Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Another one flaked.

Page 3 of 4 [ 51 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 2:13 am

sly279 wrote:
why does it seem like everyone on here's advice for guys and dating is hit the gym lose weight. (eye roll). I'm tired of hearing that. like if you don't have an athletic body you're hopeless or something. do you relly want to live in a world where everyone has six packs and athletic bodies, I don't I like our world of different body types. and personally I like my body type. I don't want to become a twig and walk around with my rib cage poking thru all for the hopes of attracting random women to walk up and ask me out.

I also don't like the get all your sh** together before you find someone, so much problem with that, not everyone will get their stuff together, some might take their whole lifes, so many different opinions on what having your life together means. I also see lots of people who don't have their stuff together in relationships. and some who do and are alone. though the women, here in my area that are into dating, seem to be super focused on having a "job" I don't know what that means so i assume it means like a high paying career. I miss the 60s where it was all about love, go out and find it man. I wasn't even born yet but sure sounds nice aside from the bad racial stuff and cold war and less women's rights, so um but the love part. now adays everything is so materialistic. What does having a good job have to do with anything about being a good romantic partner. I could be a as*hole womanizer and have a great job.

blah L&D is so utterly depressing and I was having a almost above neutral day :'(

You mean a world where everyone is healthy and takes care of themselves, a world without diabetes, eating disorders and hypoglycemia? Yeah, that sounds terrible.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

29 May 2014, 2:28 am

..



Last edited by sly279 on 29 May 2014, 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 2:43 am

sly279 wrote:
I don't have a world without diabetes, eating disorders and hypoglycemia, I'm quite healthy, I'm just not skinyy.

as for being dramatic. I am just tied of hearing hit the gym, or lose weight. It makes it seem like all that matters is how a person's body looks.

Imagine if every thin person got to to go gain weight or go hit the grocery store. I bet they would feel bad that someone is telling them the body they are happy with is bad. most people would say that's bad, why is it ok to say the same thing to anyone larger then thin. unless they are too big to fit through a door they aren't doing too bad.

no but I can only imagine the result of said working out and athletic body would be six packs yes?

tired of others trying to make me feel bad about my body.


I bet only 5% of guys who hit the gym have a six packs, and no, only gym junkies would want to reach that, I am not telling you to be a gym junkie.
And if you hate the gym you can do some other physical activity, like jogging or home workout or yoga; it would just make you feel healthier and it's good to counter any depressive thoughts.
No one claimed it's enough, and no one claimed this what you have to do in order to get a gf, and no one claimed that people who never work out are never in relationships, but I personally claim that it's easiest change to start with.



CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 3:03 am

Never get in shape for a woman get in shape for yourself. If I wanted to increase my chances of getting a girlfirend in this area and thats all I cared about, I would stop training, starve myself down to 160 pound sand grow my hair long, instead I'm 212 and I shaved my head. I think the point I'm trying to make is, just do things for yourself, not for girls you've never even met. Always put yourself first. What is good for your own personal health, over what will get you a girlfriend. If they don't like you for you, they arent worth it and it wont last anyway. I'm on okcupid as well and guess what, I have the same issues. This girl asked me out and then said we should break up because shes sick, I told her "I'm sick too, sick of BS." never did get a reply lol, but atleast I made myself laugh. Honestly I don't think either of us can attract women on there unless we put we make like 80 grand a year. With site like okcupid, sadly you have to not think with your brain and think with your penis on there since no one on there is serious and if they are it's rare. That's not to say I don't want a girlfriend, but with a site like that and I might get flack from the women on this board for stating this but, girls on sites like that you sort of have to think of them as a hoe/b***h until proven otherwise.



CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 3:11 am

Oh and don't get trapped into spending money on a girl you've just met. Like the girl I just mentioned, we never met up but she wanted me to meet her at the mall and then pay for a cab to take us back to my house instead of taking the bus. Don't ever get suckered into something like that. A girl you've just met isn't worth a $30 and a disappointment. A girlfriend is worth it, but not some random girl you've just met online. Remember hoe until proven innocent, this mindset helps you from being taken advantage of and being disappointed. Also, just a disclaimer, before anyone gets all uptight. I honestly hate, that one has to develop a mindset like this, but that's what this new generation has come to and before anyone states anything, yes I realize males on that site are probably just as bad.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 3:20 am

^ I think it should be "not compatible until proven otherwise" - how would you show respect to your dates if you think of them that derogatorily by default?



CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 3:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ I think it should be "not compatible until proven otherwise" - how would you show respect to your dates if you think of them that derogatorily by default?

Simply, you treat them like a woman, but are always ready for them to just leave, or lie, or do something of that sort. It's not a mindset of how to treat them, but what to expect, if that makes since. What the girl I mentioned did to me was a very bitchy thing to do was it not? Most of the girls I've talked to on there are like that. They like to play mind games. There was this other girl that just simply told me she met someone else. It sucks, but atleast she was honest and I told her that, so I wasn't mad, but usually they'll lie, play mind games, or make up some BS excuse. After awhile you grow to expect. You don't treat them with disrespect, until they disrespect you anyway and you expect they'll do something to disrespect you.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 3:44 am

CommanderKeen wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ I think it should be "not compatible until proven otherwise" - how would you show respect to your dates if you think of them that derogatorily by default?

