Women and Masculinity

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I exaggerated

It was to show the differences between the guy and the girl.

The guy would probably wear it if she played some emotional manipulation on him. But the point is, he isn't going to break up because of a gift.

She's probably used to weak, pliable men. Having the script flipped on her might blow her mind. Regardless, as I said the knowledge and experience alone will be worth it. And besides: Maybe I'm that stalwart guy she never knew she wanted and will change her ways...for love!



So like...

...no fights at all? Can't say I've ever heard of a relationship like that. As far as I know even the good ones that last have a bit of tension at the start while the couple learn each other's quirks.

I'm not saying that what she literally said was incorrect. I'm just saying she could have held back a few things - most times that would happen in a man-woman conversation. Are you telling me that if there was a problem with their sex life, for instance, she would have told you? Perhaps she did...

And, obviously, I wasn't there, so what would I know! I'm just saying, generally in this scenario, a man will be told the tip of the iceberg. Perhaps in your case that wasn't the truth.

Last edited by octobertiger on 30 Oct 2013, 6:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

In my experience it's the other way around, everything is fine and dandy in the beginning. If it's not, then it's not working. I had my first fight with my most recent longer-term relationship after maybe a year or more...

^ Have you observed many of your mates' relationships? Are they ever like that? Yours sound particularly healthy, to be honest.

In general there is nothing bad, about people still having traditional wishes upon their partners, or people not being into genderstuff.

For an relationship, the only thing important is, that you are happy. There are men that like more traditional relationships, there are woman that like more traditional relationships, they will make good couples, so let them be. Just as there are men and woman that want to share all of their worries and deeds, that will as well be good and fitting couples.

So everything of that is ok. But whats not ok, is not accepting the person that you are and blaming you for being the person that you are, instead of being the person, your opposite would like you to be.

That your girlfriend may have "more traditional" expectations on a men is ok, as long as she offers a fair deal for it. But that she blames and demands you to be like that, only because of her prefering that, is simply not ok. Instead of blaming you for being you, she instead should blame herself for not spending time to realize herself, what kind of relationship she want to have, what kind of partnership. And then seek someone having similar expectations, someone that is himself happy, to share that expectation on an relationship, and that doesnt need to be manipulated to become so.

From my oppinion, either for men and women its like getting fooled. There is one that needs to be blamed for fooling his partners, by manipulating his/her partner. But for that to work, you need as well someone that lets himself get fooled.

If you get blamed for a certain behavior, then thinkl about it, if that behavior of yours is really hurting someone else in a way. By wasting his free time, or however. Someone, whyever, angering about you without any real reason, is not you hurting someone or your fault, because people that are not forced to anger themselve about something, can choose themselves if they want to do so. And if you dont hurt someone with the behavior that you get blamed for, then explain it exactly that way, why you dont think the blame to be of importancy.

Having more desires for certain people is ok, AS LONG as you dont blame or insult other people for not being that way AND AS LONG as you dont demand from other people to be that way. Other people were not born to be certain peoples partyclown and dont get payed to be the way it comfort others.

Tell your girlfriend, that she is always invited to mention wishes of her or to tell about stuff she likes, but the only person deciding if you yourself like to accept some of that, is you, and there is nothing to blame about that, because its your life.

No, I haven't really actually, to that extent. So I guess I've made assumptions based on my own experience. You could be right.

Power and control - present to some extent in pretty much every relationship.

What's that Eurythmics song, sweet dreams?

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Cynical, but it's there. And the irony is, most people really don't know they're doing it, and would be horrified if they saw it like that.

If one cannot stand the reek of power and control, then the world becomes a bit distant at times.

Masculinity is just another thing that can be hurled at someone, when the opportunity is correct.

Western society is, in essence, a feminine thing, just by its nature. Trying to fit masculinity into it - even redefining the term so it's more socially acceptable - will leave most men with a choice between readjusting or staying outside of it, a lot of the time.

Last edited by octobertiger on 30 Oct 2013, 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

You know, for how mean I've been to you in the past, you sure do go out of your way to type several paragraphs to enlighten me. I'll admit Ms. Schnee, that trait has very much just stood out to me.



Or perhaps I'm a magnet for dysfunctional people. Birds of a feather flock together!

Another true conversation I've heard between a female friend and her friend, the latter was complaining to the other how her bf came from his business trip straight to her house with "empty hands" - "he could at least brought something, even flowers, on his way from the airport", she said (and the poor guy arrived on late night) , and the other lady was nodding in agreement manner. The woman is adult, senior at work, divorced with 2 childs, and yet still nitpicking about such trivial things like teen girls....

No guy would make an issue if his gf didn't bring a gift from a business trip.

I don't think it is feminine so much as a sort of repressed masculinity.

Ermmmm. The good relationships I had we either didn't fight, or the misunderstandings didn't start happening until the 6-9 month mark. At least. And even then they were resolved without threats or ultimatums in a calm manner.

The other good relationships I have seen have been the same way. First fights or tension doesn't start to happen until the first 6, 9 months has passed or a year.

^^^ That sounds boring, are you sure that is not the reason for breaking up, all that niceness can't be good for one's health

Mine have always been straight away as i don't put on a happy smile and pretend my feelings are not hurt and i don't wear rose coloured glasses. I accept people how they are but i will talk about and openly discuss things that annoy or irritate me from the get go. I am also very open about my expectations and what i want from the relationship. My boyfriend and i had more disagreements in the first 2 months together then days of the week but we have had no disagreements since at all. We got it all out of our system early and didn't let things fester.

Some things i make very upfront from the start: i do not want to get married, i do not want to be exclusive and i am polyamorous, i do not want children but if my 99.9% contraception somehow fails, i am pro-life and as much as you will be pissed off i will be more upset. It i have a child it is mine and you can opt out and i have no expectations nor want to play happy families, i will be going into my career full force and you can support me or gtfo now, ect ect

What represses men? Western society has to be a factor, as it is female in nature - by generalisation, settled society has to be more feminine than masculine to survive, anyway. This is not ignoring areas of inequality or saying everything's great for women - far from it.

And who brings up boys in western society - women or men? It's usually the women. So, boys generally grow up being clueless about things to do with masculinity, and they won't exactly sit down and discuss things openly with their peers like many young women would do.

Generally women will pass important knowledge onto their daughters. Generally men will not pass knowledge onto their sons. Over time, this knowledge gets eroded, and men get 'wimpier', or have to take man lessons from people looking to line their pockets.

Hence an underlying dating problem - generally, western men complain about quantity of choice, and women complain about the quality of chocie. If you think about what is said above, and throw in media, high expectations, the effect of Disney cartoons...it's no surprise, really.

Repression can be a state of mind, too...

Relationships with zero conflict/struggle/tension/pitfalls??

On what planet you two live? Get me the shuttle.