I have feelings for a 9 year old girl???

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modernmax
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03 Jun 2014, 2:25 pm

Aristophanes wrote:

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

What if that word had been used by a grandmother who, speaking to her granddaughter sitting on her knee, proudly predicting, "Young lady, you are beautiful. You will grow up to be a doll. You are gramma's little China doll"?

Yeah, I really don't see the grandmother then saying "I really wonder what it'll be like to be with you when you're 18." *wink**wink*

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

Well, this is the tricky part. Of course, it's not wrong to tell a 15 year-old kid not to have sexual feelings for a nine year-old. However, it is very wrong to cast him as having those feelings when he has explicitly said "Its not like a crush, I can't imagine myself having an 'intelligent' or what appears to be intelligent to me conversation with her..." In short order, his original statement was re-cast to something entirely different and he has been chastised based on the cast image, which is in contradiction to his actual statement.

What this statement sounds like to me, especially when put into context of being in the Love and Dating forum is that he has no emotional attachment to her whatsoever, she is
in effect a piece of meat to him but he can't have the meat until it's 18 or it'd be illegal. Let me paraphrase what I heard in the original post: "She's like 9 and I can't bang her until she's 18. It's not like I could have intelligent conversation with her anyways, but she's gonna be smokin' when she's legal." I'm sorry, not cool dude, not cool at all.

Perhaps you have to have been raped at around the same age as her to understand my concern here, but I'm telling you this isn't healthy for the OP and it runs the potential to be devastating for the innocent 9 year old in question. Most teenagers have no empathy, poor impulse control, and no concept of lasting consequences-- I'm not about to encourage one to continue fantasizing about a mere child.

As long as he doesn't do anything dumb now
What does it matter what he thinks? He can fantasize all he wants, his mind isn't hurting her. If he can wait until she is legal and consenting, his thoughts are doing no harm. Remember that no thoughts are ever considered ''wrong'', only words or actions that may or may not result from them.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Jun 2014, 2:26 pm

The OP didn't say anything about rape, he was talking dating-wise. Of course, this is still very wrong and I think he's feeling guilty about it.

SoftwareEngineer
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03 Jun 2014, 2:26 pm

starvingartist wrote:

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

Nights_Like_These wrote:

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

Nights_Like_These wrote:

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

Interesting. Have you considered the possibility I am expressing optimism a young girl, at some future point, might be a stunningly attractive young lady?

Interesting. Have you considered the possibility that maybe "doll" isn't the best word to use here? I'm sure the hypothetical 9 yr old you speak of would appreciate your optimism and faith in her though, at least until she gets too old to use her cuteness to get what she wants and she becomes "embittered and gruesome" to behold, as you put it.

Well, one could argue that if you spend all of your time complimenting a child on their looks, they're going to grow up believing that this is the only thing they're good at, 'looking good', but your scenario is irrelevent because I'm talking about you, not a grandmother talking to her grandchild.

Given, you state a hypothetical if/then scenario, but how did the context get maximized to "all of your time"? How is that maximization reasonable?

What parameter makes the scenario irrelevant - gender, age, relationship? If the word is inappropriate for one, but not another, what are the rules and how are they applied?

well you see, there are these forces acting on human behaviour, called "cultural influence". for example, many little girls are still told all the time that they are pretty, when the same people don't say such things to boys about how they look. this gives girls the impression growing up that their value is essentially based in their appearance (and this influence starts very very young), and i think we can all acknowledge how toxic this is. when considering situations like looking at a 9 year old girl and thinking about how attractive she is/might be, one might consider these cultural influences as well, as they may be relevant to the situation. or, if you choose, you can look at things solely from a very narrow perspective and not consider other factors, if you're into that sort of thing. i think it only fair to warn you though, that if you're going to choose to stick with the narrow perspective, you're going to miss a lot in your observations of humanity, and therefore likely reach many faulty conclusions. just sayin'.

So, have you concluded, the complimentary grandmother in the above scenario is abusing her granddaughter?

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03 Jun 2014, 2:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

The OP didn't say anything about rape, he was talking dating-wise. Of course, this is still very wrong and I think he's feeling guilty about it.

Boo, if you would, please take another look at the original post. I think what the kid is really saying is he can see that the little girl will be attractive and possible interesting to date at some point in the future. From what I can see, he's just a little set back by his ability to look at a young person and imagine what they will be like in the future. Does that seem reasonable?

Autinger
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03 Jun 2014, 2:35 pm

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt260362.html

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03 Jun 2014, 2:38 pm

modernmax wrote:

Hmmm. Let's think about what you wrote. The OP says "Its not like a crush, I can't imagine myself having an "intelligent" or what appears to be intelligent to me conversation with her..." Does that or any thing in the original post seem like he is fantasizing about her? Or, is he extrapolating what she is today into a reasonable image somewhere in the future? Your opinion counts!

Aristophanes
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03 Jun 2014, 2:38 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:

Aristophanes wrote:

...Perhaps you have to have been raped at around the same age as her to understand my concern here...

