How these trashy men even get into relationships?

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Now would be a good time to jump out of the pot - establish a new paradigm for your life.

He is in a slump and depressed? Did he work before?

Yes, and he felt too anxious to carry on there, so he saved a pile of money, then is incredibly cheap and pays no rent. This has enabled him to carry this routine on. He told me he provided his ex with company and she provided him with a free place to stay. It's quite a blunt thing to state....

is_he.... My girlfriend is not letting me use the autism excuse for important things. Sure she gets that I'm a literal thinker, and that I like to stimulate my mind with reading and writing. She sees that I sometimes talk a lot about certain subjects, but she asks the questions to get me talking as well. I ask her lots of questions and inquire about her feelings and turn ons because I like her to.

What she won't do is enable me in beleiving "I can't work this type of job because of my Aspergers" when I simply revealed last night that I simply don't want to work jobs that require dealing with lots of clients and customers, or working long hours of the day (ie 10-12 hours, 8 is enough for me). So instead of encouraging me to get any job, she is encouraging me to read and write since that is what I like to do. The "I can't do this because of Aspergers" is a self-defeating attitude to have.

If your guy is who you say he is, I would think he believes in his limitations and doesn't want the help thinking otherwise either. It seems he loves living in a relationship where he is pitied. And from reading your posts, his attitude may have rubbed off on you as well. The guy is self-pitying and self-defeating. There really is no other way to look at it from my point of view.

Because your accusation of sexism is drama escalating.

However, I made this thread according to a specific pattern on WP, and the pattern is gender-specific: Women complaining about the psycho/violent/parasite behavior of their men and asking if they are autistic. This how the pattern is.

If the pattern was men complaining about the psycho/violent/parasite behavior of their wives, then I would have called the thread "How these trashy women even get into relationships?" - and if the pattern was from both genders I would have titled it "How these trashy people even get into relationships?".

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Jan 2014, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Face of Boo, you come across as a jerk. Why aren't women fawning over you?

Apparently I am not tall, dark and handsome .

Face of Boo: Oh, I admit I responded to a common pattern in forum conversations across many forums, wherein some guy complains about women who end up in bad relationships and it turns into 'wommenz are dumb.' It may not be the pattern here, though I've seen a little of it in this thread.

For instance, cafe au lait's "Because of stupid girls", or RightGalaxy's "these women are parasite hosts", or your comment that trashy women attract trashy men--the situation is more complicated than simply bad judgement on the part of the involved women (or men, when this happens to men.)

Several people have pointed out that many of these guys/women don't show their true colors up front. They lie, they charm, they act sweet and slowly change the lives of their victims in ways that seem normal, or reasonable, or seem as if they're done for good reasons. It's hard, when someone you love is lying to you, or slowly finding good reasons for you to stop hanging out with friends, or tells you it hurts their feelings if you mention your exes (or whatever), to really understand where things are headed and how bad they'll get. Who expects things to get that... awful?

I would doubt that the person who's being victimized really wants to end up in a sh***y relationship, nor are they being actively stupid. (In fact, I've had some sh***y relationships and I'm well into the genius range of IQ). It's not that easy, but people seem to find it easy in general to assume it is that easy.

Sometimes, the other person is just a f*****g predator.

No one can predict the future but what's puzzling is their resistance to go for an exit.

And for some reason, these women always end up quitting after being convinced that their spouses are AS, weird, as if AS is the scapegoat in order to convince themselves that they can never change the jerkiness of these men.

Face of Boo: It isn't mystifying--women are socialized to think their instincts are untrustworthy, that their needs are not as important as everyone else's, that they need to be considerate of others' feelings, that their happiness is contingent on their relationships, that they should probably be submissive to one degree or the other and that men will tend to understand 'better' than they do.

With that kind of socialization, it's f*****g hard to leave. And a lot of these guys do things like cut these women off from support networks, friends and family, as well as spying on them. There are a lot of physical concerns for safety which end up being reasons not to leave, as well as the fact that a threat can be as effective as action if the person being threatened genuinely believes they're in danger if they behave in a way the abuser doesn't like.

And then there's the guys who hold kids/pets/money for ransom....

