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How does one behave on a 'second date'?

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Jono
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22 Mar 2015, 9:03 am

Outrider wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
It's brilliant! You should do that.


Women like surprise and creativity right? It's so brilliant, that it might actually work.


You really think so? Hm.

Many of these ideas are also things I think would work better on our third meetup not the second. So thank you all in advance as well for giving me so many things to think about the third time I see her if things go well the second time.

The question is right now how to organize all these ideas, figure out what i will do the second time i see her, and then reserve what belongs in the third time i see her..

This romantic story idea will definitely work better for the third time i see her, especially since then is when i want to ask her to be my girlfriend.

She always loves to carry her laptop around.

Perhaps by thursday or friday i will have the story finished and on a usb.

We will go for a nice walk under the stars at night or something similarly romantic, gentle and peaceful.

Maybe under the stars, in the fall moonlight we can sit down somewhere together and she can get her laptop out and i can show her the story. Instead of just letting her read it silently, I will read it myself to her loudly and clearly.

I WILL not reveal that she is the female and will pretend the female is someone else.

Maybe ask her for her thoughts on the story. If she thinks it is a sweet, romantic, touching story, etc.

Then here comes the surprise - do you want to know who that girl was? And, do you want to know who the male in the story was?

I will make the boy is the one who wrote the story about the girl and how he would treat her and what they would do together once they are in a relationship, etc.

I will reveal the male is...myself,, and that SHE is the female. I will reveal that, yes, it was me describing my feelings of her and what I would do for her and how i would treat her etc. once we are in a relationship.

I will then ask her if she would like to have a relationship with me, and experience this story TOGETHER, MAKING IT A REALITY...

But overall I am just so confused on what to do.

I do want the second time to still be about just talking and getting to know each other but like ive always said i have alwas been 75% natural, 25% planning.

Even if i only do small and subtle things the second time i see her i still dont want to end the meetup knowing i did nothing at all that would help me progress.

I am going to compliment her on her looks when i see her, that is for sure.

I will still touch her shoulder etc. like i normally have and she doesn't seem to mind.

We will talk about mutual interests and anything else together.

Maybe talk about each others stories as well.

But beyond that what else?

The hug is a possibility so long as I am at least 75% sure of what her reaction would be...

Is this it?


No, listen to me. Don't try writing "romantic stories" when you're not really interested in doing it and are only doing to communicate with your date. If you want to talk about feelings, then talk about feelings, don't do something that's going to look fake. Also, it's going to look like you've watched too many romantic comedies.



Outrider
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22 Mar 2015, 9:09 am

Jono wrote:
Outrider wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
It's brilliant! You should do that.


Women like surprise and creativity right? It's so brilliant, that it might actually work.


You really think so? Hm.

Many of these ideas are also things I think would work better on our third meetup not the second. So thank you all in advance as well for giving me so many things to think about the third time I see her if things go well the second time.

The question is right now how to organize all these ideas, figure out what i will do the second time i see her, and then reserve what belongs in the third time i see her..

This romantic story idea will definitely work better for the third time i see her, especially since then is when i want to ask her to be my girlfriend.

She always loves to carry her laptop around.

Perhaps by thursday or friday i will have the story finished and on a usb.

We will go for a nice walk under the stars at night or something similarly romantic, gentle and peaceful.

Maybe under the stars, in the fall moonlight we can sit down somewhere together and she can get her laptop out and i can show her the story. Instead of just letting her read it silently, I will read it myself to her loudly and clearly.

I WILL not reveal that she is the female and will pretend the female is someone else.

Maybe ask her for her thoughts on the story. If she thinks it is a sweet, romantic, touching story, etc.

Then here comes the surprise - do you want to know who that girl was? And, do you want to know who the male in the story was?

I will make the boy is the one who wrote the story about the girl and how he would treat her and what they would do together once they are in a relationship, etc.

I will reveal the male is...myself,, and that SHE is the female. I will reveal that, yes, it was me describing my feelings of her and what I would do for her and how i would treat her etc. once we are in a relationship.

I will then ask her if she would like to have a relationship with me, and experience this story TOGETHER, MAKING IT A REALITY...

But overall I am just so confused on what to do.

I do want the second time to still be about just talking and getting to know each other but like ive always said i have alwas been 75% natural, 25% planning.

