My lack of success isn't anyone else's fault.

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*Whack*

Last edited by smudge on 10 Nov 2014, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People with overconfidence are usually very insecure, but over time they learn to mask this deficiency... women like genuine confidence, but the sort of trick here is that there is no real such thing as genuine confidence; the thing the drives an athlete or a beautiful women to continue to become better is a deep-rooted sense of insecurity or fear... She thinks she's perpetually ugly, so she puts make up on and keeps up with the latest fashion. He thinks his athleticism is inferior and that he is too weak or too slow, so he trains hard, never losing a step that might cause him to stumble and yield to the competition... what drives both of these to strive hard is that sense that they are crap.

This world is built on a lot of illusions like that...This is why evil is very cunning here, evil in this world, knows that at the very foremost, the strongest ability to have in this world is deception, this is what makes politicians so beguiling and inclined towards evil, they learn to master the seductive qualities of language and appearance in order to present a false front.

The first step building to on your confidence, is to first realize that you are s**t, and from there, you learn to mask that fact, and over time appear genuinely confident.

It all has its root in fear, but it's all an illusion. Placing blame on yourself, is the first step needed in order the master the illusion. I mean even if the athlete masters his craft, that doesn't mean that he ever thought he did so, or the the women who is beautiful ever thought that she was.

Sorry Klowglass but I'm completely different to that, I accept that I'm not great at some things and will happily tell people that I lack confidence etc, I don't believe in lying and I'm not good at it anyway, so why bother.

I'll never trust a politician, I don't believe them and will never vote for any of them, none of them have my interest at heart, it's all a stupid game.

I strive to be better because I want to be and to help others, not because I think of myself as s**t but just because I've realised that we need to keep striving to be better, that's all really.

I also learn things to help others.

Actually some people find submission attractive, so you just have to find those people ^^.

*Whack*

Last edited by smudge on 10 Nov 2014, 4:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

^ What happened to that girl wanting a rich guy?

This is a lot of human nature.

Admit and own your mistakes. Apologize when you are wrong and don't be afraid to lean on others for help. It's amazing how many friends you can get that way.

The problem with "always wrong" is, #1, it's illogical. I mean, it IS logically possible to be wrong all the time. But you can test for that. So if someone accuses you of being wrong about EVERYTHING despite you yourself knowing you're right, then something has to give.

There's actually a technical term for what happens when someone accuses you of ALWAYS being wrong, even when you're not. It's called "nagging." The thing about nagging is nobody wants to live with that. Early in his career, Abraham Lincoln would work weekends to avoid coming home to his wife. Napoleon III's wife was often an embarrassment to him. Leo Tolstoy's wife felt responsible for her husband's death. You want a happy relationship? Don't freakin' NAG!! !

That was probably a good thing you copied and pasted my message. I know people I know read this, and it makes me paranoid. I am currently in a situation (or it's ended, I don't know) with this guy and...I'm confused, and still trying to figure it all out. He gets annoyed at me for not wanting to go at his pace, on his terms.

I do admit my mistakes, but it gives other people more "power" when I do and they increase the blame on me. I don't think I am always wrong.

I don't nag. At least I don't think I do.

This guy wants to keep his distance from me, but keep me as a friend, I think. I want a close friendship/almost relationship, and just wanting that is making me panic.

AngelRho, I remember you responded to a post of mine a while back and...things were going on for me at the time. I like reading your posts.

^ Whack.

*Whacks Faceofboo*

Aw! You are very kind!

I only copy/paste so it's clear what I'm responding to and avoid confusion.

About giving other people power: My general theory (if you want to call it that) is that people crave power or some sense of importance. If you're trying to get some kind of influence over people and it's the power they want, go ahead and give them power. They'll give it right back. When you apologize for something, you're showing that you're not the kind of person who insists on having her own way or that you're arrogant. That's all it is. Don't worry about "power." Those are childish manipulation games. Real power lies in staying above that sort of influence. Admitting that you're wrong and apologizing doesn't really give anyone power over you. It gives them the illusion of power. After all, YOU are the one who admitted to being wrong and apologized. They didn't make you do it. You did it on your own terms. So whatever power you give someone, you're actually only LENDING it because you have to agree to what they want. Nobody has any real, lasting power over you. They will always be subject to the power of the choices YOU make, not what they impose upon you.

Now, if being a doormat isn't helping anyone, there's no point. Part of the problem is that by being a doormat, you're wasting other people's time because all you're doing is just entertaining them. You're also not really helping them because all you're doing is encouraging their bad behavior. Always apologize when you've made a mistake. Just don't repeat your mistakes. And if you're "always wrong," then you're doing someone a favor by making an exit.