Simply, you treat them like a woman, but are always ready for them to just leave, or lie, or do something of that sort. It's not a mindset of how to treat them, but what to expect, if that makes since. What the girl I mentioned did to me was a very bitchy thing to do was it not? Most of the girls I've talked to on there are like that. They like to play mind games. There was this other girl that just simply told me she met someone else. It sucks, but atleast she was honest and I told her that, so I wasn't mad, but usually they'll lie, play mind games, or make up some BS excuse. After awhile you grow to expect. You don't treat them with disrespect, until they disrespect you anyway and you expect they'll do something to disrespect you.


Ok, I admit that many are mind games crazies there and drama queens, and probably that's why they end up on okc in the first place, but you can't go to a date thinking she's like that until proven otherwise, it would be shown in one way or another.



CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 6:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ I think it should be "not compatible until proven otherwise" - how would you show respect to your dates if you think of them that derogatorily by default?

Simply, you treat them like a woman, but are always ready for them to just leave, or lie, or do something of that sort. It's not a mindset of how to treat them, but what to expect, if that makes since. What the girl I mentioned did to me was a very bitchy thing to do was it not? Most of the girls I've talked to on there are like that. They like to play mind games. There was this other girl that just simply told me she met someone else. It sucks, but atleast she was honest and I told her that, so I wasn't mad, but usually they'll lie, play mind games, or make up some BS excuse. After awhile you grow to expect. You don't treat them with disrespect, until they disrespect you anyway and you expect they'll do something to disrespect you.


Ok, I admit that many are mind games crazies there and drama queens, and probably that's why they end up on okc in the first place, but you can't go to a date thinking she's like that until proven otherwise, it would be shown in one way or another.

How would it show? You are getting on me for making assumptions, yet now you are making assumptions that what I think would cause me to miss treat someone when first meeting.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 8:24 am

CommanderKeen wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ I think it should be "not compatible until proven otherwise" - how would you show respect to your dates if you think of them that derogatorily by default?

Simply, you treat them like a woman, but are always ready for them to just leave, or lie, or do something of that sort. It's not a mindset of how to treat them, but what to expect, if that makes since. What the girl I mentioned did to me was a very bitchy thing to do was it not? Most of the girls I've talked to on there are like that. They like to play mind games. There was this other girl that just simply told me she met someone else. It sucks, but atleast she was honest and I told her that, so I wasn't mad, but usually they'll lie, play mind games, or make up some BS excuse. After awhile you grow to expect. You don't treat them with disrespect, until they disrespect you anyway and you expect they'll do something to disrespect you.


Ok, I admit that many are mind games crazies there and drama queens, and probably that's why they end up on okc in the first place, but you can't go to a date thinking she's like that until proven otherwise, it would be shown in one way or another.

How would it show? You are getting on me for making assumptions, yet now you are making assumptions that what I think would cause me to miss treat someone when first meeting.


Not saying you are gonna mistreat anyone, in fact you shouldn't even mistreat the "hoes", but it might show in your eye contact, body language, your tone - subtle things like that which make a lot of difference. Aspies are less talented in pretending, no?



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,145

29 May 2014, 8:28 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
They get a lot of messages there anyway, so it's highly probably for them to be contacted by a hotter prospect before the date and hence stop being interested in you.

And don't be surprised if they flake the hotter prospect for a hotter-hotter prospect and so on...


I didn't think that any hot prospect needed to get a date in this way. I read that people who search for a significant other this way RARELY meet anybody and go through a lot of people and a lot of disappointment. It's simply just more experiences and no pay-offs. It a hit or miss with a lot of misses. It's the same old dating services that existed in the 70's that the whole world made fun of. This time it uses modern technology. It's the same thing as looking for people in the back of tabloid newspapers under the "Looking for Love" section. Comedy movies from the 70's and 80's often portray skits involving this because it's so very common. There's a big difference between a freak and a person who just doesn't have the social circles to meet mates. A lot of freaks go on these sites. Some of them are dangerous and obsessive. Some might even be in prison or about to be put in one. Don't make a person a priority when they're just making you an option. Can't people try to meet through common interest groups/clubs?? These sites are like Blind Date World. I have NEVER heard anything positive about a blind date. I'd like to get to know a person, in person, face to face for a good while long before a date is even mentioned. I find these sites VERY risky.



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,145

29 May 2014, 8:44 am

Jono wrote:
So, I've been chatting online with someone on OKCupid again. Except this time, she had contacted me first. We eventually organised a date and even exchanged phone numbers. The date was organised for last Sunday. I tried to confirm the day before, when she answered but the phone cut out. After that, I couldn't get hold of her again and then I went to the agreed place and time and waited like an idiot for about half an hour an she never showed up. This about the second time this has happened where someone has dropped out at the last minute. Why is this happening?


