Is life without love at all worth it?

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No one was even talking about celibacy at all.

The discussion has been about being in a relationship or not.

A relationship isn't required in order to have a sex life.

As for me. It never has been worth it & it never will be worth it. Unfortunately, there's nothing left to do but suffer loneliness. That is suffer until I'm lucky enough to find a functional & fully (or partially) loaded shotgun, then then suffering can stop, forever, the world will be much better off when I find that shotgun, I just hope that 1 shot is all that it will take.

no but someone who can't get a realtionship isn't going to get sex.
someone who gets sex can get a relationship.
thats the difference between choosing to not have a relationship/sex and not choosing to have those.
people who can and do have relationships/sex will never understand those who want those things but can't have them.

if you aint good enough for a relationship you won't be good enough for just sex, unless you're are super good looking but also a horrible person.

There are people who will do the "friends with benefits" thing.

But, really, that was never the question in this thread, at least now how I read it. It was about love / relationships. And I truly believe that a person can live a full and happy life without them. And without sex. At your age and at Boo's age that is exactly what I believed I was going to be doing, and I built my life accordingly. This idea that I can't relate because almost a decade later I got married is ridiculous; I can still remember the things I felt and thought. If you all want to say it is different for men than for women, fine, THAT I know I can't fully relate to, but I certainly know plenty of men who don't want to ever get married, so the idea that isn't possible for a man to be happy without love still seems unlikely to me. Tell me that with your unique personality and needs you don't think it is possible for you - well, then, that is another story. That I will, obviously, never be able to speak to. The question that started the thread, however, wasn't that limited, and I've answered the question.

Maybe for Aspies who have never been in a relationship before...maybe it feels like life isn't worth living having not experienced that amount of intimacy before? I know I felt that way for a long time until I ended up in a serious relationship. Maybe I was lucky enough for it to end so badly and leave me with deep emotional scars that will continue to plague me for the rest of my life, but for the most part I've been quite content with my life over the past 6 years since that all happened. Being single has allowed me to focus on personal endeavors I enjoy and, I think, were I to be in a relationship right now a lot of that would go away.....

Things to keep in mind about relationships: That precious solitary time you spend with your obsessions and interests? Gone. That routine of yours you stick to rigidly? Bye-bye. Don't like to be submerged in society at places like malls, family gatherings, or movies? Sorry. Not to mention the constant feeling of walking on egg shells all the time wondering if what you're saying/doing/feeling is right or wrong. (I don't mean to sound like a pessimist...which I AM....but these are just things I experienced).

Is life without love worth it? No. Not at all. But that doesn't imply love with a PERSON. Find love in art, music, writing, building, caring for those in need, etc. For me its all about loving your PASSION in life. It is only when you start to love yourself that, I believe, you will find someone who will want to love you for who you are as well.

From my own personal experiences, the more happy I was with myself and the things I was doing in life, the more it seemed women were drawn to me. Its because I was confident (I think). But when I was (and still get) depressed, people are driven further away. I don't know...*shrugs* I'm not trying to sound like some motivational speaker/pimp but still.....its just an observation. I've had many girls make themselves available to me in the past 6 years (and I've turned down all but the current one I'm interested in and she is making me give one hell of a chase) but, like I said, I've become content with who I am and don't feel I NEED that intimacy as much as I thought I did.....but everyone is different.

Sh*t, I don't know where I'm going with this......I'm probably going to be lynched, flamed, and mobbed once I hit the post button but oh well.......won't be the first time. But still...there is so much more to life then sex or sharing feelings imo. After the last several months of really digging in to astronomy and things like quantum mechanics, love almost feels insignificant in the grand scope of things......Bah I'll shut up now. Sorry

think like a lot of things its about there person.

just like you can't say all ___ people are like ____
you can't say everyone can be happy without love/relationship. everyone isn't the same. so if theres people who can be happy and contempt without then theres bound to be those on the other end who can't

it complexes me how people say don't generalize then go and generalize. I know people who are happy without it happy without ever being touched. so I'm not saying it can't and doesn't happen. I'm just not one of those people. now I've always wanted to have love/romance/relationship. since i was young. but until I was 20ish I had no desire for contact/touch. until I had gotten those things from a woman. I now know what i'd been missing and crave it.

Yes, it's different for straight men. Here I said it.

Women and gay men can have casual sex way easier than straight men.

Men, straight or gay, are less picky and more willing to accept casual sex: Fact.

Women are way pickier, the only women in real life I have ever heard of admitting of having difficulties in getting attention/sex were lesbian women.

You keep telling us "Oh you can be single but still can have casual sex" - and what you are not getting: If a man is unable to attract women then he is unable to attract women, so he won't be able to get a normal relationship nor would be easier for him to have a casual-sex relationship either. Both are based on the same ability: the ability to attract women.

