Online dating I only attract low value women.

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...so the word manipulate is actually a neutral word, and I use it as such.
If you want evidence of this go and look up a discussion I've had about said word in this forum a few weeks ago where I actually very passionately discuss that the word "manipulate" is not really a negative word.

I have plenty of posts where I am jovial and all smiles, but I'm not sure why I have to be overly cheery when offering a response and if I offer anything less than cotton candy and sunshine it is seen as mean.
It's not mean or accusatory. i didn't indicate i thought you were a horrible person- this is you choosing to interpret what i wrote as such and i'm not sure why.

Just reading things you might not expect or might not want to doesn't make me mean, doesn't make me a jerk, doesn't mean i am saying you are horrible. I have pretty much made zero judgement on you as a person and merely suggested you might be coming off as a jerk.

Apologies for not writing things precisely as you would be able to interpret them so as not to be offended, I guess? I've had a bit of a rough day. You speak of people jumping down your throat, and yet leave zero room for possible communication issues or misinterpretation, yes?

Communication issues abound, such is life.

I love how if I don't put effort into my profile, then I'm lazy and shouldn't be surprised if I get ignored, and if I do put effort in, then I come across as fake and shouldn't be surprised if I get ignored. Can't we just admit that women love ignoring guys either way? I'm pretty sure if they met me in real life they would not ignore me (actually they probably would, sorry for being optimistic there, it won't happen again I promise)

I don't think there's anything I could write that women would not find a way to criticize in some fashion. They just love taking the angle of men are bad and do things wrong, whatever they actually did, it was the wrong thing.

No wonder dating is such a shitstorm of disappointment. Women set out to not be pleased by anything then complain that nothing pleases them. Yawn.

Last edited by jerry00 on 28 Oct 2014, 2:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

...ok but, this is a genuine question...
Where you hoping for some insight into the situation by posting about this or did you really just need to vent? If it was the latter that was really not obvious but you might possibly have gotten some different responses, and it would make sense that your level of frustration with the responses you got was at the level it was.

but... if no one knew that you really just need to vent and get a "yeah, dating sites are super frustrating", then you are going to get a lot of responses that you probably couldn't do much with and be really frustrated with them.

If you start out with just needing to vent, it can be hard to know that about yourself too, though.

Taboo: That's because women tend to date-up, meaning, the equally-or-more-smart (any anything else, like looks and job) would ignore you because they prefer guys better than themselves (and you), and the dumbs-unemployed-poorlyeducated would see you better than themseves hence why they approach you.

I guess I'm just venting, and yes I'm fully aware of how angry and frustrated I sound, I don't care. I am angry and frustrated. I have done everything with the best of intentions, followed all the rules, all the advice I've seen over the years, and still, get told, I did it wrong again. I conclude that there is no way to do it right, but I know that won't stop people saying I did it wrong.

Maybe.

I'd like to see a show of hands of how many guys here on this go into genitalia discussion after two minutes. Looks like you're easily manipulated and drawn in by overconfident NT "players" who know how to make themselves seem really interesting even though they're shallow jerks.


That doesn't ever happen. Extremely awkward.


Some people might take more than fifteen minutes to answer all the questions on the profile regardless. I don't always know what to write immediately off the top of my head. I'm just not a spontaneous writer. What to write doesn't come to me all at once. I might think of something funny to add hours later. Faster doesn't necessarily mean more authentic.



I don't think people "set themselves up for disappointment". I mean, it's pretty hard to motivate yourself to message anyone if in your mind you expect nobody to reply. You have to hope for the best or you wind up giving up. Hope leads to frustration, but just giving up is no better. You expect someone to endlessly pursue some endeavor and then not expect anything to ever come of it? That's just not how human psychology works.


I don't know what you think I'm assuming. I can see that your critiques come off as insensitive to the posters frustration. His negative response to you was highly predictable.

Ok, well that's good to know. Not that you are angry and frustrated, but it explains a bit more about how this thread has gone. Angry and frustrated sucks.



