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I ruined the date

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em_tsuj
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10 Dec 2013, 12:28 am

TheGoggles wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:

(Anyway, most people have a car and a place, how does THAT help you stand out from the crowd?)


It's kind of the elephant in the room that if you're using the internet, there's probably something wrong with you that causes nobody to express any ronantic interest. Poverty and lack of a car/job can be one of those red flags.

It sounds like a cruel stereotype, but I've seen examples of it again and again. If I were NT, I definitely wouldn't need it.


I would have to disagree. There are plenty of eligible people who use online dating. Only a minority of people are the desperate type that you are talking about. It is hard for everyone to meet mates (AS and NT). Casual sex is a whole lot easier to get than a high-quality intimate relationship. Going online increases the chances that you will meet someone.



Stalk
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10 Dec 2013, 3:05 am

You are being yourself and if they don't like it, well screw them. You just need to learn to pick up on those who already like you and pursue them instead.



SydneySputnik
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10 Dec 2013, 3:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Was it through online dating? because if it was a date with someone who had crush on you she wouldn't be that harsh, that's my issue against online dating, women very rarely develop any kind of bond (even with voice calls etc..) or pre-caring with the someone they're dating and if you fail to give them the spark on first date...baybye.


I really agree with this statement. You have a much better chance of success if you met accidentally e.g. a party, a concert, the cafeteria line, church etc. It's partly because you develop a "bond" but also because in real life you can see much more specifically what you like than on-line, with only words and pictures.

In many Western societies, families are smaller and living further away. People move a lot and friendships are shorter and maybe less deep. There are probably fewer avenues to meet people at parties via friends and family - therefore internet dating is here to stay. It does have strengths for the AS population - you can actually search for people with the same special interests as you (especially if your interest areas are very unusual). Also, since we have good memories, we can use the extra time to memorise the person's characteristics and maybe look up a few things to talk about before the date. However that can also be a trap because of all the social codes that are used that we don't always understand.

The first date (especially from the internet or mobile phone app) is a lot like a job interview. You certainly don't know just how serious that other person is about finding a long-term mate! It might be a distant goal and they might be happy to go to nice meals and have casual sex with anyone, or they might be very determined and have unrealistic criteria that you can't fulfil.

Hopefully you can just be yourself, in the end the other person will have to accept you as you are! Get some good tips from those people close to you with success in dating as to what social conventions are most important.

And fundamentally - people like to talk about themselves, they like to listen to someone passionate (as long as they don't go on forever), they like to see you made the effort (e.g. to look nice), and they like to laugh.



Geekonychus
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10 Dec 2013, 9:12 am

Yuzu wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I get the impression that they never give second chances, men must be faultless superhumans in their eyes.

Was it through online dating? because if it was a date with someone who had crush on you she wouldn't be that harsh, that's my issue against online dating, women very rarely develop any kind of bond (even with voice calls etc..) or pre-caring with the someone they're dating and if you fail to give them the spark on first date...baybye.

While I am not like that, I don't believe in the "spark", I loved before girls after knowing them for years as my feelings slowly develop but girl don't seem to function like that, it seems they make up their mind about a man in the first few minutes, as if the first impression sticks in their minds and don't see the person past that, in different light.

When I date a girl I met through some dating site, I never get any spark on first date, nor I feel some strong attraction or love or anything like that, but if she's fairly attractive, compatible mind-wise, presentable and sane then I would still like to pursue more dates with that particular person trying to know her further and hopefully building some bond with her.
But on the other hand, the other party (the girl) would decide QUICKLY on the first or 2nd date that there's no chance, and would say something like 'no attraction' or 'no spark', they are so impatient and never try to make an emotional-investment in someone, they want things to appear out of blue, just like that. Maybe it's the difference of the number of options after all (No. NEXT!), I know that because all those dozens girls, every single of them, are still single to this date (I have their fbs and believe me, they are all still single, I hardly believe it's a coincidence).


The funny thing that the very few of them who had some care before meeting me in person were the ones who had very intimate and sexual online/voice talk with me, my relationships with them died later for various reasons (her family, cheating, moved away to another country...etc). Those were the only significant online-to-offline encounters I had that got past the 1st/2nd dates stage and had some real sexual activities with.


It's not just women. Men are the same way. If there is no spark on the first date, they won't give you the second chance.
I think it all boils down to physical attractions.

