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AS Fiance denies cheating, after already admitting it? help.

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MyFutureSelfnMe
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06 Oct 2013, 8:43 am

AshTrees wrote:
For everything we do, good, bad, hurtful, shameful, etc, there is a reason.


So? Not relevant to this. The reason why she's doing it isn't important. If he had been married to her for the past decade I might suggest he get her professional help and probably check her into rehab. His responsibilities here do not extend anywhere near that far, and she wouldn't let him anyway.



JanuaryMan
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06 Oct 2013, 9:03 am

AshTrees wrote:
We can only give general advice.

And the general advice being given is....ditch her!



Tequila
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06 Oct 2013, 9:13 am

MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
So? Not relevant to this. The reason why she's doing it isn't important. If he had been married to her for the past decade I might suggest he get her professional help and probably check her into rehab.


That would only be applicable if her behaviour in that scenario was both extremely recent and completely out of character.



appletheclown
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06 Oct 2013, 9:41 am

The only way being to throw 18 drug dealers in the slammer, or go cold and wack 18 dealers and have mobsters all over you for the rest of your life, I'd dump her.
But if you don't wanna deal with druggies and guns, dump her, and offer to drive her to rehab, it is the best you can do.
If she is an addict, again, she may feel only truly safe around you, and feel you can protect her from the dealers (if she is an addict).
She is your fiance too, and if you love her still, protect her at least, there is no harm in sheltering your ex fiance addict, even though it sounds completely absurd, it is pretty compassionate.


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Codyrules37
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06 Oct 2013, 11:32 am

do whatever you believe in necessary. but dont seek revenge. grudges are poisonous to the mind


maybe she has had a hard life



aspiemike
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06 Oct 2013, 12:17 pm

LeLetch wrote:

I had to learn this one the hard way. I prefer to crash and burn a relationship like a mature adult, now anyway. I get why everyone avoids their ex's now too.


I avoid most due to the possible emotional pull they once had on me. I remember the reasons why it didn't work out, and I remember how I felt, and their expression of what they felt when they were around me. Not worth it to go back down that rabbit hole more often than not.



LeLetch
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06 Oct 2013, 12:29 pm

aspiemike wrote:
LeLetch wrote:

I had to learn this one the hard way. I prefer to crash and burn a relationship like a mature adult, now anyway. I get why everyone avoids their ex's now too.


I avoid most due to the possible emotional pull they once had on me. I remember the reasons why it didn't work out, and I remember how I felt, and their expression of what they felt when they were around me. Not worth it to go back down that rabbit hole more often than not.

Blarg. The past and future isn't such a big deal here i don't think. If you live in the present, your desire for a relationship wins out, and the likely failure of that relationship doesn't last nearly as long.

Technically, the present is tantamount. If you're not happy in the present, it's rather hard to objectively plan for happiness in the future. Not to mention Captain Dreadful Past will sneak up and getcha if you don't stay positive in the present. Relationships, are thus more desirable than you think.

Or something. I kinda pulled that post out of my ***.


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lost561
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06 Oct 2013, 12:56 pm

If this had been an aspie man cheating on a woman, League girl would be on here bashing the guy.. Saying things like dump his sorry ass and tell him to go kill himself.

With that said I don't think there is much to be said. Cheating is unacceptable and it's best to just end all contact with this woman. Trust is broken.



aspiemike
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06 Oct 2013, 1:00 pm

LeLetch wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
LeLetch wrote:

I had to learn this one the hard way. I prefer to crash and burn a relationship like a mature adult, now anyway. I get why everyone avoids their ex's now too.


I avoid most due to the possible emotional pull they once had on me. I remember the reasons why it didn't work out, and I remember how I felt, and their expression of what they felt when they were around me. Not worth it to go back down that rabbit hole more often than not.

Blarg. The past and future isn't such a big deal here i don't think. If you live in the present, your desire for a relationship wins out, and the likely failure of that relationship doesn't last nearly as long.

Technically, the present is tantamount. If you're not happy in the present, it's rather hard to objectively plan for happiness in the future. Not to mention Captain Dreadful Past will sneak up and getcha if you don't stay positive in the present. Relationships, are thus more desirable than you think.

Or something. I kinda pulled that post out of my ***.


No, everyone has to find a way to enjoy being in the present so you are spot on with that. But certain things from the past have to stay in the past, including certain people. Some have a nasty habit of reminding you of past problems. Some can be very judgmental about it as well. A past relationship often sabotages the current one if one person isn't willing to let go (regardless of who it is). Read The Four Agreements to get an idea of breaking old agreements.



LeLetch
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06 Oct 2013, 1:24 pm

^ You start with the word 'no', but im still looking for the connection to the word in the reply.

I mean, the only thing i can find is that you're replacing 'be positive as a defence against the past' with 'read psychology style books to defend against the past'.

I dunno. I dealt with most of that stuff. There's more im sure, but its tiresome business, and most of the time, you do more damage than you fix, since long periods of self examination leads to depression, and the damage THAT causes will then have to be dealt with.

It an endless loop IMO. I'll probably read that 4 agreements things tho. I'm a curious cat. I tend to read that kind of material and just dump it into my subconcious. If i'm lucky it snags on something, and does a little accidental repair work. Then you're guaranteed a net-positive.


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appletheclown
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06 Oct 2013, 1:32 pm

Codyrules37 wrote:
do whatever you believe in necessary. but dont seek revenge. grudges are poisonous to the mind


maybe she has had a hard life

It's not renvenge, it's the war on drugs, and making sure his fiance doesn't die before they break up.


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aspiemike
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06 Oct 2013, 1:47 pm

LeLetch wrote:
^ You start with the word 'no', but im still looking for the connection to the word in the reply.

I mean, the only thing i can find is that you're replacing 'be positive as a defence against the past' with 'read psychology style books to defend against the past'.

I dunno. I dealt with most of that stuff. There's more im sure, but its tiresome business, and most of the time, you do more damage than you fix, since long periods of self examination leads to depression, and the damage THAT causes will then have to be dealt with.

It an endless loop IMO. I'll probably read that 4 agreements things tho. I'm a curious cat. I tend to read that kind of material and just dump it into my subconcious. If i'm lucky it snags on something, and does a little accidental repair work. Then you're guaranteed a net-positive.


Lol, the no was in response to your last sentence in your post. Sorry for the confusion. As for psychology, there is really nothing to find in that sense in the book I mentioned. It's along the lines of the Power of Now, and much shorter. More spiritual than it ever will be psychological or philosophical.