I don't worry much about "giving people power." I look at it this way: If it really means that much to you, here, have the power. What am I going to do with it? You can nag me all you want. But if you communicate to me intentionally or not that I'm not appreciated or wanted, I'll do us all a favor and go somewhere else. I've been in those "always wrong" situations. It's not a happy place. I can be your doormat if that's what you need, but I'm not going to hang around if being a doormat isn't really helping. I'm going to go where I feel wanted and where I can do the most good.

Neediness, melodrama, volatility, attention seeking, manipulative these are unattractive traits.

The first one, well that is something that some people may tolerate, it is my observation that some people share the same level of neediness, in that case all power to them.

Some people even enjoy volatility and drama, but I can't understand that. It is contrived to say the least.

Not for me.

Well, at the end of the day, everyone's different, different people can put up with, enjoy and help with different things. just have to find those people.

I think one should still work on themselves but if they need someone else to help with that and are able to have a good relationship in spite of that, then more power to them ^^.

AngelRho, I still don't really get that about power. I can't think straight enough to answer, really. I wish inconsiderate neighbours didn't exist. I just don't want to face *anyone*. She's being loud again. I really can't bear it. How do you gain power over a woman like this? I can't bear it when people shout at me. When she shouted at me I tried to reason with her then I ran away.

Ahhhh?ok?I didn't know where you were coming from there.

There are legal issues going on here, and I think you know you need to investigate either what you can do through the system to make things happen.

As to power, no, you can't get power over this person?not REAL power, because there's really no such thing. Power has to be GIVEN. IOW, she has to GIVE you power over her if you're to have any. As it is, you are showing that you're more willing to give her power over you than the other way around. And as I think you're seeing here, it's not working.

So forget the whole "power" thing. It's not going to help either of you. So let's talk about what WILL help you. For the sake of this discussion, I'm assuming that going to police etc. is out of the question.

OK?you need help in giving someone criticism. But let's not go there quite yet.

First of all?what you DON'T do is try to reason with someone. When you're "reasoning," that's just a euphemism for "arguing." You're trying to prove that you're right and she's wrong. Maybe you ARE right, maybe she IS wrong. The problem is NOBODY likes admitting mistakes or admitting they're wrong about something. You can't tell her she's wrong and you can't argue with her.

So before you do anything else, abandon that approach. You can't win this fight.

The only thing you can do is make friends with her. If there's lots of slamming doors going on, go up and ask if everything is ok, that when you hear slamming doors it worries you and you just want to make sure she's ok or if you need to call the police.

This does two things: First, it shows her you care. Second, it makes you an imposing presence and she's going to do everything she can to keep you away. So if you consistently walk up "just to check on her," she's likely to think twice about slamming doors in order to avoid having you coming up.

From time to time, bake some cookies. Or brownies. Whatever?just something with chocolate in it. Knock on her door, say you were baking, you made too much, and you need to do something with them or you're just going to throw them out. Say you'd rather she have them than see them wasted. Everyone loves chocolate. When she opens the door, make mental notes of what you see inside her place. Ask about a particular picture, decoration, lamp, tapestry, rug, table, whatever. See if there are any collectibles she like to display and make a (nice) comment about them and ask her to tell you about it. Go from there to asking where she comes from, what she does for a living, and just try to find out as much about her as you can. Main point is get over to her place as much as you can and talk to her without her yelling at you.

That way, you're not "just the chick from downstairs." You're a friend. And if she knows that being loud is disturbing you, she'll put a little bit more thought into how she behaves in her own place.

From the 48 Laws of Power: Beware the free lunch. MOST people feel indebted to those who do them favors and will do whatever they can to quickly repay that debt. According to the Bible, the debtor is slave to the lender. Do something nice for your neighbor without asking for anything in return and if your neighbor really despises you, she's going to look forward to your appearance with a sense of dread. This trick ONLY WORKS if you aren't imposing any immediate expectations on the free lunch. From "The Godfather": "Someday--and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, please accept this justice as a gift." If you don't have the leverage of a crime-family boss, then all you're going to get is "I don't owe you a gosh-darned thing." But one way or another, people get really uneasy having to accept free stuff. You can make that work to your advantage, and you often will. You just have to be really careful, and making friends of enemies is always a good start.

Any state with a welfare system is a good example of what happens when you accept the free lunch: You are now dependent on the state and you MUST work within state policy. You are a slave. In the USA, automakers found out the hard way that being "too big to fail" carried a cost. General Motors became Government Motors, and the effects were felt deep within the Big Three. I believe they worked hard to pay back the government bailout way ahead of schedule because in order to get the government out of their operations. Beware the free lunch!! !

Maybe this will work for you in getting along with your neighbor. Maybe it won't. You lose nothing by trying.

Above all else, make sure making friends and "free lunches" are guided by the golden rule. Failure is impossible if you remember that.

My lack of success is just God's way of punishing me for something I did in another life. I must have driven a bus full of puppies into an orphanage at some point.