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tarantella64
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19 Jul 2014, 8:32 pm

djw2398 wrote:
The problem was that I was in no way violating their policies. If they actually did a review of my account, they would have seen that. They have a policy against anything sexual in the first message you send, but this was like at least the 100th, and she brought the subject up first. We had been talking on pof and the phone for about two weeks.


Without seeing what you actually wrote, it's not possible for me to tell you what the problem was.



StrangeG
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19 Jul 2014, 9:14 pm

Ok that's enough with the crotch shot discussion. I have never sent such a picture, I do not condone the sending of such pictures. It was mentioned as something that was used as justification for gender discrimination. Then you go on to use it to support your opinion that men are more inclined to harass people? Saying you have missed the point is an understatement.

You are the one harassing someone right now. Not your gender in general, you personally.

I will not be accused of misogyny for arguing in favor of equality. Someone going on and on about how one gender is bad has less than no right to accuse me of sexism. Deal with your own sexism.



tarantella64
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19 Jul 2014, 9:25 pm

StrangeG wrote:
Ok that's enough with the crotch shot discussion. I have never sent such a picture, I do not condone the sending of such pictures. It was mentioned as something that was used as justification for gender discrimination. Then you go on to use it to support your opinion that men are more inclined to harass people? Saying you have missed the point is an understatement.

You are the one harassing someone right now. Not your gender in general, you personally.

I will not be accused of misogyny for arguing in favor of equality. Someone going on and on about how one gender is bad has less than no right to accuse me of sexism. Deal with your own sexism.


No, I did not say that you sent crotch shots, nor that you are a misogynist or a sexist, nor that you have harassed anyone. Slow down and read what's actually there.

I said that the majority of perpetrators of harassment on dating sites are men. And that I understand why a dating site would choose to ban photos from men across the board rather than go to the trouble of sifting through, considering how many offensive photos are sent by men. I also said that if women did the same thing, I would understand a site's banning women's photos across the board, even if I'd never dreamed of sending something offensive.

It's not about me, and it's not about you. It's about large numbers of people and trends, and the fact that it's a business.



AspergianMutantt
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19 Jul 2014, 9:50 pm

Actually, I have a TOM (theory of mind) question about this.

Am I right in assuming that many people assume everyone else is like them in perspective? so where a male is more visual and so assumes women should be too, and so when a male enjoys the visuals of the female genitals, he tries to turn the female on with his..? Otherwise I see no logic in flashing women when its a major turn off for the most of them, its counter productive.

Is this what seems to be going on?


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StrangeG
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19 Jul 2014, 9:57 pm

I did read your whole message. Treating me like the spokesperson for behavior I find abhorrent isn't technically an accusation, but it's a pretty strong implication.

I also understand that you think you aren't prejudiced because you think your assessment of men is correct. Plenty of racists think they aren't racist because they truly believe people of one ethnic origin are somehow better than another.

One specific manifestation of bad behavior that seems to follow gender lines does not mean there aren't an equal number of people of the other gender behaving just as badly.



Toy_Soldier
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19 Jul 2014, 9:57 pm

djw2398 wrote:

I suppose I have a different outlook than most people when it comes to sex. I have never had a one night stand, I have no interest in it, it's meaningless and risky. I never sleep with someone until well into the relationship, I know they are clean and trust them, and contraception is covered (everyone I've ever dated has been on birth control). I know it might sound bad when I don't fully explain myself, haha. That's probably what the issue was. Sometimes I don't realize how things may be taken.


Ok, I was similar. No casual stuff, safe partners, STD not an issue. But for intercourse I always used a condom, even though I hated the damn things. You do it to protect them & that is much more important then some discomfort.

Being straightforward/blunt might sound like a reasonable and honest approach but there are many problems with it, when used more or less exclusively. Good communication and relations are much more complicated and harder as each thing must be considered separately. There aren't any shortcuts really.



tarantella64
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19 Jul 2014, 10:39 pm

StrangeG wrote:
I did read your whole message. Treating me like the spokesperson for behavior I find abhorrent isn't technically an accusation, but it's a pretty strong implication.

I also understand that you think you aren't prejudiced because you think your assessment of men is correct. Plenty of racists think they aren't racist because they truly believe people of one ethnic origin are somehow better than another.

One specific manifestation of bad behavior that seems to follow gender lines does not mean there aren't an equal number of people of the other gender behaving just as badly.


No, I did not treat you like the spokesperson for that bad behavior, nor did I ever say you were.

