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Autistic men and dating websites

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AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 11:02 am

CynicalWaffle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
I have to disagree. A chief complaint I see around here a lot is a catch-22?girls don't seem to be quite so comfortable around awkward guys with little or no experience. So how do you get experience without practice?

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.


Whhhhhoooooaaaaaa......horrible advice.

Guys, don't do what I quoted. This will land you in Creepsville, population: you.


Seems like making conversation to me.



AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 11:05 am

rdos wrote:
AlexanderDantes wrote:
rdos wrote:
AlexanderDantes wrote:
When you solve a sum, you have to start at the beginning of the process before you have a good idea of where you are and what steps to take next.


Relationships are not like math and it is not about science. :roll:


http://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/all/

http://www.metro.us/lifestyle/okcupid-h ... dSGFATDJE/


He needed 88 dates before finding somebody compatible. Even if he succeeded in getting attention on OkCupid, that still didn't result in a better sample of women than if he had asked random women at the university for a date.

And I had a crush on fewer than 5 females before ending up in a marriage, which is much better than OkCupid with this kind of manipulation.

It just shows that online dating is a huge failure.


Not everyone that is Autistic can approach others or articulate themselves as well in real life, some people are more expressive with their words online and that's why internet dating works for some. You can build a certain level of comfort with a person, you can't build chemistry but you can build a certain level of comfort before dating.



Janissy
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16 Nov 2014, 11:35 am

CynicalWaffle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
I have to disagree. A chief complaint I see around here a lot is a catch-22?girls don't seem to be quite so comfortable around awkward guys with little or no experience. So how do you get experience without practice?

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.


Whhhhhoooooaaaaaa......horrible advice.

Guys, don't do what I quoted. This will land you in Creepsville, population: you.


But it isn't creepy in the context of his entire post. AngelRho wasn't talking about doing this as a way to date any one specific woman. In the context of the entire post it was just about getting comfortable with talking to women in general. If you don't try to make every conversation with a woman lead ultimately to a date and count it as a failure if it doesn't, then you learn to be less awkward.

Women will get a "creep" vibe if the man they aren't attracted to is seemingly trying to get with them via asking if they know the bus schedule (or whatever). If they get the sense that the man they aren't attracted to merely wants to know the bus schedule, the "creep" vibe goes away. The ticket to Creepsville is giving the impression that the only reason you are talking to a particular woman is because you want something relational from her (sex or a relationship or for her to be attracted to you). If you abandon this intention, the creepiness and awkwardness goes away. AngelRho is showing a way to do that.

If every "hi" isn't meant to lead to love (or else it gets counted as "fail") then it all gets a lot easier. And then you find yourself sharing conversation with somebody where there is a mutual attraction and you can proceed without being fatally awkward.



AlexanderDantes
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16 Nov 2014, 1:27 pm

Janissy wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
I have to disagree. A chief complaint I see around here a lot is a catch-22?girls don't seem to be quite so comfortable around awkward guys with little or no experience. So how do you get experience without practice?

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.


Whhhhhoooooaaaaaa......horrible advice.

Guys, don't do what I quoted. This will land you in Creepsville, population: you.


But it isn't creepy in the context of his entire post. AngelRho wasn't talking about doing this as a way to date any one specific woman. In the context of the entire post it was just about getting comfortable with talking to women in general. If you don't try to make every conversation with a woman lead ultimately to a date and count it as a failure if it doesn't, then you learn to be less awkward.

Women will get a "creep" vibe if the man they aren't attracted to is seemingly trying to get with them via asking if they know the bus schedule (or whatever). If they get the sense that the man they aren't attracted to merely wants to know the bus schedule, the "creep" vibe goes away. The ticket to Creepsville is giving the impression that the only reason you are talking to a particular woman is because you want something relational from her (sex or a relationship or for her to be attracted to you). If you abandon this intention, the creepiness and awkwardness goes away. AngelRho is showing a way to do that.

If every "hi" isn't meant to lead to love (or else it gets counted as "fail") then it all gets a lot easier. And then you find yourself sharing conversation with somebody where there is a mutual attraction and you can proceed without being fatally awkward.


That is the point I was elaborating on and I think it is a good point. You have to learn to do me comfortable when it comes to socializing before you are ready to think long term, you have to do small steps before you can take big ones. If you don't do that, you can magnify your faults instead of seeing it as a learning experience and journey.



1df5e76
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16 Nov 2014, 1:39 pm

I can see that is destined to become yet another long and pointless thread. *Sigh*



rdos
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16 Nov 2014, 4:31 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:
Not everyone that is Autistic can approach others or articulate themselves as well in real life


Right. I can't, but by selecting the right women in real life I didn't need to "date" 88 women before I found somebody compatible. In fact, basically everybody I had a crush on were compatible.

AlexanderDantes wrote:
some people are more expressive with their words online and that's why internet dating works for some. You can build a certain level of comfort with a person, you can't build chemistry but you can build a certain level of comfort before dating.


The problem with online dating is that it cannot predict chemistry, which makes it no better than asking random woman at some activity you enjoy for a date.



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16 Nov 2014, 5:12 pm

Janissy wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
I have to disagree. A chief complaint I see around here a lot is a catch-22?girls don't seem to be quite so comfortable around awkward guys with little or no experience. So how do you get experience without practice?

It's not too terribly complicated: Go where people are, get accustomed to seeing women and being seen by women. Doesn't require conversation, approaching women, or having "game." Just be present. Once your comfortable with that, introduce yourself if nobody else approaches you first. No expectations, just "Hi! My name is? So what do you do besides hang out here? Cool! Maybe I'll see you around?" Keep that up for a while, work up to talking with women for 5 minutes at a time. Get used to that, turn 5 min. into an hour: "That's awesome. I'd like to hear more about what you do volunteering for ___ at ___. If you're not busy at __:__, would you like to get together for lunch?" So you meet up for lunch a time or two, then you ask for a dinner date?and it doesn't have to be a dinner date, but just something fun you both enjoy. How do you know she'll enjoy it? Well?you've spent a couple hours together at lunch, you should know her favorite hang out spots and leisure activities.


Whhhhhoooooaaaaaa......horrible advice.

Guys, don't do what I quoted. This will land you in Creepsville, population: you.


But it isn't creepy in the context of his entire post. AngelRho wasn't talking about doing this as a way to date any one specific woman. In the context of the entire post it was just about getting comfortable with talking to women in general. If you don't try to make every conversation with a woman lead ultimately to a date and count it as a failure if it doesn't, then you learn to be less awkward.

Women will get a "creep" vibe if the man they aren't attracted to is seemingly trying to get with them via asking if they know the bus schedule (or whatever). If they get the sense that the man they aren't attracted to merely wants to know the bus schedule, the "creep" vibe goes away. The ticket to Creepsville is giving the impression that the only reason you are talking to a particular woman is because you want something relational from her (sex or a relationship or for her to be attracted to you). If you abandon this intention, the creepiness and awkwardness goes away. AngelRho is showing a way to do that.

If every "hi" isn't meant to lead to love (or else it gets counted as "fail") then it all gets a lot easier. And then you find yourself sharing conversation with somebody where there is a mutual attraction and you can proceed without being fatally awkward.


hasn't worked for me, probably cause no women has mutual attraction to me.