No. I mean there isn't anyway to do it right, is the thing. Dating sites can be kind of a big hot mess. So when, for example, I say whatever I think might be a reason people are or are not responding to your profile- it's just a guess. I know what made people respond to mine but I'm also female and clearly have a different way of interacting.

Dating is one of those things that everyone will have advice on and be REALLY insistent that they know what works and that they know why what you are doing is not working. What always pissed me off about this, I figured out, is that it hit right where I was vulnerable because i really felt they were saying *I* wasn't working and there was something wrong with *me*.

Uh. Anyway.
Frustrated is normal. Maybe take a break from it for a short time or something?

Jerry, this isn't uncommon:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt251436.html

Yes that may have something to do with it. I'm autistic and there have been many dating and social situations where my naivety has been taken advantage of. the fact that I am aware of it doesn't change it. The fact that you don't do that or experience it doesn't change the reality of the situation. I'm not sure that any of that should be surprising.

Also, this is a site full of autistics. You are asking with a biased sample when you clearly state it's likely a behavior mostly engaged in by NTs. Pick one.

Feel free to argue with me about my intention, my responses, my imperfect communication, and even my lived experience all you want.
However, that isn't the point of the thread and I'm just not sure what you get out of it.

You have irritated yourself.

Well, that's sort of the problem with online dating, isn't it? Most people who use it have trouble finding romance within their existing social circles. For some, they wanna try something new as perhaps their social circles don't interest them. For others, they have serious issues with relationships (though I could be wrong).

I think the problem is that no matter how well you advertise yourself, convincing somebody to invest that kind of interest in you is always going to be a challenge. I know you are looking for a girlfriend, but have you considered that you might need to be friends first? It's hard to form bonds without that.

I think what most people are looking for when they pursue a relationship is someone who is a good companion. They could be the dumbest, least attractive person on the planet but they could still be companion material. Just listing your accomplishments and what you think others think of you isn't enough. People like personality and if you come across as somewhat narcissistic (which you kind of do) then nobody wants to invest in that.

Just keep fishing and maybe you'll fine the right one.

Yup.

haha this is getting so fun


You have some good points Marshall

jErry it seems your thread meant for venting off anger got a different turn

and MIndBlind you are right!
I actually got interested in someone who wasn't deep , yet a good companion...but on a long run that's not fulfilling

That's it. It's very complicated, and there is no one formula you can follow that will make you a dating success. It's different for each person. People can advise you on how not to come off as a total idiot/jerk, but beyond that, most advice isn't much use.

Funny how someone who has had no success with online dating claims to be an expert on how online dating works. Just because a person doesn't treat it the same way as you do, doesn't make them stupid or "lower value." Also, FYI, women tend not to respond well to pretentiousness or self-pity.

I met my fiance on OKCupid. She didn't answer any match questions and only had one picture up. Imagine if I had your attitude. I probably would have dismissed her as "low quality" and never have met her. Even if by some miracle I wound up on a first date with her, my simultaneously negative and superior attitude would have ensured no second date. She had a few crappy dates before meeting me and the overarching theme of those failures seemed to be "socially awkward geek (her type obviously ) has negative and/or backwards views on women." This is consistant with the experiences of all of my female friends (most of them socially awkward themselves) who also use online dating.

It's also consistant with the attitudes of my male friends who have trouble finding relationships (as they tend to be very bitter about women.) You might think your attitudes are well hidden but just look how easily the women on this board (who are similarly awkward) sussed you out and revealed this to be a "rant against women" thread rather than a genuine plee for advice. I have a hard time believing that your negative views of women aren't reflected in the way you interact with them one-on-one, at least subconciously.

You might think I'm being harsh but I'm genuinly trying to help you understand why you might be struggling. Maybe if you were a superficially charming knockout your could get away with your attitudes about women. But Socially awkward people don't have the luxery of being jerks as they lack the social aptitude to overcome this negative quality. It's a toxic combo.

Last edited by Geekonychus on 29 Oct 2014, 9:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

This^^^