In fact there are not so many women behaving badly in that fashion, which is why the guys who try wandering onto those sites pretending to be women are so deeply shocked and unnerved by what happens to them, how much hostility and harassment they field. They haven't experienced it to anything like that degree as men, because a lot less of that behavior comes from women. Sorry. You should try it, actually, see how you like it.



tarantella64
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19 Jul 2014, 10:41 pm

AspergianMutantt wrote:
Actually, I have a TOM (theory of mind) question about this.

Am I right in assuming that many people assume everyone else is like them in perspective? so where a male is more visual and so assumes women should be too, and so when a male enjoys the visuals of the female genitals, he tries to turn the female on with his..? Otherwise I see no logic in flashing women when its a major turn off for the most of them, its counter productive.

Is this what seems to be going on?


A lot of men have this notion that what women really want is a big dick, because that's what they're preoccupied with amongst themselves, who's got the biggest dick. They're pretty sure theirs is killer. Hence shot. Sometimes it's done aggressively to intimidate or be rude to women, too.



StrangeG
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19 Jul 2014, 11:16 pm

I give up. If you still don't get it you never will.



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20 Jul 2014, 12:14 am

StrangeG wrote:
Ok that's enough with the crotch shot discussion. I have never sent such a picture, I do not condone the sending of such pictures. It was mentioned as something that was used as justification for gender discrimination. Then you go on to use it to support your opinion that men are more inclined to harass people? Saying you have missed the point is an understatement.

You are the one harassing someone right now. Not your gender in general, you personally.

I will not be accused of misogyny for arguing in favor of equality. Someone going on and on about how one gender is bad has less than no right to accuse me of sexism. Deal with your own sexism.


^^^



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20 Jul 2014, 12:43 am

Toy_Soldier wrote:
djw2398 wrote:

I suppose I have a different outlook than most people when it comes to sex. I have never had a one night stand, I have no interest in it, it's meaningless and risky. I never sleep with someone until well into the relationship, I know they are clean and trust them, and contraception is covered (everyone I've ever dated has been on birth control). I know it might sound bad when I don't fully explain myself, haha. That's probably what the issue was. Sometimes I don't realize how things may be taken.


Ok, I was similar. No casual stuff, safe partners, STD not an issue. But for intercourse I always used a condom, even though I hated the damn things. You do it to protect them & that is much more important then some discomfort.

Being straightforward/blunt might sound like a reasonable and honest approach but there are many problems with it, when used more or less exclusively. Good communication and relations are much more complicated and harder as each thing must be considered separately. There aren't any shortcuts really.

What if you can't maintain an erection with a condom on?



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20 Jul 2014, 12:49 am

OP I sympathize with you. I can not even maintain an erection in a condom to save my life. In fact the first time I had sex, the girl kept getting mad at me, because I couldn't stay hard. You CAN find a women that is willing to go on birth control, but you have to be in a serious relationship. Also you better make sure you trust that person very well. I've been in relationship where I didn't need to use condoms, but I knew they were on the pills. All of my male friends that have girlfriends don't need to use condoms. Usually when you start in a relationship, the girl expects you to use them, but once you're with them for awhile you can talk to them about birth control. So, those women ARE out there, they're just harder to find. Also honestly no woman is going to want you to use a condom to prevent her from getting an STD, if you're in a serious relationship and she trusts you, she'll know you don't have any diseases. The main concern at that point would be getting her pregnant. Maybe a vasectomy might be worth investing into, if you don't want kids.



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20 Jul 2014, 12:49 am

Oh and POF is horrid, I wouldn't even worry about being banned from there.



tarantella64
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20 Jul 2014, 1:17 am

CommanderKeen wrote:
OP I sympathize with you. I can not even maintain an erection in a condom to save my life. In fact the first time I had sex, the girl kept getting mad at me, because I couldn't stay hard. You CAN find a women that is willing to go on birth control, but you have to be in a serious relationship. Also you better make sure you trust that person very well. I've been in relationship where I didn't need to use condoms, but I knew they were on the pills. All of my male friends that have girlfriends don't need to use condoms. Usually when you start in a relationship, the girl expects you to use them, but once you're with them for awhile you can talk to them about birth control. So, those women ARE out there, they're just harder to find. Also honestly no woman is going to want you to use a condom to prevent her from getting an STD, if you're in a serious relationship and she trusts you, she'll know you don't have any diseases. The main concern at that point would be getting her pregnant. Maybe a vasectomy might be worth investing into, if you don't want kids.


