Guys how important are are these qualities to you in a girl?

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I don't have a list of "traits"

Well maybe but I don´t want to be seen as a ´low value´ woman. Otherwise they might want to mess around with me but not actually be in a commited relationship with me (= boyfriend, to me)

Caring: I like a person who cares, but is not overbearing with it.

Analytical: Somewhat

Calm: Definitely

Flexible: At least somewhat

Looks taken care of: I like a clean, feminine-looking person; beyond that, I'm not really choosy in this area

Patient: Definitely

Inspirational: I inspire myself; I hope we mesh with our respective inspirations, though

Respectful: Basic human respect is essential.

Creative: Yep

Independent: Somewhat. I don't like dependent people.

Lol. The same guy approached me again at the gym and I he was like: you seemed a bit shook when I tapped you on the arm. I am starting to think more and more that it is about my non verbal behaviour.

You can improve with study and practice. Unfortunately, these things don't come naturally to us.

Caring...... Yes, otherwise, why would I care?
Analytical.. Yes, especially if you like to go off on analytic tangents, most fun.
Calm.............Yes.
Flexible........Mentally, yes, physically definitely yes, I like to do yoga.
Looks taken care of....Yes, but not too concerned, just keep the 'jammies in the bedroom and don't wear sweatpants.
Patient.....Yes.
Inspirational.....Be yourself, don't try to inspire. Be encouraging instead.
Respectful.....Essential
Creative....There is no other way to be.
Independent....Yes.

Caring: Important
Analytical: Important
Calm: Important
Flexible: Some what important
Looks taken care of: As long as she takes care of the basics (showers and such) I'm good
Patient: Important
Inspirational: I prefer encouraging
Respectful: Important
Creative: Important
Independent: Some what important

I absolutely abhor seeing myself on video, same goes for hearing my voice recorded. Freaks me out. I don't mind seeing photos of myself, though a good 50% I think of as bad pictures.

Calm
Respectful
Caring
Flexible
Patient
Creative
Analytical
Independent
Looks taken care of
Inspirational

I re-ordered them from most important to least.

Have you seen this video?

http://www.marsvenus.com/blog/lauren-gray/how-to-make-yourself-irresistible-to-men-in-3-simple-steps

The video is a bit annoying to watch. She's a bit over-acting her rehersed script in a faux-bubbly and saccharine way, but I think she highlights an important point:

"Most men won?t even begin to show interest until they?re sure their efforts are welcome... So, the first step to getting a man to want you is to invite him to be interested in you... This invitation?s easy. No calligraphy or custom stamps required. Just make eye contact, smile, and hold yourself shoulders back so that your posture is open and friendly."

Aye, easy for her. I'm shy and awkward, but the main point is you can be the nicest person on the planet, but without inviting someone else into your space, no one will ever know what they are missing.

Thanks hurtloam. She is definitely on point with the 'sending an invitation' part. I have noticed about myself that I find that scary to do out of fear that the invitation won't be reciprocated (rejection) or that I will come off as 'too easy'/sexual. I guess I should just get over that.

True, but there are variations on this. Many shy and neurodiverse people use a different kind of eye-contact with quick glances that signals the same thing. It also signals that you are not neurotypical, which means other neurodiverse people know that you are compatible.

More Aspies should use this to their advantage.

Be more natural, and you get fewer responses, but those you get are of much higher quality. And it is quality that matters, not quantity. I mean, I could potentially live with most females, so I don't need to get to know 100s and evalulate them against each others to see if I can live with them. It's much better to narrow down the potential pool to those that are more compatible (and neurodiverse).

What if this causes that there are no potential mates left? It also seems so simple: find someone that you like, feel attracted to and that you can live with and hope that it is mutual. But even though I am not hideous nor mean, that has never been the case.

It doesn't. That would only mean you are not seeing enough people, or that you are not in neurodiverse-friendly environments. There are always other people that share even the most eccentric traits. You just need to find them.



That's the thing. If you are compatible, chances that it is (or will become) mutual increase.

You are 22. You say you are physically attractive. I have no reason to doubt that. I can guarantee that everyday at least a dozen guys are checking you out and thinking that they would like to get to know you. There are 365 days in a year (366 on leap years). You will probably have 60 more years of life. So 12 x 365.25 x 60 = 262,980 chances for a guy to approach you or signal to you that he wants you to approach him. It seems very unlikely to me that someone with your level of intelligence won't learn how to take advantage of these opportunities in time. Because you have not had much experience, it is natural to fear that things will always remain the same. It is all that you know. However, the numbers are against the possibility of you never finding a compatible mate.

It is great to look at videos and study body language. It is also great to emulate what you see others doing. My dad taught me when I was a boy how to carry myself so that I look manly and confident. I have had years of practice. However, I have noticed that once I get relaxed (not caring if I get rejected or not, not caring too much about my body language and how I present myself to others), I can easily pick up on social cues and interact correctly (even just being my clumsy, shy self). If someone is really attracted to you, it is hard to completely turn them off. You don't have to be perfect.

The trick is being relaxed and not caring. I wish I could teach you that, but I don't understand it myself. It just seems that I get a lot more looks from women when I am not thinking about trying to find a mate. When I am actively looking for a mate, I get too nervous and probably come off as weird and push people away.

I have confidence in you. You will have many relationships. Keep doing what you are doing (living life to the fullest and asking questions to figure this stuff out). I know you will be successful.

Caring: Important

Analytical: Depends

Calm: Depends

Flexible: Important
{Clarification: Has to understand that not only am I an Aspie, I also have epilepsy.}

Looks Taken Care Of: Don't Care
{Clarification: I don't care about someone's looks.}

Patient: Important
{Clarification: Has to be show more patience than my family because my family are very impatient people who want me to be the same way.}

Inspirational: Don't Care

Respectful: Important

Creative: Important

Independent: Important