BUT she contacted you first...this could've been a middle-schooler playing a joke. They drop out the last minute because they NEVER had any intention of going on the date. I caught my niece who is 12 doing things like this and laughing her head off about it. She did this to one of her teachers because the idiot was overheard talking about these websites to another teacher. Poor guy.
She had him believing she was a nice Christian, an R.N., 30 years old, family oriented and pretty. She was in actuality a snotty little kid who got bored and decided to have a little fun. See what I mean?? If these kids are older and driving a car, a whole group will pull up around where you agreed to meet and laugh, comment, and then post on the teen websites about you!! You pic might even end up on somewhere embarrassing. Man, you're taking a chance.
Normal, sincere adult people don't bail out the last minute. Only tricksters do...or worse, delusional married women who are married to brutes who will put you in the hospital.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 9:05 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Jono wrote:
So, I've been chatting online with someone on OKCupid again. Except this time, she had contacted me first. We eventually organised a date and even exchanged phone numbers. The date was organised for last Sunday. I tried to confirm the day before, when she answered but the phone cut out. After that, I couldn't get hold of her again and then I went to the agreed place and time and waited like an idiot for about half an hour an she never showed up. This about the second time this has happened where someone has dropped out at the last minute. Why is this happening?


BUT she contacted you first...this could've been a middle-schooler playing a joke. They drop out the last minute because they NEVER had any intention of going on the date. I caught my niece who is 12 doing things like this and laughing her head off about it. She did this to one of her teachers because the idiot was overheard talking about these websites to another teacher. Poor guy.
She had him believing she was a nice Christian, an R.N., 30 years old, family oriented and pretty. She was in actuality a snotty little kid who got bored and decided to have a little fun. See what I mean?? If these kids are older and driving a car, a whole group will pull up around where you agreed to meet and laugh, comment, and then post on the teen websites about you!! You pic might even end up on somewhere embarrassing. Man, you're taking a chance.
Normal, sincere adult people don't bail out the last minute. Only tricksters do...or worse, delusional married women who are married to brutes who will put you in the hospital.



Another reason to avoid relying on dating sites.



CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

29 May 2014, 9:20 am

Yeah, the girl I was talking to asked me for a naked picture, which screamed red flag. I sent her one of my shirtless pose pictures, that I took to see my bodybuilding progress, then later that night after she had asked me out about 9 days prior, oh lets breakup.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,677
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

29 May 2014, 10:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
TimmyBoy wrote:
Honestly mate, you're better off working on yourself. Take care of the big things (job, diet, exercise) and the little things will start to take care of themselves. Flaking will never stop being annoying, but it will happen to you less often so it won't be such a big deal. Sod online dating. Just my humble opinion :)


That doesn't work. I've done that my whole life and I've never gotten a date as a result of it. Honestly, the most success I've had was from online dating.


You don't hae a job Jono, and are you still overweight?

You should focus on those matters, forget Okc.


I've got a job trying to complete my PhD. I can't afford to have a full time job if takes time away from my studies, that's why I've got bursaries and scholarships. I can only either be a research assistant or a tutor, and only have a full time job once I get my degree, and it will still only be about research and possibly lecturing. Besides, everyone else I know who is doing the same thing as I am have already gotten married, you haven't explained to me why that is. And no, I'm not overweight.


It's either AS or they found their partners through better means, I don't know.
my advice isn't a guarantee for anything but it's probably a better investment for time, other than that, I dunno :(.


I noticed that their partners are usually, or at least often, academics themselves. The wife of a friend of mine is actually a medical doctor for example. So, they must of either met them from within their academic circles or started dating them while studying as an undergrad.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 May 2014, 10:41 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
TimmyBoy wrote:
Honestly mate, you're better off working on yourself. Take care of the big things (job, diet, exercise) and the little things will start to take care of themselves. Flaking will never stop being annoying, but it will happen to you less often so it won't be such a big deal. Sod online dating. Just my humble opinion :)


That doesn't work. I've done that my whole life and I've never gotten a date as a result of it. Honestly, the most success I've had was from online dating.


You don't hae a job Jono, and are you still overweight?

You should focus on those matters, forget Okc.


I've got a job trying to complete my PhD. I can't afford to have a full time job if takes time away from my studies, that's why I've got bursaries and scholarships. I can only either be a research assistant or a tutor, and only have a full time job once I get my degree, and it will still only be about research and possibly lecturing. Besides, everyone else I know who is doing the same thing as I am have already gotten married, you haven't explained to me why that is. And no, I'm not overweight.


It's either AS or they found their partners through better means, I don't know.
my advice isn't a guarantee for anything but it's probably a better investment for time, other than that, I dunno :(.


I noticed that their partners are usually, or at least often, academics themselves. The wife of a friend of mine is actually a medical doctor for example. So, they must of either met them from within their academic circles or started dating them while studying as an undergrad.


That's how all my colleagues, men and women, met their SO, through college, workplace, friends. No one of them ever met on okc or any other dating site.