Keep in mind that many women just won't use hormonal birth control because it's...well, it has systemic effects. Hormones are pretty potent things. Pregnancy's not something I need to worry about anymore, but pills aren't an experiment I'd try again. All the other birth-control methods beyond condoms carry real physical risks, too. An IUD means a doctor visit to have an object put into your uterus...and yeah, things do go wrong. Tube-tying's a surgery and often irreversible. So if a woman's not inclined to do these things, it's for pretty good reasons. Not saying it's a problem all the time, but yeah, there are condom lifers out there. If you're quite serious about the girl and you dislike condoms enough to have surgery to avoid them, then I agree, looking into having a vasectomy may be a good idea.



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20 Jul 2014, 1:41 am

tarantella64 wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
OP I sympathize with you. I can not even maintain an erection in a condom to save my life. In fact the first time I had sex, the girl kept getting mad at me, because I couldn't stay hard. You CAN find a women that is willing to go on birth control, but you have to be in a serious relationship. Also you better make sure you trust that person very well. I've been in relationship where I didn't need to use condoms, but I knew they were on the pills. All of my male friends that have girlfriends don't need to use condoms. Usually when you start in a relationship, the girl expects you to use them, but once you're with them for awhile you can talk to them about birth control. So, those women ARE out there, they're just harder to find. Also honestly no woman is going to want you to use a condom to prevent her from getting an STD, if you're in a serious relationship and she trusts you, she'll know you don't have any diseases. The main concern at that point would be getting her pregnant. Maybe a vasectomy might be worth investing into, if you don't want kids.


Keep in mind that many women just won't use hormonal birth control because it's...well, it has systemic effects. Hormones are pretty potent things. Pregnancy's not something I need to worry about anymore, but pills aren't an experiment I'd try again. All the other birth-control methods beyond condoms carry real physical risks, too. An IUD means a doctor visit to have an object put into your uterus...and yeah, things do go wrong. Tube-tying's a surgery and often irreversible. So if a woman's not inclined to do these things, it's for pretty good reasons. Not saying it's a problem all the time, but yeah, there are condom lifers out there. If you're quite serious about the girl and you dislike condoms enough to have surgery to avoid them, then I agree, looking into having a vasectomy may be a good idea.


yeah i would get my tubes tied before i would go back on the pill; and if i ever find myself in a serious LTR again, i will definitely talk to my doctor about tubal ligation (there's just no way i'm dosing myself with hormones like that ever again.)

also, if in a LTR, until i saw actual test results showing a guy is clean, i would never have sex without a condom. i've known someone who had HPV and didn't tell the guy she was dating until after they were already sexually active--and this was a friend who, until i found out about that, i would have called a trustworthy person. i'm just not willing to take those kinds of risks with my health.



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20 Jul 2014, 1:47 am

tarantella64 wrote:
StrangeG wrote:
I did read your whole message. Treating me like the spokesperson for behavior I find abhorrent isn't technically an accusation, but it's a pretty strong implication.

I also understand that you think you aren't prejudiced because you think your assessment of men is correct. Plenty of racists think they aren't racist because they truly believe people of one ethnic origin are somehow better than another.

One specific manifestation of bad behavior that seems to follow gender lines does not mean there aren't an equal number of people of the other gender behaving just as badly.


No, I did not treat you like the spokesperson for that bad behavior, nor did I ever say you were.

In fact there are not so many women behaving badly in that fashion, which is why the guys who try wandering onto those sites pretending to be women are so deeply shocked and unnerved by what happens to them, how much hostility and harassment they field. They haven't experienced it to anything like that degree as men, because a lot less of that behavior comes from women. Sorry. You should try it, actually, see how you like it.


is it that not so many women do it or is it that when they do most men don't mind getting nude pictures of women?

as I said I've gotten some from women. I know guys though who would be find getting them. I don't.

tarantella64 wrote:
AspergianMutantt wrote:
Actually, I have a TOM (theory of mind) question about this.

Am I right in assuming that many people assume everyone else is like them in perspective? so where a male is more visual and so assumes women should be too, and so when a male enjoys the visuals of the female genitals, he tries to turn the female on with his..? Otherwise I see no logic in flashing women when its a major turn off for the most of them, its counter productive.

Is this what seems to be going on?


A lot of men have this notion that what women really want is a big dick, because that's what they're preoccupied with amongst themselves, who's got the biggest dick. They're pretty sure theirs is killer. Hence shot. Sometimes it's done aggressively to intimidate or be rude to women, too.


a lot of women say they want big dick. I've had a few ask for pictures of mine. you can also google it and read tons of responses saying they want big dicks. 8" i preferred by lots of them.

how is you saying that ok but me saying a lot of women only want a guy who has a job, place, car etc... is bad.