Good OkC messages

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Good point. I did reply, but because he lived so far away, the communication kind of petered out.

The first one, we exchanged a bunch of messages, planned to meet (even though he also lives relatively far away), but he ended up finding someone closer to actually date, so we didn't go through with meeting, since it was at least a 200-mile round trip for each of us to meet for lunch. We do still touch base occasionally, though.

My messages are actually structured really similarly to the one in the OP, and I've had great success with it. It's very formulaic, but so is the whole premise of online dating. Since we're on the subject of good messages, may as well share the bad too. This one below is what I consider to be the absolute worst a person could send (barring downright crude/offensive/crazy ones)

"hw u doin? wanna chat??"

The thing that really made me laugh was that in the profile of the person who sent me that one recently, she lambasted men for sending her similar messages, and went on about how she is attracted to intelligence and good grammar lol.

Last edited by Stargazer43 on 21 Feb 2014, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Here's another one that elicited a reply from me:

****
Do you mind if I copy and use your profile? It is much better than what I was able to come up with
****

I'm still talking to him occasionally, too.

There are many others that I responded to out of politeness, but unenthusiastically because they were so mundane. My response to those was usually along the lines of "thank you for your kind words, good luck in your search."

The ones I don't bother to respond to fall into one of the following formats (or similar):

"hi how r u"

"hey beautifull [sic]"

or

"i want to meet u"

so while I was looking up convos this girl liked me, heres the line

"Do you want to build a snowman? It doesn't have to be a snowman!"

I told her I was disabling my accnt and got her number... that was fast lol. Though she wont tell me her name still.

That was your line to her, or her line to you?

Going to be tough to call her up if you don't have her name

Yours is a completely different way of going about online dating to mine. I don't think either are bad, but I'd be so curious to know how different the types of people are who we are communicating with. Not exactly an easy thing to find out, though.

I mostly do

Hi/hello/howdy, would you like to chat?

i'm not good looking to most and one can't tell who will like my looks from looking at a person. so i don't want to waste my time like i use to, so i'd just prefer knowing if they find me attractive before i send them good messages.

Well I don't know about most women, but my response to that kind of message, every single time, is:


*crickets chirping*


I won't even look at your picture. But if this method works for you, that's great. (I'm assuming you gave it as an example of a good message?)

How do you find out if someone thinks you're attractive or not through that message? o_O

nope i really gave up on sending good well thought messages, they look at my picture and never read the message.

so i figure why send one, i though if i ask if they want to chat, if they like how i look, they'll reply

the most recent one i acutely tried with.

Hello there __________,

I hope you are having a fine Thursday evening. People call me ________ I saw that we liked each other so thought I'd stop by and drop you a message

I'm generally fun and funny. I enjoy making people laugh and smile. I love to go camping and hiking(doing together is fun too). I also enjoy simple walks around town chatting I like the woods its relaxing being with nature. I also like to stay in and cuddle with a movie/show. I love card/board games too they are so fun.

You said you play league, what is that? why do you think your weird? Everyone is a little weird or we'd all be the same


I thought hey she clicked that she likes me, so must mean i have a shot. but nope. so the time i wasted thinking of what to say was pointless. I suppose she clicked like on accident .


I've wrote longer ones, but she didn't have much to go on info wise. Though I've learned messages don't really matter. long, short, sweet, funny, interesting, exciting, means nothing if you're not good looking. some reply and drag it on, until they find a better looking guy.

cause if they find you attractive they'll want to chat to get to know you more. so if they don't reply then they thought you ugly.

Well I can think of some possible reasons she didn't reply, all based on your message:

1) You talked a lot about yourself. You went on and on for a paragraph. Don't you have those things in your profile? If so, she can read your profile to find that out about you. So it kinda looks like you like to talk about yourself.

2) She may have been offended that you didn't know what league was. If it's important to her, she might like to meet people who at least know what it is. I'd have looked it up instead, then asked something else about it.

3) There are a lot of emoticons and bad spelling/grammar. The message appears somewhat immature. But, if your profile reads the same then that shouldn't have been a problem.

Just some possibilities to think about.

1.well in the past I was criticized for not talking about myself, something I don't like doing. now you say not to talk about myself o.O seems there's no making women happy. I really don't know what to put in messages then. compared to some messages I've seen, i didn't feel i went on too long.

2. league, it could be baseball, football, tennis, golf, swimming, etc or it could be several card games. so i asked. her profile is rather um vague.

3. I've been misunderstood in the past with humor, how does one translate humor to text? so I use the silly face to let them know I'm being silly rather then serious. I take it most aspie are really good with grammar? I try my best, but as hard as I try i simple can't remember that stuff. I have trouble remembering stuff from books too. It made school challenging . I've seen people with far worst grammar and spelling them me that bothers me, so bad to the point you have no ideal what they said. Maybe i should just live like a hermit or wait until our failing education system catches up with me. I do try my best to do proper spelling and grammar and at one point knew the proper use of ; but I can't seem to retain it or other knowledge and it makes me depressed. just like the German I learned and now the automotive stuff. It also scares me

but year my profile was the same, she either liked me based on looks, which I don't get or did it on accident(there's no way to unlike someone on pof) pof like me is more like would you sex me. It's suppose to be based only on pictures. I go and read their profile though. I like people based on both picture and profile.

I guess I'll add my memory and spelling to the list of why I'm unlovable

if i can ask. Is my grammar super terrible or is it just not great? I can live with not living up to grammar lovers standards. I didn't think mine was so terrible, but everyone here keeps saying it and a guy on another forum keeps comparing me to elementary students or of English being my second language.

Those were just possibilities, I couldn't say if any of them had anything to do with you not getting a response. Just some ideas.

1) In response to "I really don't know what to put in messages then", my suggestion would be something that looks similar to the two examples I gave. But of course others will agree or disagree with this, so it's up to you what you try or don't try.

2) "What league sport do you play?" might be better that "league, what is that?". Though we don't really have league where I live so I don't know they proper way to refer to it.

3) Your spelling and grammar are not that bad. I'm a proofreader so I pick up on everything (except my own mistakes!), so I'm a harsher critic than most. I'd recommend learning the basics like the difference between "you're" and "your" as this can be one that irritates people. But like I said, if your message was written the same way as your profile, it shouldn't be a problem if she already sent you a "like".
As for emoticons, expressive punctuation like the exclamation mark can sometimes be used instead of smileys, e.g. the second or fourth ones you used in your message.

My comments are much the same as yellowtamarin's. Here's a rough re-write of something that I would have found much more appealing than the original:

Hello there __________,

I hope you are having a fine Thursday evening. I saw that we liked each other so thought I'd stop by and drop you a message

Why do you think you're weird? Everyone should be a little weird or we'd all be the same

<Your name>

If she found him attractive she would have replied.

It's not some "imbalance" in his first message that made him unattractive to her: "Oh he talked 60% more about himself than about me, therefore I find him unattractive" --> it's not that.

This what happened: <she checks his profiles>, "not hot, next".