That's the case with me. If there isn't a spark by the first date, I would rarely call or initiate anything either.

Boo, you say you don't belive in "the spark" which leads me to belive you've never experienced it before. You'd know it if you did. Also, that willy wonka photo should be your profile pic. It's fitting.



thewhitrbbit
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10 Dec 2013, 5:11 pm

If your going out on dates, your making progress. Dating is very much a numbers game, you'll have a lot of failures and then one success.

Look at the bright sign, there are tons of people here who can't even get to date 1.

As for the asking thing, I've generally found women will make it clear if they want to be kissed. You just have to practice recognizing that.



Yuzu
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11 Dec 2013, 1:21 am

The Stars by The xx

I can give it all on the first date
I don't have to exist outside this place
And dear know that I can change

But if stars, shouldn't shine
By the very first time
Then dear it's fine, so fine by me
'Cos we can give it time
So much time
With me

And I can draw the line on the first date
I'll let you cross it
Let you take every line I've got
When the time gets late

But if stars, shouldn't shine
By the very first time
Then dear it's fine, so fine by me
'Cos we can give it time
So much time
With me

If you want me
Let me know
Where do you wanna go
No need for talking
I already know

If you want me
Why go

I can give it all on the first date
I don't have to exist outside this place
And dear know that I can change

But if stars, shouldn't shine
By the very first time
Then dear it's fine, so fine by me
'Cos we can give it time
So much time
With me



Last edited by Yuzu on 11 Dec 2013, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Dec 2013, 2:25 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Yuzu wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I get the impression that they never give second chances, men must be faultless superhumans in their eyes.

Was it through online dating? because if it was a date with someone who had crush on you she wouldn't be that harsh, that's my issue against online dating, women very rarely develop any kind of bond (even with voice calls etc..) or pre-caring with the someone they're dating and if you fail to give them the spark on first date...baybye.

While I am not like that, I don't believe in the "spark", I loved before girls after knowing them for years as my feelings slowly develop but girl don't seem to function like that, it seems they make up their mind about a man in the first few minutes, as if the first impression sticks in their minds and don't see the person past that, in different light.

When I date a girl I met through some dating site, I never get any spark on first date, nor I feel some strong attraction or love or anything like that, but if she's fairly attractive, compatible mind-wise, presentable and sane then I would still like to pursue more dates with that particular person trying to know her further and hopefully building some bond with her.
But on the other hand, the other party (the girl) would decide QUICKLY on the first or 2nd date that there's no chance, and would say something like 'no attraction' or 'no spark', they are so impatient and never try to make an emotional-investment in someone, they want things to appear out of blue, just like that. Maybe it's the difference of the number of options after all (No. NEXT!), I know that because all those dozens girls, every single of them, are still single to this date (I have their fbs and believe me, they are all still single, I hardly believe it's a coincidence).


The funny thing that the very few of them who had some care before meeting me in person were the ones who had very intimate and sexual online/voice talk with me, my relationships with them died later for various reasons (her family, cheating, moved away to another country...etc). Those were the only significant online-to-offline encounters I had that got past the 1st/2nd dates stage and had some real sexual activities with.


It's not just women. Men are the same way. If there is no spark on the first date, they won't give you the second chance.
I think it all boils down to physical attractions.

That's the case with me. If there isn't a spark by the first date, I would rarely call or initiate anything either.

Boo, you say you don't belive in "the spark" which leads me to belive you've never experienced it before. You'd know it if you did. Also, that willy wonka photo should be your profile pic. It's fitting.


My past loves always developed with progress and time; no 'spark' ever happened, there was only some impression on any first meetup with any girl (ie. she's cute, she's nice...bla bla) but never a spark thing.



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11 Dec 2013, 4:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
That's the case with me. If there isn't a spark by the first date, I would rarely call or initiate anything either.

Boo, you say you don't belive in "the spark" which leads me to belive you've never experienced it before. You'd know it if you did. Also, that willy wonka photo should be your profile pic. It's fitting.


My past loves always developed with progress and time; no 'spark' ever happened, there was only some impression on any first meetup with any girl (ie. she's cute, she's nice...bla bla) but never a spark thing.


I need a couple of jolts with heated elements to get my core moving. Slow to start-off... when it does the momentum crushes all red flags in its way. I'm all blind then as to what could be wrong being with that person.