Why flirting?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Mar 2015, 6:25 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

yellowtamarin wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

So in other term, you're only good in forming short-terms.

Ok, that clarifies something....

No, like I said, the friendship comes after the dating starts. As in, that could be ending the dating and just being friends, or it could be a relationship, short or long term. Building a friendship without that barrier-breaking beginning is the hard part.

That includes same-sex relationships?

Yep.

Ok, you're a weird specimen then.

My difficulty in forming relationship is partly due to difficulty in forming friendship in the first place, the other part is due to living conditions.

However, the only short-term relationships I had all started very-sexual from day one (but didn't remain just sexual).

rdos
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26 Mar 2015, 6:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Forming romantic relationships is a layer above forming friendships in term of difficulty and social skills requirement, the former requires the optimum of social skills to be very successful at it, and you are (and so can be assumed you're also good at forming friendships) - and hence that means you have mastered social skills somehow to a natural level (and that includes body language and flirting) or you simply always had it good.

That's of course just garbage. Just like the hypothesis that it is best for neurodiverse people to start with friendships and advance them to relationships is pure garbage. You actually posted the reason why this hypothesis is garbage: Friendships require a lot of social skills, so starting with friendships will have a high failure rate. You don't want a high failure rate when you look for a romantic partner.

AspieAnnie
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30 Mar 2015, 8:49 am

I'm quite surprised at the amount of people on here who like flirting. I am a stereotypical aspie and I CANNOT flirt, I don't comprehend it, and if someone flirts with me I usually don't' notice until in hindsight, or am very uncomfrotable with it/find it intimidating/frightening.

Spiderpig
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30 Mar 2015, 9:07 am

rdos wrote:

Flirting is not something you know or learn, you just do it. And that is not like "just relax and be yourself and everything will be fine". You really shouldn't learn how to flirt because then you will just be a fake.

Does that mean that those of us who can’t “just do it”, let alone enjoy it, because our natural behavior is simply to let the opportunity go in frustration, should just give up for life?

I’m not comfortable with giving up, but I think flirting is indeed a way to weed out those who lack what it takes to do it properly, like any other challenge you have to face in life.

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rdos
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30 Mar 2015, 9:34 am

Spiderpig wrote:

Does that mean that those of us who can’t “just do it”, let alone enjoy it, because our natural behavior is simply to let the opportunity go in frustration, should just give up for life?

No, it means learn how your natural way of flirting works, and use that instead of trying to copy NTs.

Spiderpig
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30 Mar 2015, 9:48 am

I don’t have a natural way of flirting—my natural way is not to flirt.

rdos
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30 Mar 2015, 1:03 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

I don’t have a natural way of flirting—my natural way is not to flirt.

I don't believe people that claim that. They just lack in self-awareness. Start your road to better self-awareness by completely ignoring how it is supposed to work, and it will be easier.

Diningroom
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31 Mar 2015, 5:58 pm

rdos wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

I don’t have a natural way of flirting—my natural way is not to flirt.

I don't believe people that claim that. They just lack in self-awareness. Start your road to better self-awareness by completely ignoring how it is supposed to work, and it will be easier.

Some people don't like flirting - so they don't. There's nothing wrong with that.

The non-flirters can get together with their fellow non-flirters.

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