Potential date?!

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I regards to your previous post and the one above I feel you are too critical of yourself, this is the perfectionist trait that I can identify with so well. It can also make you overly sensitive to criticism too.

You should only try to change yourself if you want to and definitely not to meet the demands of others. Some on the spectrum are very sensitive and I feel this shows as not being comfortable or relaxed to others. I say this as a 43 year old with a late discovery of AS and a number of relationships in my past. In the dim distant memories I'm sure I felt similar at your age.

You should be open to the prospect of a date, you just need to find the right person. I think I replied to your other post that looking outside your immediate circle may be better, it's down to you to go searching. Good luck.

So just because he got a bit late to make a move then she ignores him for good as if he's invisible?

Is that a female thing?

OK, I hesitated to post this, but I think I should...

More than half a year ago, I met a girl here on WP with whom I was in relatively contact (I think it's safe to post this because she hasn't logged in for months), up to the point that we did video-chat via Skype. Then, after a few months, she gradually stopped talking to me.

I puzzled for months over what happened, but now I think I get it:
When I first talked to her, she said she was quite depressed; one of the reasons for this was getting little attention from males. So despite living on another continent, I could probably cheer her up a bit at that time. Later, I asked her if she was still depressed and she said no. She also mentioned that she had found new friends. That's about when she stopped talking to me.

I don't blame her for anything. It was a completely sensible thing for her to act like this. But this experience taught me a lesson.

In fact, she ignored me before there could have been an opportunity.

Not a bit late, way late.

Not a female thing - unless you mean the majority of neurotypical women, in which case, yes.

I can understand that an experience like that will sting for a while.

If only others could be more considerate, just a "thanks for your help but I'm going now" would that change how you feel. No?

Just statements like this reveal a self depreciation that reflects negatively on yourself. It can be fine if there is humour involved but too much sincerity is too much for many people. Or am I just being too sensitive myself now?

Way late? He might knew her for two years but, according to him, she started to give me him signs quite recently (May 23 his post date).

And of course I meant NT women, AS women (if this syndrome really exists) are probably less than 1%. Then according to your answer, it IS a female thing. lol

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne! I think that neilson is right, your self-image does sound rather low from a social perspective. Social skills are not the end-all, be-all of what makes a person, and just because you may not have the greatest doesn't mean people won't want to be around you.

And I'm not suggesting that you have to go out and make friends with everyone at the orchestra because, you don't, and you're right that you won't be friends with all of them. But that doesn't mean you can't be friendly with them, and develop a healthy working relationship with all of them. There have been people I downright hated at some previous jobs, but I still talked to them regularly and treated them cordially. Plus, I think that it's the perfect kind of place for you to practice your social skills, and practice sounds like what you need right now. Sure, you could "retreat into isolation", but then nothing will ever improve, and judging from your posts on here that doesn't sound like the outcome you want.

Your posts remind me a great deal of myself 5-6 years ago, and I wouldn't want to see you repeat some of the mistakes I made back then.

Thank you for your help.

I always try to be friendly to people, and I usually don't have problems with non-social discussions or with group work, not even with finding partners for the latter (which is probably because I'm quite good at uni stuff). When there is an event that includes both a work and a social period, I'm much more scared about the social part. For example, I would do more volunteering if it didn't require me to attend parties with those people.

Nevertheless, I realize that most people still aren't interested in any kind of social interaction with me. You're right that I should try to get in touch with people more actively; but when there is no reaction, I shouldn't bother them, either.

Another update concerning the rehearsal today:

At first, I was excited because she actually noticed and greeted me when I showed up. During the rehearsal, our eyes once met accidentally.
But after the rehearsal, she preferred cycling home alone instead of waiting one minute for me and some other people.

Conclusion: She really isn't interested, I can forget about the matter.

^ Conclusion: She's indifferent about you and not dying for your attention in particular; and you're imagining she's doing all this on purpose and avoiding you.

Which means, you're just some guy in her class, nothing special.

Which also means, it's not hopeless yet, you're not rejected yet or really being avoided. You need to talk to her to progress from "just a guy in class" to someone she knows..and so on.

I don't.


That's the point. To me, she's just a random girl. I don't know her very well, I'm not particularly interested in her, and she borderline-flirts with a taken guy who is way above my league. No reason for me to do anything right now.

Her flirting with a taken guy means she's desperate for attention and probably sex

Exploit that.

That's a little bit of over-interpretation, I think. Maybe she just likes talking to people. And I already pointed out that I'm not looking for sex.

Anyway, because there are no more rehearsals, I won't have any chance to see her in the next 4 months, so it's probably futile now (though she lives less than 100m away...).

This subject is so confusing! After today's rehearsal, I joined some other members of the orchestra going to a cafe. I mentioned how I made it to the front row in the orchestra during the first semester. A friend of mine said something like: "I think it was because the ex-concert master liked you and wanted you to sit next to her." I didn't dare to ask, but I'd really like to know if she was serious about this, because I did (retrospectively) have some kind of crush on our ex-concert master.

The problem is still that I just don't have a lot of chances to talk to people in general. Today, I spent one hour with a fellow student fixing her computer problem (at the university). Thinking about that, it's the only face-to-face dialog I've had with a girl in months (erm, if the professor who supervises my Bachelor's thesis doesn't count...). But I know that taking advantage of the situation to hit on her would be immoral.

Today I learned that she has a boyfriend. Not sure for how long. Anyway, case closed. I'm in fact kind of relieved.

Amen to that.