That sort of broad authority based on negative experience is like assuming if a black person stole your watermelons, you now have the right to cast a negative on all blacks. That is, your bad experience gives you the right to be a self-appointed racial issues cop with authority to prevent blacks from stealing watermelons. And, of course, anyone who objects to your authority must support the theft of watermelons.

Regretfully, I'm not at all surprised you heard in the original post "She's like 9 and I can't bang her until she's 18. It's not like I could have intelligent conversation with her anyways, but she's gonna be smokin' when she's legal." But, is that an accurate interpretation based on what is actually written? I'm not asking how you feel about the OP, I'm asking what is literally there to support your interpretation.

Perhaps the fact that he flat out says he couldn't have an intelligent conversation with her, but he wants to be with her when she turns 18 because she's going to look good and asks what he should do about the situation in a thread titled "I have feelings for a 9 year old" in the Love and Dating forum. I mean come on man, how much clearer does his intention have to be here? This is not some innocuous, oh I saw a 9 year old that was pretty she's going to be gorgeous when she grows up thread. No, there are serious sexual overtones to the entire discussion.

As for shaming, not once did I call the OP a name or accuse him of anything, or even deride him. The most I've said is that his feelings are unhealthy, which they are. He should be interested in people his own age for his own social/mental development.

And you're damn right I'm going to use my experience in this situation-- BECAUSE IT'S PERTINENT. I have a unique experience with these situations and asking me not to use that experience and intuition is like going to the Super Bowl and asking Tom Brady to sit the game out because his experience might influence the result. Give me a break. I'd rather offend the entire forum, get banned, and save one child the misery than sell that one child out and please the whole lot of you.

starvingartist
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03 Jun 2014, 2:42 pm

SoftwareEngineer: i get that it's sort of your thing to play devil's advocate for the sake of discussion and debate, but this really isn't the discussion you want to be doing that in. any other topic, go nuts--but this one is just non-defensible, sorry. let it go, man.

SoftwareEngineer
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03 Jun 2014, 2:44 pm

Autinger wrote:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt260362.html

If you like that, you'll love this:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1946136.html#1946136

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03 Jun 2014, 2:56 pm

Aristophanes wrote:

...how much clearer does his intention have to be here... ...there are serious sexual overtones to the entire discussion...

Perhaps, you are extending these things in your mind. There is a vivid contrast between the OP's statement and your interpretation.

Aristophanes wrote:

As for shaming, not once did I call the OP a name or accuse him of anything, or even deride him. The most I've said is that his feelings are unhealthy, which they are. He should be interested in people his own age for his own social/mental development.

Such shaming can be explicit or implicit - direct or indirect. It can be contained in the presumption of a statement.

Aristophanes wrote:

...I have a unique experience...

So, does your feeling of unique experience make you uniquely and eminently qualified?

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03 Jun 2014, 3:01 pm

starvingartist wrote:

So, you are casting me as having the simple motivation of being the Devil's advocate. Who are you casting as the Devil and how am I advocating the Devil?

AspergianMutantt
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03 Jun 2014, 3:02 pm

How interesting, the OP made his statements, and the rest of you are feeding upon your own suppositions and fears. you end up attacking him out of your own expectations and prejudice.
I am making no judgment other then listening to your own insecurities.

Did you know, caveman only had a life expectancy of 20-25 years?

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starvingartist
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03 Jun 2014, 3:08 pm

AspergianMutantt wrote:

i find it interesting that some people view telling a 15 year old that looking at 9 year olds in a sexual context is unhealthy as "attacking" him. what's up with that?

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03 Jun 2014, 3:11 pm

starvingartist wrote:

AspergianMutantt wrote:

i find it interesting that some people view telling a 15 year old that looking at 9 year olds in a sexual context is unhealthy as "attacking" him. what's up with that?

Ah! The presumptive statement rears it's head again!

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03 Jun 2014, 3:11 pm

Ok, Software, what's your response to this:

"Hey SoftwareEngineer it's your 15 year old neighbor, I just wanted you know I have feelings for your 9 year old daughter. Its not like a crush, I can't imagine myself having an 'intelligent' or what appears to be intelligent to me conversation with her, I feel like when she grows up she is going to be BEAUTIFUL is what I think. And I keep thinking about how nice it would be to be with her when she's 18 and above, what do I do?"

What's your response to that, assuming it's your daughter he's talking about?

AspergianMutantt
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03 Jun 2014, 3:16 pm

starvingartist wrote:

AspergianMutantt wrote:

i find it interesting that some people view telling a 15 year old that looking at 9 year olds in a sexual context is unhealthy as "attacking" him. what's up with that?

Many want to ignore it but you have to look at evolution and genetics, in early human evolution people didn't expect to live long, so they married their children off early. thus the meaning of, when they bleed their old enough to breed. it may not be modern but the genetic expectations are still there. there is no wrong or right, it just is.

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