The main reason why men breakup fast with aspie women.

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Suggesting outings, visits, showing desire for having minimal time together are all part of mutual communication and bond, I am not just talking abt cellphone, it's just a tool.

If the girl never does ANY of that then what message she's sending? It's not like I want to be her center of universe like you ridiculously expressed, but at least I have to feel I am part of her life like she's part of mine.

It only sends one clear message: "You're totally trivial in my life and I wouldn't care whether you die or disappear, I wouldn't even think to invest any minute or make minimal effort to know about your well being."

This isn't love.

Sorry, but now your are mixing it. First it was, no phone calls and no messages, says no interest. And suddenly there are lots of other opportunities, to show interest like, visits, spending time together and so on... I felt opposed because of you demanding that without phonecalls and messages, there would be no interest, and suddenly you say yourself, that there are lots of other ways to show interest in a person, and that there is no need to do that by phone. I like to spend time with my partner. The more I dont want to waste time we are not together with phone calls. The five minutes we are talking, we already could be on our way to each another to see us. For me phoning with someone or messaging is simply no spending time with each other. I cant connect a machine to a person. So texting on a machine or phoning to a machine simply dont feels like spending time with each other for me, it simply feels for me like texting or talking to a machine. I know, that the machine is only a technical link, but I am simply unable to connect to it as a human. I simply cant connect emotional with a person, when this person is not around me, when I dont see the face, the person itself..., and the more all that telephone hysteria drives me nuts, because everyone supposes from you that when they contact you through a machine, that you are able to connect with them, as if they were really here. Its simply another expectation, where you always get told "...but everyone else gnagnagna..." and where people make the wildest assumptions, like I would be scared or anything. Specially when you are somewhere, that isnt connect to your partner or friends. I am in a foreign area, nothing gives me memories about my partner and friends and I am deep into other thoughts because of working or driving in an unknown area...and suddenly someone calls, and expects you that your emotion turn instantly, and that you feel personally linked to that person, as if you were spending with him the last three hours. Its simply not working for me. Its simply an disturbing phone call with an disturbing voice. For me to behave, as if there was another person around me, I need another person around me. No voice or message.

I simply hate it, because its really exhausting for me, texting as well, because its always disturbing as long as you didnt plan the messages before. And additional to all the stress its causes, I get absolutly nothing back, because its simply dont feel the same for me. It doesnt feel like if the person was right here, I dont feel happier afterwards it, I dont get positive feelings or the need to ask or question things as it is, when the person is in front of me. I simply dont have any need to ask people about what they have done all day or whatever on the phone, I am not interested into letters or a nearly ununderstoodable voice out of a machine. When the person is right in front of me, I am interested in her doing, but then I am not forced to be tortured to ask her/him how her day was.

Out of emergency and working causes I have a telephone, but my partner and friends knows that I hate it. But for them there is no need to make a giant problem out of it, simply because of other ways to show people your interest. I rather spend an hour cooking my partners favorite cake, then phoning him 5 minutes.

I am sorry, when I acted angry against you Boo, but I simply was f****d about your tries to push your own personal feelings, that desire must be shown by dumb telephone and if not, that there hardly can be an interest, on everyone else. Thats ok for you, thats how YOU feel, so showing interest on telephone and messaging means for YOU that YOU like someone. But other people are not you, so there is nothing wrong about if they dont have the feelings about textmessages or phoning as you have. If a person dont feel anything about phoning you, then she can phone you a hundred times a day, and it simply would mean absolutely nothing.

^^ Sometimes it is not possible to see someone everyday especially if living in another city and both are working, so the two need to stay in touch in some way.

I hate phoning and texting to bones, but if I don't hear for days from someone I care much about then I would make the effort to at least know how he/she's doing.

That's kind of interesting Boo.
I don't know many guys who have trouble keeping connected with women. Usually I hear more women having trouble keeping connected with men. Maybe the people doing this are simply ignoring each other and have selective vision - I have to assume both are going for the same sub-set of people for it to be happening.

While my NT girlfriends are constantly complaining that men never call them, that men drop them, or that they simply don't call them enough or only for sex - it's never a problem I have had.
I usually have to discourage people from calling me too often, and it's actually hard to keep my own space with some people, and nor do men only call me / want me for sex.

My girlfriends always ask me how I do it, and I just shrug because I honestly don't know why it works out like that. Maybe your time would be better spent interviewing aspie women on one hand who are good at keeping guys keen, and interviewing NT women on the other who are good at maintaining actual relationships when they get them - and then sell the secrets to the other side respectively.

I think it's because of several things which all boil down to a lack of affection and empathy.

Men like to be appreciated. They like to be affectionate. And physical.
Things that most aspie-women have trouble with.

Because they're incompatible. That's really all there is to it.

I feel completely comfortable with some NTs and not with others. Same applies with aspies.

That's a bit of a generalisation, from my expreience squeezing affection out of a man is like getting blood out of a stone, and I give too much.

I was raised by old fashioned manners and was told to not call a man unless he calls me first or I would be considered "forward".I know this is not true, but I really have a problem with this.Anyway,I think you have to at least get a second date before they can break up with you and that hasn't happened yet.I would return a phone call or message because it would be rude not to. I'm not good at all at initiating contact.I went on two dates last week,I thought both men were nice,but I have not heard back from them, so I assume they didn't like me.
Maybe I am wrong,one gave me his number.I guess I'm too chicken $hit to call it.

If he's the one who asked you out then it's up to *you* to call him now, he made his step, now it's your turn to do so.

You can't expect him to do two steps forward while none from your side, I hate it when you ladies expect the man to do all the steps.

And for the love of gods, you are too old for this waiting game s**t, call him.

Hopefully this wont be true for all relationships with Aspies, as I'm in one now, and hoping it will last.

I guess we´ve dated different types of men then. The guys that I dated were very affectionate and appreciative.

I disagree. That is exactly the language NTs use in order to get to know each other, as friends or otherwise. They do it indirectly to appear less intrusive. It's confusing for you and I, because we absolutely suck at picking this up.



That's a rather harsh judgement on her. We have to get used to their way of communicating as well, you know. Women try to let the man make the move because otherwise they fear he'll think they're easy. Again, it totally sucks, but it's in no way her fault. She probably felt a bit degraded after having to give her details because of what she'd fear you would think. She obviously liked you enough to take the chance of you thinking she might be easy.

Well,I am a little long in the tooth It's hard to break free of rigid belief patterns.One thing that has enabled me to cope in this world were the strict rules of etiquette my parents laid down.On how to have good table manners,not to interrupt,to look at someone in the eye when speaking to them(I still find this hard to do),etc,unfortunately they also engrained me with some very outdated beliefs.

Well, in the case of me, I guess there was no good reason why the last guy I dated no longer wanted to date me. In fact, I bet he wanted to break up with me but he didn't want to deal with me crying any more than I had been doing while I was dating him, so he did all he could to get me to want to break up with him. I don't quite understand why he didn't want to be with me anymore (especially since HE asked me out), I mean, I did what all a "perfect" girlfriend would do: bake him delicious sweets, anticipate to see him and talk to him, show him my love and let him be independent, but apparently it didn't sit well with him. From what I've learned about him, he has loads of emotional issues and doesn't learn from his mistakes.
After experiencing that, I know for sure that I will never, ever, EVER date anyone who is younger than me, because people at that age are too immature and I am very mature for my age (most of the time). I think being with someone who's mature as well will do me good.

Sometimes relationships don't work out.

Yeah... Well anyway, I think I'd be better off with someone who is at least 25. It just seems to feel better that way.