The reason why many are single

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I come off very intense as well; it's just one of those quirks that I'm hoping the right one can either look past, or appreciate.

There are many reasons why people are single. Some voluntary, some not.

Myself, I'm voluntarily single due to the involuntary reasons.. of that makes sense. Due to reasons beyond my control, I haven't felt like a happy confident person with something to positively contribute to a relationship and this haven't wanted to burden anyone else with my BS. All of that has been changing dramatically over the past several months & I'm finally becoming someone I'd be attracted to, and thus am feeling more and more capable of having a relationship. But still I remain voluntarily single for a couple reasons.. one, so that I can stay focused on working hard on improving myself since I'm worth that and still need it.. and two, because I've had a crush on one particular guy in my life for the last few years and haven't felt any sort of emotional attraction like that to anyone else.. sooo, I continue to hold out in hopes that our friendship may evolve into a relationship all in due time. It feels like it's meant to be and that eventually he'll come around to the idea. Nah, I won't spend my entire life waiting for that miracle to happen.. but for the time being where I'm still voluntarily single in order to keep focused on myself, I'll continue holding out hopes that he comes around to the idea of us dating. If there comes a time where I feel I no longer have to focus so much on myself because I've become who I want to be and it's easy and natural for me to maintain it, then I may be more open to meeting someone else. Maybe lol, for now I can hookup with others here and there for the pure pleasure of it.. but I don't have any feelings for anyone but my crush, and I'm okay with that.

I'm not looking for a "Service Provider," but that may be what people are under the impression I am looking for.

I go about conversations quite "mechanically," so that may be a big part of the problem.

I really am looking for a mutual exchange, but my poor social skills seem to preclude me from reaching that Maslowian level with another girl.

By that logic, I am perpetually the luckiest man in the world and have never had a non-blessed day.

Because were aspies!

Because you failed to ask me out on a date.

Dude. You need to look into other options. You can't just sit there and pine for me all your life, it's not healthy.

What I mean by service provider is someone to meet the needs of the person looking for a relationship, such as (not entirely or exclusively):

- be the one person that doesn't judge them for whatever they usually get judged
- listen to them even when they go on and on about boring and pointless stuff
- is available to accompany them to whatever they feel a need to be accompanied to - - like a cinema or theatre or doing sports activities or whatever
- cooks for them happily
- cleans their clothes and their living space cheerfully and without complaint
- takes cares of other chores they don't want to do because they just love them so darn much
- is a buffer between them and the rest of the world when needed
- provides ego boosts on requests
- is a willing and able sex partner
- is adept in knowing how to cheer them up when needed and when to leave them alone
- provides wise counsel, but only when asked
-

.. in other words - all the services mommy used to provide when they (male or female) were growing up, with the exception of sex, which replaces breast feeding - you probably won't remember, but breast feeding is the most pleasant sensation involving interaction with another human being that anyone experiences.

What I mean by mutual exchange is that you don't regard the other person as provider of any of the above mentioned (and unmentioned services), you just regard them in their own right and the relationship is a process of interacting with them with the needs meeting being coincidental, rather than the reason for wanting to be in a relationship with someone.

I think that I want a service provider. I want a woman who cares about me, helps me with stuff, does nice things for me, and wants to have sex with me. I also want to provide certain services in return (I entertain her, provide emotional support, adoration, practical support, sex, affection, etc.), kind of like a legal contract. However, I know that romance does not work like that. It is not that cold and formal, but that is how I view it. I am not willing to invest my time or emotional energy on a woman unless she is willing to do certain things for me, things that fit into my definition of love.

In regards to a mutual exchange, you mean that you have relationships because you enjoy the other person's company and they enjoy your company? Or is it something more than that?

I think people like spending time with people who are pleasant to be around for one reason or another. It is not about services being exchanged (For example, a guy thinking, "I bought her dinner, so she'd better put out"). Perhaps we would have more success socially if we focused on becoming people who are pleasant to be around? Instead of hoping other people magically accept us as we are even though we offer nothing in return? Is that what you are saying? If so, I think you have a point.

I think that this is one of the most significant points anyone has made in the L&D forum.

I'm just playing little prince trapped in a tower waiting for my princess to rescue me and do all the necessary gender roles equivalent BS.

Yup

OK, it's your life, but why did you imagine I'd be the one to rescue you? Do I look like I enjoy going around rescuing little princes? (if so, I must have a word with my PR department at wunce)

No, I'm only imitating you

well, you are doing a poor job of it when I wasn't able to recognise myself, don't you think? Anyway, I thought ad hominems were against forum rules?