Even if i only do small and subtle things the second time i see her i still dont want to end the meetup knowing i did nothing at all that would help me progress.

I am going to compliment her on her looks when i see her, that is for sure.

I will still touch her shoulder etc. like i normally have and she doesn't seem to mind.

We will talk about mutual interests and anything else together.

Maybe talk about each others stories as well.

But beyond that what else?

The hug is a possibility so long as I am at least 75% sure of what her reaction would be...

Is this it?


No, listen to me. Don't try writing "romantic stories" when you're not really interested in doing it and are only doing to communicate with your date. If you want to talk about feelings, then talk about feelings, don't do something that's going to look fake. Also, it's going to look like you've watched too many romantic comedies.


Fine. I will admit it and say it as it is. We'll do the whole walk thing then just sit down together. I will say this is what I think of her in all true 100% honesty, and that I would do all these things once we are in a relationship, and ask her if she would like to be in a relationship with me...



kraftiekortie
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22 Mar 2015, 9:14 am

The reason why I made that suggestion is because she likes writing--and you might like it as well.

Writing provides people with a way to express feelings without it being direct and personal.

Establish the fact that you are a person of at least some substance, which seems to be true in your case.

As far as the direct "relationship" question: I find that it is too early for that--and that it might seem like an ultimatum.



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22 Mar 2015, 9:16 am

I just don't think I could live with myself knowing I've made no progress beyond how things are right now with her after the second time I see her.

I thank you all and hope we can reach a conclusion.

On how to reach a balance in the second get together.

The halfway point and how to achieve this halfway point...

Right now I have there confirmed:

Compliment her when I see her.

Treat her exactly the same as every other time.

The hug if I believe she will not react negatively.



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22 Mar 2015, 9:23 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The reason why I made that suggestion is because she likes writing--and you might like it as well.

Writing provides people with a way to express feelings without it being direct and personal.

Establish the fact that you are a person of at least some substance, which seems to be true in your case.

As far as the direct "relationship" question: I find that it is too early for that--and that it might seem like an ultimatum.


Yes I do I write my own stories and this is how we first started communicating in the first place.

My feelings were only just starting to develop. She was instantly excited by the fact I am a writer and said she enjoys criticizing stories to help people write better.

Knowing this was the best opportunity I instantly accepted her offer and gave her my story so she could help me make it better.

For a week we kept talking about it in a casual, acquiantance way.

Then I started to act more like a friend to her and get to know her better before asking her out to coffee. Things went perfect and now I am at this stage.

Yes I agree about the writing thing it is the perfect opportunity to use.

Ultimatum...yes...it would instantly change things forever and how things are write now would never be the same again.

What would you suggest I do with the story then?

Make it very clear and obvious it is about me writing my feelings for her but deny that the girl in the story is her and that the boy in the story is me and say they are completely different?

By NOT saying it is us but making her think it is this would also make her question what my feelings for her are...

When should I do this then? The second meetup or the third?

If I do it the second time it might even be the only thing I need to do to make her question my feelings for her.

Compliment her on her looks, tell her about my story, do everything else normally/same as last time, then just sa a friendly goodbye.

Maybe even GIVE her my story with my USB.

I gave her my other story so she could read it when she was at home and not just as school. Perhaps also do that again so she can make it through the whole romantic story...

And yes an existentialist point of view adds a twist to things...



kraftiekortie
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22 Mar 2015, 9:28 am

I think it's a good way of going about this.

I wouldn't imply, in any way, that the two main characters are you two--within the story.

Sometimes, it's better to give her the physical story rather than send it via e-mail.



Jono
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22 Mar 2015, 12:36 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
The reason why I made that suggestion is because she likes writing--and you might like it as well.

Writing provides people with a way to express feelings without it being direct and personal.

Establish the fact that you are a person of at least some substance, which seems to be true in your case.

As far as the direct "relationship" question: I find that it is too early for that--and that it might seem like an ultimatum.


One way that you could get around that is by writing a letter. If he's still at school then he could leave her a note on her desk. I didn't manage date any girls when I was still in school but I remember seeing a lot of kids doing that. If you find it easier to express yourself while writing, then that's one way to do it. I don't know whether or not there's a hard and fast rule about when to ask whether to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I do know that the more you date someone the more you get to know them. I thought that this it was the default assumption that you're ultimately pursuing this if you're getting to know them one on one, unless stated otherwise.



