Such high standards

Post Reply New Topic

All of my partners bar 1 have been low achievers in terms of money, status and power. I have actively sought those men out. They weren't down and out but they were men for whom the pursuit of most usual things was simply uninteresting. The big difference here is that they had other interests which kept them motivated and focused. That is what I looked for.

And yet even amoung these men there was a tendency for them to become lazy and expect me to pick up their bills, costs of living, drive them places etc. It just ended up very one sided where I got the impression they were in it for sex and an easy life basically. And towards the end it became apparent that they started to display a certain kind of contempt for me. That by caring about them they just despised who I was and started to actively take advantage because I appeared weak. So I kissed them goodbye and left them to their lives of artistic and hedonistic idleness.

The only one who continued to show some kind of respect of care for me was the more upwardly social driven one. Although I ended that relationship too because of personality differences. But he seemed to be the one who required the least of me and genuinely cared about my well-being.

I have no idea why this so. But it just is. I've since become asexual because I find far too many people to be predatory by nature and I'd rather not be involved in it anymore. I was once a good looking female and it just had more problems than it solved. I am so glad that those years are behind me now. No longer being lied to over and over all because I looked like a good shag. Being invisible is preferable to that.

well then they need to accep they have increased odds of ending up with a prick or a**hole. as they tend to be the kinds of people willing to do the dirty stuff to get ahead, as where good kinder guys won't. thats also the reality of the world. buda never became rich. most politicians lie, cheat and steal. same with ceos. do you think they get billions of dollars from just hard work or is it also from screwing over employees and customers whenever they can get away with it? I'll never be rich cause I can't do that.

I am open to dating anyone who I find attactive and we mesh. I find most women attractive. I don't care if they have a job or what not.

anyways you and goldfish just prove my needing to kill myself. I really see no point in living in a pointless cruel world.

There shouldn't be anything complicated about girls being picky. Everyone has the right to be picky. That doesn't mean it works out well for them. Sometimes they realize too late that they're not going to get anything better than the ones they've turned away. Dating is very much a numbers game. As a guy, you have to approach as many women as possible. As a girl, you have to attract as many guys as possible. That is your pool of opportunity. You have no chance with someone you don't meet, whether you're a girl or a guy.
It's worth keeping in mind that what girls like is very culturally driven. In American culture, most girls like relatively outgoing guys, especially if he can make her laugh. Compare this with many Asian cultures, which care much more about a guy's social standing and income. Or compare this with many European cultures, which care much more about a guy's social finesse (for example, one's accent and being well spoken is much more important in the UK than the US). These are all ways that people can be picky, but what eventually happens is that certain traits and characteristics become undervalued. When this happens, you can see it as an opportunity. If you get out of that culture bubble, that condemning trait is magically no longer a problem. Californian girls don't like your soft voice? Move to Hong Kong and never worry about your voice again. Of course, sometimes that's easier said than done--you might have to get a visa, and it's not free, but the point is the same: don't stick around in a culture that doesn't like you.

No, we don't.

That's a pretty awful thing to say to both of us. Especially since neither of us said anything even remotely related to that. Nor did either of us say anything about, or describe, a pointless cruel world.

It's abundantly clear that you're depressed and that's why you're saying these things. I understand that and am not taking your post personally - I'm not insulted/offended/mad. I am, however, concerned. I certainly don't want some offence you took to some innocent post I made to be your justification for suicide.

Anyways, I can relate to an extent. A couple of years ago I was suicidally depressed. I put myself through self administered CBT via reading "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns. I highly recommend it. You'll learn a lot. I did. It helped some.

I later came to figure out that it was a sensitivity to salicylate acids that was causing my extreme depression and passively suicidal thoughts. I stopped consuming anything with them in it and started using epsom salts on my skin every day to detox them. Within 5 days the worst depression of my life was all but completely lifted, and I continued to feel better and better afterwards.

You're more than welcome to pm me about any of this stuff if there's anything I can help you with.

Absolutely. I am Dutch and what I like most about my guy is that he is well spoken, intelligent, 'cultured' and has a good, witty, fast sense of humor.

