Hale_Bopp's "tear apart my okcupid profile" thread

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my first love used to play starcraft with me and when she cleaned with me she would make protoss "probe" sounds when moving items too and fro (which drove me absolutely crazy in the best way). If they can't take geeky they wont like me very much once they get to know me so that is fine if my profile is geeky. TBH I want a geek. The only problem is finding the level of physicality I'm looking for. the 2 girls I had the most fun with were very geeky and chronic cheaters and or demanded an open relationship (though the cheating was mostly a maturity thing cause freshmen), this means they were also very open sexually (though not necessarily with me) and had high libido. To be fair I cant really go around trying to just recreate those relationships with someone else but I was also very comfortable and well entertained in those situations.

Quite frankly I'm embarrassed by where I am in my life and I don't want to put it on my profile. I'm working a job with little to no social freedom that, not including saved rent + utils pays 2.45$ an hour assuming I work 40 hours/week more than I am contractually obligated to (and all the way down to 0 otherwise). I really cant brag about going to community college especially after having a couple A-B semesters in engineering school before bombing out. I'm dreading having to talk to people about it because I cannot keep it from showing on my face.... I have nebulous plans but if pressed it will be revealed how shallow they are... idk.

So far the bad jokes + geek seems to be doing ok. Some users hit a wall when they realize they don't actually know anything about me but when I had a "more is more" profile I got 0 response. over 200+ messages with 3 responders total (granted 1 that let to a few dates). Now I actually am having a little trouble keeping track of all the convos. I saw a post somewhere about blank profiles getting lots of messages. IDK.

I think I personally would rather be forthcoming about my geekiness, lest I attract only those who might ultimately be put off once they discover it. But then, I no longer have much interest in "dating" or "having a relationship" with an NT, now that I know that a fellow Aspie is way more likely to "get" me (and I him).

Oh, and kind of weird - I was able to see HB's profile, but not KingofKaboom's.....

well then, your profile's just fine.

As for the life status embarrassment, man oh man have I lived that. Over a period of 3 years (up until last year) I grossed about $10K. Yes, in 3 years. I also spent 1.5 of those years living in a construction site. (my friend's house that was under a massive renovation.) I was functioning at my lowest ever in all ways. Life sucked. I was certainly embarrassed to be in that position in life, especially considering I rattled off 130.5credits of business & industrial engineering school in 2 years by the time I was 19 years old. I had much higher expectations of myself. The biggest silver lining to that time of my life was that it was then that I met my now closest friend (who I still have a crush on) who got to know me at my worst, yet has still be an amazing friend to me. Now that I've figured out how to reduce/eliminate symptoms as I have, I've become my best me ever and he's getting to know me as I am now and it's awesome. I still hold hope that one day we'll end up together as us vs. as friends. All in due time. Some things have to happen first, namely him reading the 20 pages I wrote him months ago that detail how I know he's also on the spectrum. Then he has to process all of that & things have to settle down. I hope that whole process brings us closer together, and eventually "together," together.

I digress.. yeah, I can relate to being embarrassed about where you're at in life/finances, that's for damned sure. But now my bankruptcy is behind me, I'm working full time+ and taking home nearly the most I ever have (although I'm working 65h/wk for it vs. 25 and still not making quite as much), have a car that's paid for & savings beginning to accumulate in my bank account. I'm closing in on $4K & trying to get up to $10K cash in another few months - but that may require a small miracle/business opportunity on the side to make happen. Then on and up to more $, stability, better physical fitness and health and so on and so forth. Eventually I'll have the savings required to launch the business plan I've had brewing for 5+ years now that's much more lucrative than the one that led to the demise of my past financial incarnation. For myself, things will be good, stable, happy, ever improving.. and if they include him too, wonderful - but I'm still going to be doing these things for me regardless, it's up to him, of course, if he wants to join me as my partner in crime. Not gonna lie though, the prospect of attracting him does motivate me to continue working on everything I am in my life in order to remove all of the objections he has about us dating until it just becomes a natural transition that we do.

Blah blah blah, been there in a rough patch before.. so I know what it's like.

First of all to the OP, I think it's a pretty well done profile. Certainly better than a lot I've viewed and even messaged.

I'm the same way. Sometimes I go back in forth because I don't want to eliminate possiblities, but then I remember that I probably wouldn't get along with them as well so I put it on my profile.



Haha, that is great.

http://okcupid.com/profiles/DiomedesRuin
Since I feel it was missed. Maybe I should make my own thread? I would really appreciate some tips though.