And it would be even harder for casual sex, a straight man has to be exceptionally attractive to get casual sex as a option lifestyle, and lucky enough to meet women who are liberal enough and willing for that.

Young women would have a lot of options to choose for casual sex at any point.

Let's face it, if a woman desperate for sex she just has to write SEX on a dating ad or to flash her cleavage in a bar and she'll get hundred of advances, but usually she doesn't even need to go that far.

Same for a gay man who would flash....whatever he needs to flash in a gay bar.


So your advice "Don't worry, you can be single and still get sex" is a perfectly applicable advice for other straight women having difficulties in forming relationships (if they want something alternative) , but not for the equivalent straight men nor the lesbian women. The dynamics differ greatly for those latter two.


Do you get it now? I can't get it clearer than that.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 Mar 2015, 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is life without love worth it?

That depends upon your view and your needs. There's no right or wrong answer.

Personally my point in life is to learn and experience as much as I can. For some it's to fall in love and have children or something else.

I believe that love is the most important part of life. But that love doesn't have to come from a romantic relationship You can love your friends, you can love your family, you can love someone even if they don't feel the same way about you. You can love a pet or a song or a book or a movie or a hobby or an interest. I believe that everyone has love within them. So even if they don't have any close relationships, they are still living with love.

That is quite an exaggeration and misstatement of what I said. My emphasis all along has been on having a FULL and WORTHWHILE life, which, honestly, should not require sex. But, since you were focused on the sex part yes, I did suggest that A didn't require B, because technically it doesn't. That was never more than a side issue to me, although apparently it has consistently been your main focus.

So, I would suppose, the topic, in your eyes, isn't really, "is life worth living without love?" but "is life worth living with sex" (which I consider an obvious yes), or "is life worth living when you have raging, all consuming hormones, can't find someone to be with so that the obsession will clear from your head, and the unmet needs are driving you insane?" In which case, you aren't looking for love, but someone who will be "available" to you so you won't have to deal with the issue anymore, and may as well put a warning sign on your forehead because, well, women want to be loved for who they are, not what their bodies can provide.

On that, I would suggest that the hormones are likely to calm down as you age, so it may not always be as big of a problem as it is now. I would assume that most people have occasional issues with it, even those who chose celibate lives, and the best way to manage it varies quite a lot by individual, and it isn't really a topic for this thread. More important to realize that failing to manage the lust does create a turn-off, and puts you into something of a vicious cycle, because while love is likely to provide you with sex, it isn't supposed to ABOUT sex, and men who are overly focused on that aspect just don't come across as attractive; it is kind of instinct for a lot of women to turn away.*

Please understand that it isn't that I lack sympathy for those who want to be in relationships and can't find them. It is just that I know I have no solution for that, and no way to control it. The only answer I've ever found is the one I used myself: build your life without it. It can be done. Plenty of people - male and female - have done it. But if the issue really is that the hormones and urges are too consuming and not being able to clear them is driving you nuts - well, that is something else.

* Note that the successful Casanovas you are probably thinking of right now don't project that they are obsessed with sex, even if they are; they project being genuinely interested in each woman as a person, and as if she is the only one in the world that can make them feel the way they are feeling. Hard to explain, but one does eventually learn to identify and turn away from it.

I think this a great point. Finding and living one's passions can definitely put the hormones back to a more manageable space, too.

DW mom, what the fcuk is wrong with you?

You were the one who suggested and hinted at the "friends with benefits" (or any casual thing) as alternative and I've just explained to you why it's not generally that easy.

I never said what I want.

You are putting words in my mouth, nowhere in my posts I ever said that I just want sex or that I just want women for sex.

So...hmm....bug off! stop addressing me.

Save the keystrokes, I won't read your stupid insulting psychoanalysis and assumptions again. Go play the armchair shrink with someone else.

I'm 20 years old and I just got rejected. I have come to the conclusion I am going to be forever alone and I should just completely give up on life all because I got rejected by the woman of my dreams. Im not going to even try anymore. good day.

This had better be sarcasm.. especially given one of your much more realistic threads posted in this forum recently.

^He's just in sadness phase, he'll survive.

Fair enough and I apologize for being so punchy, but then why keep challenging my posts based on not adequately accounting for how hard it can be for guys to handle that side of being single? It is somewhat irrelevant to my original point.

Sorry, it's that time of year when I write to reduce stress, but the stress messes up my ability to respond appropriately. I don't think what I wrote there represents your thinking; I was just frustrated with you missing the meat of my posts in favor of the "worst" sentences I'd written. I do hope you find what you are looking for.