It’s not pointless. The point of life is to fight for survival and the perpetuation of your genes; each living being has its own strategy, and humans, being so versatile, are more diverse in this regard than any other species. In fact, we undergo cultural evolution, in addition to the slower biological one. If you fight for what you want in life, you might lose; if you give up, you’ve already lost.

Like a women's beauty, all of those things are going away. If you love a man on his performance, then that's precisely like a man loving you just for your body, except your body isn't the love, and his performance isn't the love.

why are you not a mod here?

Why would that 'go away'? And what exactly are you trying to show me? What you are saying does not make sense to me at all.

Wits become dull, knowledge is forgotten, muscles erode, beauty fades away, thus those are not good qualifiers for love. You're free to love those things as much as anyone else but you're heading towards a dead end, because that kind of love will fade away. It's just a passing breeze, loving a man for his strength is just as vain as loving a women for her beauty, it makes the love meaningless and just a passing thing.

The thing is the only thing worth 'winning' in this world, is a love that's not coerced, but you can't exactly win that sort of love, that love can only give itself up freely and without bribes.

Harken back to the picture of Satan promising the world to Jesus, isn't that remarkably similar in how a male promises the world to a woman? That sort of love is wrong because it's fixated around things which are temporal, or going away.

Jesus's relationship with humanity is similar -- God is quite powerful, but he is ultimately powerless in acquiring the thing that he really wants -- your affection. This part of God is quite evident inside of a male whose unwilling to take what he wants by force, just as God knows he can't force humanity to love him, but he gives them the choice -- because that is the only thing true love can permit, the choice.

The disenfranchised male tends to see something that is quite scary and dark in this world, and that is humanity's vanity. Males are without inherent value, so they can see the truth in all its sad and depressing form, it's this side of God that is also quite powerless, which reflects in a poor man's situation. The love that we want is the love that God wants, but it's the rarest and most precious kind of love, but it's the only thing of value in this world of vanity -- the love that gives itself freely.

Sometimes love fades; sometimes, it doesn't.

In many cases, pure carnal love/lust is replaced by respect and friendship, which could lead to further lust of a more substantive type. The type that gives you deeper orgasms.

I can relate to that, in another way. After a long relationship, now it's me who stood in the way of idling,artisticly and hedonisticly, his life away. And there's still more pretendents who need someone to make dinner! (and making it even more 'tempting' by stating it must be traditional cooking)

I don't really consider myself to have "standards". I'm just hoping to run into a like minded individual. Otherwise the relationship wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to function in it. We would have to be able to be actual friends within the relationship. I'm a very monogamous individual. Which is going to make it really hard, but it's the only way forward.

















.

Alzheimers takes away the wits and knowledge. But mere age doesn't and Alzheimers is not the inevitable outcome of aging. My Grandfather kept his wits and knowledge up until a couple months before his death.

Age is cruel to us all, but with the exception of Alzheimers, brains are the very last thing to go and sometimes they don't go at all.

If Cafeaulait is attracted to a guy who is "well spoken, intelligent, cultured and has a good, witty, fast sense of humor" she's in luck. Those are very durable features- barring Alzheimers- and are found in many elderly people .

(In case anybody is misunderstanding, I am not suggesting she court elderly men, but rather that any man who has those features at 30 is just as likely to have them at 80.)

I get what the poster means about fading & that true "soul mate" sort of love doesn't rely on outward characteristics.. however, my great uncle Norman is now 90 years old and still has his wits and is still pretty damn strong - to shake his hand you'd swear he was 1/3 his age. He no longer mows the lawn all at once anymore, but still goes for walks, and just in the last year or so has stopped downhill skiing… but yeah, men can certainly keep their brawn & brains well into their golden years vs. those things fading away at 50 or 65 or whenever.

Ideally, IMO, one would be attracted to (almost) e v e r y t h i n g about their partner. Physically, mentally, spiritually, intellectually etc. Then if some things change or fade, meh, whatever they still love everything else that that person is.

Same goes for non-romantic love, too. I love nearly everything about some of my close friends and family and know that those feelings won't ever change for them, even if they change some.