when does someone officially become boyfriend or girlfriend

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I can't imagine committing to a relationship with someone before I've had sex with them.

Hang on, is this same sex dating? I may be wrong, but I think there is a difference in attitudes when it comes to same sex relationships vs heterosexual relationships. Same sex beginnings seem to have a lot more leeway in my experience /observation.

Additionally, US dating, and by extension, Australian dating, is different to dating in other countries. There, the dating is as Yellow states - no obligation, try before you buy, arrangement, whereas other places tend to be still a bit more traditional about this, as in, as soon as there is anything intimate going on, it's considered relationship (of sorts - even if it's FWB or whatever)

To be fair, people are different everywhere, so it really all depends on the person on the end of the day and what they think and feel comfortable with. But how will you know unless you ask? And how will you ask if you worry that asking them will spook them because they may not be ready to talk about it yet?!

Gah. Who can be bothered with all this! not me

yuck

Trying to figure out how compatible someone is with you before making a commitment to them is yuck?



Oh, I don't distinguish between the two. I date people, my approach doesn't differ depending on their sex. Perhaps I am unique in this.

When they stab you in the back.

Cool. I like your attitude. I do however have difficulty processing what for you mean by dating vs relationship. Is just calling someone boyfriend/girlfriend such a big deal? Obviously some people think sex and fidelity are a far bigger deal than a label that is bestowed on a person with whom they engage in intimate behaviour, but it would appear (if I understand correctly) that for you having sex and being intimate is not a very big deal, but having a conversation about being in a relationship is?

Maybe you are just comfortable with casual sex (which is fine) and cannot understand that some people are not?

Personally, I insist on having both of the person's kidneys on ice and access to all their bank accounts before I will put out, but that's just me.. [/joke]

lol @ your last statement

Okay interesting questions. I'm trying to process myself which parts I actually consider a "big deal". I might just be being pedantic about labels, but I'm not convinced of that yet

If someone calls me their girlfriend, to me that means we have gotten to the point where we have decided that each other is someone we want to spend our time with, to commit to, to invest in. I won't decide such things until I've gotten to know them pretty well...mentally, emotionally, physically, all of that. I consider all of those things a big deal in a way, but I don't consider them things that should be found out after you have decided they are "the one you want to be with", but rather I want to find them out before I make any such decisions.

When I talk about having sex with someone before I call them my partner, to me that's not casual sex, it's sex with someone I might want to get into a relationship with. Having sex can be a big deal! But why does it have to be inside of a relationship? Or a marriage? I mean, you don't say "I don't want to know anything about you until we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend", do you? Some people have different things they feel are important to learn about someone before they gauge the seriousness of their affection. It seems I include more things than average in that list.

I think I probably have to point out here that yes, I do believe getting to know someone better is part of the fun of a relationship. But I like to know the basics beforehand, so we aren't wasting each other's time.


P.S. I do break my own "rules" sometimes and rush into things (labels), but I tend to regret it when I do.

P.P.S. I've just realised I didn't have this attitude when I was younger. Relationship came first, sex second. I always forget about the differences in viewpoints at different ages.

I say my female friend is basically my girlfriend
at this point,she kissed me,gave me her phone
number,her address,going to hang out next week.
admitted that she likes me alot.

and we've been friends since 2005,so
we know each other very well.
it's not like we just meet,and she
has always flirted with me,a little bit.it
just the last month,she gotten very flirty
and touchy.

Cool, if you're happy with that then /thread

Women with disabilities aren't 'less than.' This remark rubs me the wrong way, just as it would if you'd said "even if she's a bit ... black" or "even if she's a bit ... gay," and I hope I'm just somehow misinterpreting it.



Interesting. This discussion reminds me how old-fashioned I am. I don't consider myself to not know anything about a partner just because I haven't slept with them yet or for the physical side of a relationship to be part of "the basics" at all. I can't really imagine using sex as a screening tool for finding a partner for a committed relationship; to me it's something that would come along later after I already did. But, it seems like a lot of people these days do and it all just depends upon what your priorities and personal beliefs are.

No I didn't mean that because you haven't slept with them that you don't know anything about them. I meant that most people (I assume) want to get to know someone at least a bit before they form a relationship. Different people have different things they consider important to know. For me, mental, emotional and physical compatibility are all things I want to know. Sure, I may not be able to figure it out very well at such an early stage but at least I can try to find any major red flags.

well as a man I imagine when she does the &*() sucking mime , licks her lips seductively and winks in your direction you may be on to something though i'm no expert on these sort of matters. I wonder why

wow their should be more women like you I like your style

lol a clash of lifestyles.
The difference that for yellow there's casual sex phase in the progression of relationship. I wonder how well this way works. It needs its own thread.

Sounds to me like these approaches to "time of first sex" are really just a matter of degrees and definition of "relationship", rather than polar opposites as they first seem.

Some people have a rule of "no sex before marriage". I personally knew a couple where the girl said "no sex before engagement". Some say "no sex on the first date". When you think about it, these are all just different degrees of "no sex before a certain level of commitment" where

marriage > engagement (formally committed) > informally committed > dating > went on one date

Then the question comes down to which stage you define as "in a relationship". yellowtamarin's and Cafeaulait's approaches are not necessarily different, depending on that definition. Some people may consider it a "relationship" if they've gone out on 3 dates and are not dating anyone else, but haven't had sex yet. Sure, the relationship may end immediately after the first time they have sex, but that's a different story.

i'd be more interested to know how common her views are amongst the women surely less so than the men of this world

I 'd hold these views to if it wasn't for societal diseases and unwanted babies it's just exercise after all or I imagine it to be .