05 Jun 2014, 12:38 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2014, 12:56 am
nick007
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
05 Jun 2014, 1:51 am
05 Jun 2014, 2:32 am
Geekonychus wrote:
A friend of mine has a 1st date tonight with a guy she met on a dating site. She's asked me to remain on call so I can "coincidently" show up and rescue her in case he turns out to be a creeper.
At the time, I was playing Mario Kart with a friend whom has some (very unfortunate) "men's rights" leanings. He took great offense to this idea and claimed she was being unfair to the guy by fabricating a rescue plan before even meeting him and should just be willing to reject him outright instead. He also takes offense to what he calls "creep shaming" and was annoyed that I we would use that label because it stereotypes socially awkward men.
I tried to explain to him how women often have very good reasons to be wary and explained the difference between a creeper and a socially awkward person.
To paraphrase: Socially Awkward people may not fully understanding boundries but will respect them once made clear. Creepy people don't respect boundries and will attempt to subvert them regardless of whether they're clear or not. Many times polite rejection just doesn't work on creeps so calling in a friend to act as "3rd wheel buffer" may be underhanded but it reduces the risk of her having to breakout her pepper spray (like she's had to in the past.)
My girlfriend, on our first date, made sure to have a friend know where she was just in case and I think thats smart for everyone to do. You never know who might want to wear your skin as a suit.
At the time, I was playing Mario Kart with a friend whom has some (very unfortunate) "men's rights" leanings. He took great offense to this idea and claimed she was being unfair to the guy by fabricating a rescue plan before even meeting him and should just be willing to reject him outright instead. He also takes offense to what he calls "creep shaming" and was annoyed that I we would use that label because it stereotypes socially awkward men.
I tried to explain to him how women often have very good reasons to be wary and explained the difference between a creeper and a socially awkward person.
To paraphrase: Socially Awkward people may not fully understanding boundries but will respect them once made clear. Creepy people don't respect boundries and will attempt to subvert them regardless of whether they're clear or not. Many times polite rejection just doesn't work on creeps so calling in a friend to act as "3rd wheel buffer" may be underhanded but it reduces the risk of her having to breakout her pepper spray (like she's had to in the past.)
My girlfriend, on our first date, made sure to have a friend know where she was just in case and I think thats smart for everyone to do. You never know who might want to wear your skin as a suit.
If your daughter was going to meet a boy, neither of you yet know, would you like her to care for a back-up or not? Having an insurance for my house, does not mean, that I wont give my house a chance and automatically expect it to be burned down by electric failure, lightning, or destroyed by storms or floods - but simply that if the small chance of that sh***y situations rises, it wont end in the worst possible scenario.
You did not go into detail, what your friend meant with back-up. But if its about "That guy is somehow scaring her, and she is afraid to leave the restaurant without company," I´d definitely would like my daughter to call me, so that I can collect her personally. 911 is good for worst case, but they actually needs something to have happened. "The person I met is somehow scary to me and gives me a bad feeling and I feel afraid." is not sufficient for calling 911.
05 Jun 2014, 3:46 am
nick007
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05 Jun 2014, 4:23 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2014, 4:32 am
05 Jun 2014, 5:11 am
Autinger wrote:
I think you're Mario Kart friend is somewhere right in the idea that she's not giving him a chance by already having a tight exit strategy planned. Although it could also be a way to protect/hide her feelings/desire of hoping it's going to be really fun.
It's a good idea to let someone know where you are and with who when it's the first time meeting. But it's a different thing to have a friend on standby to show up and collect you with some kind of TV Comedy routine when it's not fun and you don't have the balls/tits to just get up and say you're leaving.
Meet somewhere where there's other people so you can ask the waiter/whoever to escort you to your car/distance away if the guy is really that much of a creep.
Don't go to the woods/somewhere secluded and have a friend standby in case the guy is such a creep that you're afraid of it "going bad" if you get up and leave. Call/Text the police instead. If the creep wants to wear your skin, having your friend come over just gives him two suits for the price of one, unless you live in a place where you're friend could be allowed to bring a gun, but then you may as well bring your own. But of course the axemurderer will probably have one too then.
It's a good idea to let someone know where you are and with who when it's the first time meeting. But it's a different thing to have a friend on standby to show up and collect you with some kind of TV Comedy routine when it's not fun and you don't have the balls/tits to just get up and say you're leaving.
Meet somewhere where there's other people so you can ask the waiter/whoever to escort you to your car/distance away if the guy is really that much of a creep.
Don't go to the woods/somewhere secluded and have a friend standby in case the guy is such a creep that you're afraid of it "going bad" if you get up and leave. Call/Text the police instead. If the creep wants to wear your skin, having your friend come over just gives him two suits for the price of one, unless you live in a place where you're friend could be allowed to bring a gun, but then you may as well bring your own. But of course the axemurderer will probably have one too then.
05 Jun 2014, 6:03 am
05 Jun 2014, 9:36 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale bopp is totally right, this case is not about safety at all, she could just inform him about his location in case she disappeared but Geeko was planned to be an exit plan.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
It's not about being a bodyguard or anything. It's about being a social buffer so she doesn't find herself alone with someone she's afraid of. I could be a 100lb girl on crutches and my role would be the same. It's about avoiding situations where you'd have to use the pepper spray or stun gun.
As expected, it was unnecessary. Apparently her date went well.
Good thing too. If she was murdered, I'd have to find another bird sitter......... and that would suck!
Autinger
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Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
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Location: Valkenswaard, Noord Brabant, The Netherlands.
05 Jun 2014, 10:25 am
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale bopp is totally right, this case is not about safety at all, she could just inform him about his location in case she disappeared but Geeko was planned to be an exit plan.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
It's not about being a bodyguard or anything. It's about being a social buffer so she doesn't find herself alone with someone she's afraid of. I could be a 100lb girl on crutches and my role would be the same. It's about avoiding situations where you'd have to use the pepper spray or stun gun.
As expected, it was unnecessary. Apparently her date went well.
Good thing too. If she was murdered, I'd have to find another bird sitter......... and that would suck!
That doesn't really make sense. That makes it sound as if when she doesn't feel "socially fulfilled", the guy deserves to be peppersprayed/shocked and the only thing would keep her back is if she had "any" friend there to "socially fill her up".
If the creep is doing something that should get him mazed/tazered than a 100 pound girl on crutches isn't going to defuse the situation, nor would her being there deter him from doing it in the first place.
05 Jun 2014, 10:41 am
05 Jun 2014, 11:13 am
05 Jun 2014, 11:39 am
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hale bopp is totally right, this case is not about safety at all, she could just inform him about his location in case she disappeared but Geeko was planned to be an exit plan.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
Geeko wouldn't be able to protect her in case the date turned out that dangerous even in a public place, unless he is physically present right there, the pepper spray or stun gun would be better.
It's not about being a bodyguard or anything. It's about being a social buffer so she doesn't find herself alone with someone she's afraid of. I could be a 100lb girl on crutches and my role would be the same. It's about avoiding situations where you'd have to use the pepper spray or stun gun.
As expected, it was unnecessary. Apparently her date went well.
Good thing too. If she was murdered, I'd have to find another bird sitter......... and that would suck!
Well, it sounds like it went well anyway. What did she think of the date?
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