^ link doesn't work. I think it's because you put an "s" in profiles.

I'll look at the new profiles in here later.

Yup, removed the "s," and it works.

First flaw: Stating that you're looking for a new town to live in but would like to meet some people while you're here... major flaw. It may be true, but keep that to yourself. People interested in dating or a long term relationship aren't going to message you because they'll figure if they start something with you it can never go anywhere because you're planning on moving anyways. So, unless you're just looking for one night stands or other people not serious about dating, I'd omit that detail entirely. Don't even bring it up as a topic of discussion on a date, either, especially the first one. Putting this on your profile can only hurt your chances of getting a message/date, IMO.

Second flaw: Saying it again. Just leave it as having completed HVAC training, looking to get into the field asap, and eventually would like to do your own contracting. Leave out the bit about leaving the state. Again, this can only hurt your chances of meeting someone.

Third: Mostly just grammar. Try copying & pasting your profile into MS word or something that will do a grammar check and suggest corrections. I was able to make sense of it just fine, but some of your sentences don't really flow perfectly. They could use a little more punctuation (commas) in some cases, and could stand to be broken up into a couple of sentences in other. It's not unreadable or anything, it could just use some improvement to help you come across a little better is all.

Fourth: On a typical Friday night... I'd go with less is more on the answer to this one. Shorten it up to something like "After a long week's work, I like to unwind and relax on a typical Friday night." Leave it at that. If someone wants to know more they'll ask. This also leaves it open to wonder what you do to unwind & relax, ie whether that means staying home all the time, having a drink, visiting friends or going out for beers on a pub patio. This way they won't know whether you're social or antisocial and can't really assume either way. Going on about decompressing from the week and so on makes it sound like you're totally exhausted from the work week and a bore to be around on a Friday night. No need to BS and say you can't wait to go clubbing on Friday nights (which is a turnoff to many, anyways.), but to say enough to come across as a bit of a homebody that isn't very social isn't going to do you any favours in terms of getting responses on okcupid. Just sayin'. Less is more.. keep it super short & simple. Let people wonder enough to ask you questions vs. say enough to let them make assumptions.

Thank you for your post! I made some changes in regards to your comments. Sadly the grammar issue is one I've always had and I don't seem to have any programs that can catch them. Commas are my eternal enemy >.<

No problem.

I wasn't feeling all that motivated to do much in the real world today, so may as well make some posts that are of value to someone.

As for the grammar/commas stuff.. try reading your sentences out loud and see if you can catch yourself wanting to pause and sort of change direction and tone a little bit mid sentence. Chances are if there's a natural pause there, that spot could use a comma. I'm not sure if people tend to pick up on these things more reading them out loud or not, but I figured I'd suggest it as anything is worth a shot. Good luck!

Ok, now I can see your main problem, and it's a huge turn off indeed.

*whistling*, and no, I won't tell you, you have to find this yourself.

Hey goldfish, if you're not busy, do you suppose you could glance over and critique my profile, as well? You had some nice insights in another thread. I posted a link earlier but here it is for convenience: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/UnthwartedHeart

f**k, I just typed up a long response and my browser froze up and I lost it. I'll try again. Hopefully it's just as valuable and a little more concise.

First impression: "TLDR," is probably a frequent reaction to your profile. There's too much text in the self-summary. I bet there are quite a few people who see that and don't even bother to read it. Nothing you've said is bad or wrong, really, there's just too much of it. Try cutting down the text by about 50%. Yes, that much. You want to say just enough about yourself to get people interested in asking you questions, but not enough that they figure they know enough and don't have to. Less is more. "Sell the sizzle, not the steak," as one salesman once told me. And really, that's what you're doing here is selling yourself.. your profile is a marketing tool, you've just got to utilize it optimally. Further, people will read things with more white space - so shorten paragraphs or break them into two where appropriate.

Self summary: I'd rephrase the first line somehow. Opening off with "I'm in a transitional phase of my life while I switch careers." MAY scream "unemployed/unemployable," to some and result in them clicking back or closing right away vs. even reading the rest of the first paragraph to realize you're actually making a big switch from one legitimate career to another. Rephrase it to something like "while I've enjoyed working in _____, I'm currently making the switch to _____." so it communicates what you're doing vs. the vague opening line you have now that MIGHT scare some people off from even reading your second sentence based on the assumptions it MAY make some people make. Better to rephrase it and avoid the potential for that. Idiot-proof it, if you will.

