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886
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21 May 2014, 6:25 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Some people just don't get it.

If society says you're worthless, it's society's perception.

Some people who society says are worthless actually think they're wonderful, and when they have a knock back, they blame other people, because they think they're great. This allows them to have knock back after knock back without falling, and eventually they get a girlfriend.

This is the same reason "alpha" males don't get upset when they get rejected. And believe me, they do. Instead of falling over, they wobble a bit then keep trying.

People who care about society's opinion more than trying to work on their opinion of themselves fall over every time, and eventually give up.


You know in a weird way when I think this through I actually accept what you're saying. It actually makes sort of sense. I will meditate on this further. I've wondered what if the "real world" is the "real world" because people accept it as the "real world?" In that sense, what if perception does help to shape the reality?

What if I chose to reject this paradigm and create my own "real world" Why do I have to accept the paradigm of what society says. Maybe it is time to "Question Authority" and "Think for yourself" instead of being defined by constructs put forth by someone else who has an agenda. Hale_Bopp, you make sense.


And basically, if you aren't out trying to prove your masculinity or constantly seeking attention or validation from others, people will like you more often.


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cubedemon6073
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21 May 2014, 6:50 am

886 wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Some people just don't get it.

If society says you're worthless, it's society's perception.

Some people who society says are worthless actually think they're wonderful, and when they have a knock back, they blame other people, because they think they're great. This allows them to have knock back after knock back without falling, and eventually they get a girlfriend.

This is the same reason "alpha" males don't get upset when they get rejected. And believe me, they do. Instead of falling over, they wobble a bit then keep trying.

People who care about society's opinion more than trying to work on their opinion of themselves fall over every time, and eventually give up.


You know in a weird way when I think this through I actually accept what you're saying. It actually makes sort of sense. I will meditate on this further. I've wondered what if the "real world" is the "real world" because people accept it as the "real world?" In that sense, what if perception does help to shape the reality?

What if I chose to reject this paradigm and create my own "real world" Why do I have to accept the paradigm of what society says. Maybe it is time to "Question Authority" and "Think for yourself" instead of being defined by constructs put forth by someone else who has an agenda. Hale_Bopp, you make sense.


And basically, if you aren't out trying to prove your masculinity or constantly seeking attention or validation from others, people will like you more often.


That is a form of the paradox of happiness like I said. Quit trying seek other's approval and others may actually approve, may being the operative word. Not everyone will approve of you no matter what you do so screw it. Pursue your own interests, have fun, and who cares what others think as long as I still demonstrate respect for others.

There is no safe social code that will win me approval by everyone because people have their own tastes, desires, wants, etc.



Vomelche
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22 May 2014, 10:56 pm

Hale made some good points.

Its kind of like depression in this case is the state of mind of really wanting something, but not being able to obtain it. If you stop wanting, but rather just treat it as an objective you will feel better about it and probably be more successful at some point.



onewithstrange
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22 May 2014, 11:38 pm

Vomelche wrote:
Hale made some good points.

Its kind of like depression in this case is the state of mind of really wanting something, but not being able to obtain it. If you stop wanting, but rather just treat it as an objective you will feel better about it and probably be more successful at some point.


Not sure what you mean by treating it as an objective.


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Vomelche
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23 May 2014, 6:27 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
Not sure what you mean by treating it as an objective.


Detaching your emotions from the process.



Autinger
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23 May 2014, 8:03 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
This is my dilemma:

I hear all the time that in order to love another person, you must first love yourself. We should be happy people on our own and a relationship is just bonus. Thing is, I love everything about myself except my poor social skills and feeling that I'm unable to get a girlfriend if I wanted one, which I do. I don't know how to approach women, talk to them, ask them out, all that. Because of my poor social skills, I've been depressed for the past 4 years. The only solution I can think of to escape this depression is to get some success with dating and convince myself that I'm desirable for that reason, but I'm not feeling happy enough with myself to try approaching someone. I feel it would be unfair\unattractive to approach someone while I'm feeling this way.

I have very little relevant life experience and I need to be told what I should do.


Be yourself, (who you say you love), or "you" won't be loving anyone. You, would be a fake version of yourself and she, would be loving "him". That's what I've always read into "you must love yourself before you can love another". Not that you should be feeling happy about being alone.

So how should you approach women? The way -you- feel like doing. What to talk to them about? What -you- like.

If you start approaching dating from -your- standpoint, being a guy who likes who he is but hates the fact he's alone instead of thinking you need to "present" someone who doesn't really need someone else then everything should make more sense. In my perception most people mistake the types of confidences, be self-confident, not overconfident.
(
Wiki:
Confidence: Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.
Self-confidence: Self-confidence does not necessarily imply 'self-belief' or a belief in one's ability to succeed. For instance, one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain 'confident' in one's demeanor, simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure.
Overconfidence: Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure
)

It's perfectly okay to use the desire of not wanting to be alone as a way of approaching woman, and asking them out. It's perfectly okay to explain you have nothing interesting to say any more at the moment but just like to be around her. What you want should be enough for her or it's just not meant to be.



And of course realize that every rejection is going to lead to eventually finding "the one". She won't reject you and it will be magic and if one of those previous ones hadn't rejected you because you were being yourself, you would have never met her. Maybe she will come on your worst night, when you have no confidence left, but still have the strong desire to not be alone and therefore didn't give up and approached her with your lamest attempt.


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