16 May 2013, 5:29 am
16 May 2013, 5:33 am
16 May 2013, 7:35 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
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Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
16 May 2013, 8:08 am
MCalavera wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Quote:
Male aspies don't have the same problem, because they are stuck with the unenviable social position of being expected to pursue.
I do envy that. I hate that I'm expected to just wait until he makes a move. I would like to say, "hey do you want to catch a coffee?" But the last time I did that the guy looked away shyly and said "no it's ok." That was about 5 years ago. I've decided that I'm not making the moves anymore. Waste of my time. I like my friend's friend, I don't know him that well, but what I do know I like, but I think he'd die of shock if I actually invited him out somewhere, even if there were others going. I've decided he's just not that into me and I will move on.
I've got to the point with romance that it's really not worth the hassle.
Then why do you envy man's social position to pursue if you already gave up from the first go?
This is a so typical excuse of women saying why they don't pursue, they face rejection once and give up forever.
16 May 2013, 9:35 am
PsychoSarah
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Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity
16 May 2013, 10:09 am
16 May 2013, 11:38 am
Cilantro wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Quote:
Male aspies don't have the same problem, because they are stuck with the unenviable social position of being expected to pursue.
I do envy that. I hate that I'm expected to just wait until he makes a move. I would like to say, "hey do you want to catch a coffee?" But the last time I did that the guy looked away shyly and said "no it's ok." That was about 5 years ago. I've decided that I'm not making the moves anymore. Waste of my time. I like my friend's friend, I don't know him that well, but what I do know I like, but I think he'd die of shock if I actually invited him out somewhere, even if there were others going. I've decided he's just not that into me and I will move on.
I've got to the point with romance that it's really not worth the hassle.
That one may have been shy or not interested... but others might not be.
I think there's a much better selection when you're not passive. My initial experience with relationships consisted of waiting for people to approach me and taking what came my way, but often what came my way was someone I'd have been better off without. Some of them were bad matches and others were just bad people, but the most depressing thing was that even decent people turned into complete a**holes when it came to dating. It's like some kind of dark voodoo magic.
One of the most laid-back, caring guys I've ever met thought it would be a good idea to delete me from Facebook and pretend to be never talking to me again because he needed to know if I cared and liked him based on my reaction. If you want to avoid all the weird, obnoxious stuff that gets on your nerves and makes you miserable, actively try to end up with people you know would be good for you. Otherwise you're much more likely to just sigh and go with Mr. Picks-fights-to-communicate because he seems like a decent human being and approached you.
There's someone I know I'd be safe and compatible with, but if I don't put things in motion he may not before we're geriatric. I know he'd never put me through what others have, and that's worth the effort.
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
16 May 2013, 11:44 am
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
16 May 2013, 11:50 am
Cilantro wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
That's very sad.
16 May 2013, 11:56 am
Cilantro wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
I get the feeling there's a fuller context you're not providing. Normally, if a person cares, he/she should show it in some way or another. If you just shrug it off and move on without being affected in any way, then you didn't care.
16 May 2013, 12:00 pm
MCalavera wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
I get the feeling there's a fuller context you're not providing. Normally, if a person cares, he/she should show it in some way or another. If you just shrug it off and move on without being affected in any way, then you didn't care.
How so?
I don't remember anything unusual in our friendship prior to that. There were no arguments or disagreements and we laughed, comforted each other, and shared activities. I can see no reason for him to think I didn't value him.
16 May 2013, 12:08 pm
Cilantro wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
I get the feeling there's a fuller context you're not providing. Normally, if a person cares, he/she should show it in some way or another. If you just shrug it off and move on without being affected in any way, then you didn't care.
How so?
I don't remember anything unusual in our friendship prior to that. There were no arguments or disagreements and we laughed, comforted each other, and shared activities. I can see no reason for him to think I didn't value him.
People's perceptions can be very different sometimes. Throw an ASD in the mix and that can multiply. Sometimes I have to ask questions that might seem stupid to most other people, but I need that bare boned framework to be able to wrap my head around something. I don't know if this applies to your situation, but for me I can miss the obvious sometimes.
16 May 2013, 12:20 pm
DialAForAwesome
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Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
16 May 2013, 2:31 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Quote:
Male aspies don't have the same problem, because they are stuck with the unenviable social position of being expected to pursue.
I do envy that. I hate that I'm expected to just wait until he makes a move. I would like to say, "hey do you want to catch a coffee?" But the last time I did that the guy looked away shyly and said "no it's ok." That was about 5 years ago. I've decided that I'm not making the moves anymore. Waste of my time. I like my friend's friend, I don't know him that well, but what I do know I like, but I think he'd die of shock if I actually invited him out somewhere, even if there were others going. I've decided he's just not that into me and I will move on.
I've got to the point with romance that it's really not worth the hassle.
Then why do you envy man's social position to pursue if you already gave up from the first go?
This is a so typical excuse of women saying why they don't pursue, they face rejection once and give up forever.
Yeah, hell, I tried hundreds of times before I gave up. Ladies can do the same thing; it won't kill 'em.
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,217
Location: the island of defective toy santas
16 May 2013, 5:11 pm
Kinme wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Kinme wrote:
auntblabby, is that a real picture of you?
yup.
That's an awesome picture.
thank you Kinme
have you one of you that you'd like to share?
anyways, i'm not used to people liking my visage.
16 May 2013, 10:24 pm
Cilantro wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Cilantro wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Did he tell you that this was the reason for it? It does seem like a very childish ploy. If I would delete someone from my FB, it's because the person has no interest in interacting with me and probably have me blocked anyway. I've never understood FB etiquette--it's almost more confusing than RL.
Yes. He told me after a few arguments what he'd been doing, but nothing was ever the same between us and we eventually drifted apart. His train of thought was that someone who really cared would notice that they'd been deleted and try to talk to him instead of simply shrugging it off and moving on.
I get the feeling there's a fuller context you're not providing. Normally, if a person cares, he/she should show it in some way or another. If you just shrug it off and move on without being affected in any way, then you didn't care.
How so?
I don't remember anything unusual in our friendship prior to that. There were no arguments or disagreements and we laughed, comforted each other, and shared activities. I can see no reason for him to think I didn't value him.
Explain why you just shrugged and moved on with such ease if you actually cared.
You seem oblivious to the consequences of the actions you may have caused. Maybe that played a role in why your friend did what he did. You did say he was initially very caring towards you after all.
Now if it was indeed a manipulative game he was playing and he did it for no valid reason, this still doesn't change the fact that you actually didn't get affected at all by his behavior. Now that's understandable if you didn't care and have much interest in him, but you say/imply that you actually did care, and that one I have a hard time believing.