The second paragraph is a bit all over the map.. either delete a bunch of text, or break it into 2 or 3 paragraphs. The mention of INTJ personality type just kind of comes out of left field after already switching topics sentence by sentence. Further, I know it's a Myers-Briggs personality type, but okcupid readers may not have a clue what you're talking about. Either elaborate, or eliminate. I'd go with eliminate because less is more. why give people more ammunition to go research about you and your personality type online and then make assumptions about you when you could say much less & have a better chance of messages and dates to gauge each other in real life?

Split the next paragraph into a health/fitness & leisure/entertainment paragraphs. Even if all you to his break in half with a white space line between them it'll flow & look better. In the fitness bit, I'd rephrase the logic of a treadmill bit to something along the lines of "I prefer the great outdoors to running on a treadmill," and leave it at that so as not to come across as overly analytical and logical like Data from Star Trek.

It's good that you've elaborated about what kind of person you're looking for, but again, try to trim it down a little. Less is more. It's not excessively wordy.. just looks a little long, visually. Try to keep it short and sweet with just enough detail to make someone wonder if they fit the bill so they'll ask vs. putting out too many specific or restrictive criteria that they can eliminate themselves by. It's kind of a given that anyone with a decent head on their shoulders isn't looking for someone leading an illegal lifestyle, so I'd just delete that bit completely. Then IF by some slim chance you ever do meet someone who's like that, well, whatever.. at least you met them and got to practice some conversation skills while you found out they were a dirty pirate hooker involved in corporate espionage and human trafficking to our alien overlords.

You've done a much better job at being concise with your match question answers. Bravo.

One that stands out like a sore thumb to me is your answer to what people notice first about you. From my paradigm perspective, it absolutely screams "Aspie!" as having an overly formal vocabulary and way of speech is a textbook Aspie trait. I've had people in the past comment about my speech as well, and back then I didn't get it, because I didn't realize I even talked "that way," as it was just the way I talked.. but having since learned all about AS it makes sense why I've had people ask what my parents do for a living and be surprised when I don't say doctor/lawyer/engineer and then comment about how it's "..just the way you talk," that makes them think that. If you don't want your neurotype broadcast to anyone who knows about AS, I'd change your answer or at least rephrase it to something like "The first thing people usually notice about me is the way I talk. I guess people just aren't used to a guy being formal and polite these days. I like to think it's a pleasant surprise for them." You're saying the same thing, but not providing the textbook Aspie trait detail specifics about an unusual vocabulary and way of phrasing speech. Again, sell the sizzle, not the steak. Literally think about reading the descriptions of meals on a well written menu... there's a lot of sizzle to make you salivate, but very little substance, specifics, or technical details.

Authors, ok. Movie list is pretty varied. TV list is pretty nerdy - again, if you don't mind coming across that way, don't bother changing it because it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm just pointing out that it is a bit geeky and others will likely have the same reaction to it. Don't add different shows you don't watch just to pretend you waste your time on that crap, if anything just omit some. Re-reading it now, at least it does have a decent mix. It's just that some shows are kind of polarizing. ie Jeopardy is most likely to be considered boring by a lot of girls. Same with M*A*S*H. Futurama could be considered immature etc. Then again, you like what you like and who gives a s**t if someone else doesn't like it? At least you don't have dozens of tv shows listed as if you're a total couch potato tv junkie. That's a major plus.

On a typical Friday night.. your answer makes you sound boring by opening up with "studying at the library." Again, BS about going clubbing isn't necessary, but rephrasing the truth makes it sound a whole lot more appealing. I'd say something like "working out or learning something new." Makes you sound plenty more attractive and interesting vs. a boring quiet antisocial nerd who'd rather sit in a silent library on a Friday night than even have a conversation with me. (the potential date.) Maybe those are your true preferences, but the objective here is to sell yourself with this personal ad profile marketing tool so that you can get messages and dates. Don't reveal too much about yourself in your profile so that people can make judgements about you. Only reveal enough to make them want to message you, go on a date, and find out for themselves. Then you at least have an opportunity to make a first impression in real life.


PS The answer is "Immigrant Song." what's my prize?


pps - see what I did there? I edited my post to change the amount of white space before/after the PS above. Double line, and some space before my signature. Chances are you read it. when I first hit submit, there was only one space & it was practically riding my signature below, making it difficult to notice & read. So, I changed it, and it looks better, annnnd it probably caught your eye a lot easier resulting in you reading it. Same goes for your profile.

Change the thread title then. You basically posted an invitation to tear your profile apart.

delete

Last edited by hale_bopp on 02 Jan 2014, 5:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

*shrug* ok.

Thanks for those who have added their input, it has been very insightful.