As far as AS being blamed, I'm with you. It's NOT why this is happening. I was informed when I was diagnosed that technically, AS shares traits with schizoid personality disorders. Maybe what they're mistaking for AS is something else, like sociopathy, narcissism, or just textbook sadism.

I fit the schizoid personality - if not AS what I have, then I am probably SP.

Face of Boo: I've met a rather large amount of people with antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy over the years. My brother, for instance, was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

Y'all are an odd bunch (says the aspie). Some things I understand, some things I don't about people with that disorder. I talk to one almost every day. He's nice enough to try and mimic empathy for me, and I don't take him personally, for the most part.

And if he does insult or frustrate me, I tell him so. Sometimes we go awhile without talking, and sometimes I say all the awful, itchy things rattling around in my skull at him, and vice versa.

In some ways, it's refreshing to talk to him. The name of the game is absolute honesty, with a side of mental chess. However, if we tried to date, it'd probably end in (figurative) homicide, so we keep things a little distant, by mutual and very explicit agreement.

I know plenty of guys like this IRL. The answer is simple: Social performance and the image they project.

One guy in particular never ceases to amaze me. He is 32, a high school dropout who completed his GED when he was 29 (because his GF at the time did all the online work for him), could not even get past the lowest intro course of community college (took it and failed it 5 times till he gave up...this was not available online so his GF couldn't do it for him).... has worked as a valet parking person for 12 years at a fancy hotel making minimum wage and living with his parents (who pay for his car, his gas and all his bills).

In person he is utterly useless. He doesn't even know how to change the tire of his car even less carry a conversation that involves rational or critical thought. I don't say this out of ill will towards him, I say this as an objective observation. He can't even multiply or divide single digit numbers. He has an attitude that everyone is beneath him in this world and even work is beneath him. He won't even consider changing his job to another valet parking company that paid a lot more (and had more tips..in his current job tips are forbidden) because in his current job he gets to drive sports cars every now and then. O.o

Yet... he gets GFs very easily. I'm not talking the needy/ugly/easy picking GFs , I'm talking girls who live on their own, support themselves, go to college and have a very down to earth attitude towards life. The reason they dump him after a couple of years is because they realize he is a useless leech. However the HOW he gets these GFs is what is worth noting.

He dresses up very well. His attitude can be described as 'swag' (extrovert display of confidence), has an amazing gossip/media/social knowledge base (he can talk about any show on TV or any famous person's life for hours) and finally, his parents are rather well off...so he has his own motorcycle and a luxury brand sedan...and the money he makes from his valet job since he has no expenses is enough to spend around with girls.

He isn't even a charming, likeable person. Just imagine Newt Gingrich in his 30's...thats the best comparison I can give you.

How I know this? I'm related to him. He's been the same kind of person since he was very little.

The greatest irony is that he did marry when he was 24 to an amazingly gorgeous and smart girl...who divorced him a year later. To this day he keeps moaning how he lost her not because of losing her but because her family was very,very,VERY rich and he could've such a grand life.

UGH ><

But is he abusive, violent or psycho? This guy is simply lazy but with great entertainment value, not very surprising that he gets gfs for short term.

They dump him because he's unambitious and certainly not a marriage material but I don't think he cares.

I do not know really. He does have a serious temper problem and displays it physically (aka punch walls, etc). That is a different level of trash and I understand what you're getting to there. I know guys like that too..and those really get a lot of short term GFs.

I don't consider 2 years avg to be 'short term' unless you're looking to settle down. Short term to me is like 6 months tops.

The problem is that them using AS as a scapegoat actually hurts people with AS. When those women describe some legitimate abuse issues or trashy behaviour, very rarely do they describe behaviours that seem to have any connection whatsoever to do with the actual diagnostic symptoms of AS. On the other hand, it also gives some other very narcissistic women an excuse to mistreat an aspie partner, refuse to work with them on problems that may legitimately be caused by Asperger's and then whinge on internet forums that they have "Cassandra" because the Aspie partner is not providing them with their narcissistic supply. That is also understandably offensive to people with AS because it is telling them that they don't deserve relationship simply on the basis of having AS.