Last edited by Jono on 22 Mar 2015, 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jono
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22 Mar 2015, 12:39 pm

Outrider wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
The reason why I made that suggestion is because she likes writing--and you might like it as well.

Writing provides people with a way to express feelings without it being direct and personal.

Establish the fact that you are a person of at least some substance, which seems to be true in your case.

As far as the direct "relationship" question: I find that it is too early for that--and that it might seem like an ultimatum.


Yes I do I write my own stories and this is how we first started communicating in the first place.

My feelings were only just starting to develop. She was instantly excited by the fact I am a writer and said she enjoys criticizing stories to help people write better.

Knowing this was the best opportunity I instantly accepted her offer and gave her my story so she could help me make it better.

For a week we kept talking about it in a casual, acquiantance way.

Then I started to act more like a friend to her and get to know her better before asking her out to coffee. Things went perfect and now I am at this stage.

Yes I agree about the writing thing it is the perfect opportunity to use.

Ultimatum...yes...it would instantly change things forever and how things are write now would never be the same again.

What would you suggest I do with the story then?

Make it very clear and obvious it is about me writing my feelings for her but deny that the girl in the story is her and that the boy in the story is me and say they are completely different?

By NOT saying it is us but making her think it is this would also make her question what my feelings for her are...

When should I do this then? The second meetup or the third?

If I do it the second time it might even be the only thing I need to do to make her question my feelings for her.

Compliment her on her looks, tell her about my story, do everything else normally/same as last time, then just sa a friendly goodbye.

Maybe even GIVE her my story with my USB.

I gave her my other story so she could read it when she was at home and not just as school. Perhaps also do that again so she can make it through the whole romantic story...

And yes an existentialist point of view adds a twist to things...


If you write your own stories anyway, then ignore what I said previously. You can use it as a way to express yourself but don't try and write something just as an attempt to impress her. It must be genuine.



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22 Mar 2015, 1:38 pm

I do agree with Jono.



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22 Mar 2015, 4:47 pm

When is your date, anyway?



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23 Mar 2015, 2:40 am

Alright. I'll be seeing her tomorrow afternoon.

So, we need to get an idea of what I am doing.

So like I said, 75% natural and 25% planned.

Natural means i just let things happen as they do. Planned is whatever things I want to intentionally do.

So...ideas:

1. Compliment her on her looks when I see her.
2. Hug her goodbye if I feel it would work.
3. See her car.

What else? What should we confirm that I do?



Jono
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23 Mar 2015, 6:43 am

Outrider wrote:
Alright. I'll be seeing her tomorrow afternoon.

So, we need to get an idea of what I am doing.

So like I said, 75% natural and 25% planned.

Natural means i just let things happen as they do. Planned is whatever things I want to intentionally do.

So...ideas:

1. Compliment her on her looks when I see her.
2. Hug her goodbye if I feel it would work.
3. See her car.

What else? What should we confirm that I do?


Sounds good to me.



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23 Mar 2015, 7:48 am

Cool by me!



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23 Mar 2015, 8:15 am

No other ideas of how I can subtly flirt or express my feelings a bit better?

Or is a compliment on her looks and a hug more than enough to make her start thinking about how I feel for her?

The romance novel idea will have to be put on hold while I write it in the first place.



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23 Mar 2015, 8:18 am

I think a hug and a compliment are more than enough.

If she play footsie with you, play footsie with her.

It's only a second date, man! LOL

You're 16: being an Eager Beaver is inevitable...and healthy.



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23 Mar 2015, 8:44 am

At the same time...it isn't technically a 'date', but just a second hangout.

Would there be a way I could 'turn it into' a date.

The question is:

Is it already implied enough that we two are going on DATES and not just 'hangout's..

Or could it be a mis-communication...

Maybe I could...casually mention it's a date, as if we already both agreed it was a date.

I'm not sure if this would result in awkwardness or not.

For example, she is perfectly fine with paying for herself. I could say "Honestly, I just think if you ask someone out on a date, then the asker should be the one who pays. Come on, it's my treat."

Would this be an alright thing to do?