually challenging work, and poor people should not mix with the rich. Today, there are still those social biases, such as autistic people should be shunned and people in different age groups should not date. It's a matter of socially imposed intuition and automatic thoughts. It's like presuming that a person who cannot make eye contact is dishonest. It really is presuming that a person who is older is ill motivated and wrongful in a relationship of younger person. They are all metaphors of the same thing: prejudice often outweighs principle.

I found that I developed an apprehension, or even mild fear, of women in my age range, which is between ages 28 and 34. Stereotypically---and stereotypes do come from somewhere---women around the age of 30 seem to be in a race against time to settle down, get married, and have children. I have absolutely zero interest in those things now, if ever. (My parents argued pretty much daily, which is what caused me to move out, among other things.) So given what I have witnessed as I was growing up, marriage and children are the farthest things from my mind, societal pressure be damned. My fears are driven mainly by being "trapped" (that's by pregnancy) and by being obliterated financially in a divorce. Having said that, I still seek out activities that require a female partner (wink wink): dancing, making out, petting, even dates. But getting a long-term relationship and commitment, that's where my fear and apprehension kick in and stop me from getting into a committed long-term relationship. Ironically, ten years ago, I wanted a committed long-term relationship more than anything.

While I had no success with college-age and early 20-something women when I was that age myself, I now find their company mood-elevating and refreshingly FUN! Even, or maybe especially, when the interactions are largely platonic. They're still at the age when they're finding themselves, not really looking to settle down, and learning their way about life, much like I am. According to studies, aspies are at 2/3rds maturity of their chronological age. So that put me, a man pushing 30, right at their age of maturity. Case in point: when I was on a cruise, I ended up joining a group of early 20-something guys and girls, when dancing at a bar in port . I must have been the oldest person in their group, but they welcomed me as an equal. The girls just seemed so much fun to talk to, even though nothing happened beyond a few light hugs and dancing for one song with a girl in the group. Knowing the social etiquette, I also made sure to interact with the guys. I also get the same pleasant vibes when going out to Latin dance clubs and asking a young woman to dance.

I also find myself interested in women 35 and older. By then, many of them either already got married and had kids, and are now divorced. Or gave up. As a result, they're already past the settle down thing, and are no longer in a race to do so. Also, they've had some bad life experiences, and have become jaded somewhat, much like I've become jaded by the endless barrage of sensory issues, bullying, and romantic rejections I got when I was younger. While I gloss over the bad parts when sharing my life story, the general jadedness and lack of pressure to settle down is what puts me at ease with women in this age group. Having had a variety of experiences, they seem to understand that me looking to settle down and commit is not a given. While they may adjust the things that may happen accordingly (limited or no intimacy, for example), I like how they're not in a race against time to find a man to commit with. I've dated older women in the past, and while relationships didn't last long, they were very positive experiences that ended with no bitter feelings.

One thing I found is that the younger women at treating me with exponentially more respect now that I'm older. While in the past, they'd think nothing of saying "get away from me, you creep", now their rejections are more like "thanks for asking, but I'm not looking to dance" or a more terse "no, thanks". One girl from the cruise, when I asked her to dance salsa, even touched my arm while giving me a beaming smile, and said "No, I'm good. But I'm glad you asked. I think I saw you dancing with that tall girl earlier. You were really good." I smiled back, and said: "hey, it's cool; I'll save you a dance if you change your mind," (a polite stock phrase used by NTs in social dancing when responding to a "good" turn-down like this one) and let her be. I walked away smiling; she turned me down, and we didn't dance together later, but I didn't even feel rejected. Whether it's because I'm older or because I actually act less creepy, I'm still wondering.

And finally, I apologize proactively for stereotypes and preconceived notions. But it's something I picked up from observation. And that's the only data I have. And the above paragraphs were written to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Now, on with my question: any other aspie guys/men in their late 20's to early 30's feel comfortable with older or younger women, but uneasy with women their age?

Last edited by Aspie1 on 23 Mar 2013, 1:56 pm, edited 5 times in total.