Do Aspie women sh*t test?

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I had a wtf moment reading the title. It's just the same box with different gift wrap.

That is a yuk post, FOB.

About the breaking up thing: You have to decide who is more important, your partner or yourself. This is a risky game to play because it can backfire. You are unhappy with your partner so you threaten to break up with them or you are telling them to leave or you are packing up to leave and they let you do it, you are hurt at the end because they let you go so you feel hurt and rejected because they didn't care enough about you because they didn't pick you.

I say only do this if you are really going to break up with them and you are prepared to but also have in mind you will give them another chance if they decide to work it out so you give them another chance. But it is possible your partner might think this is just a game so they act cool about it and let you go, bam you leave and they are hurt because they realize you were serious and they had lost you and they feel like they had screwed up.

i've never done this or had it done to me. i wouldn't appreciate such a test and might consider it grounds for ending the relationship. if you date a person for at least six months before committing yourself to them, as domestic violence experts suggest, life will put enough stressors in their path in that time for you to be able to sort out who they really are without any artificial drama.

In my first two relationships I would say about wanting to break up with them while I was very hurt and upset. I had to learn to not say this when I am upset because every time I would say it, I would realize I didn't mean it. My rule of thumb is never say things while you are upset and wait until you are calm and if you still feel the same way, then say it. I used to not understand why it was a bad thing to do in a relationship, now I know. It comes off as a game and manipulation and you will not get support from your partner so it's tough for me to tell if my ex was egging me to leave like a bully would with their victim when they say they want to hit them so they go "go ahead." Then you are hurt if your partner acts dismissive because they are calling it a game you are playing so not a good idea to say this. It's like how a kid goes "I hate you, you're mean, I want a new family" when they don't get their way because they haven't developed enough proper communication to express themselves so telling that child to "go ahead" can backfire on them because then they really feel you don't love them. It's the same here in relationships if you say you want to break up with them but don't mean it because you don't have a proper way of expressing your feelings and then you are hurt when your partner doesn't give a s**t because of the misunderstanding. The parents think their kid is being manipulative, the partner thinks their partner is being manipulative which is why my husband told me you have to be careful when you do it to the child and it's the same with relationships too. So like I say it's tough for me to even consider this abuse on my ex's part because abusers do not care about your feelings and they dismiss them. But I can imagine an abused telling their abuser they want to leave them so the abuser goes just like a bully "Go ahead" because it makes them feel so powerful it's like "Oh you are going to leave me, I dare you, just try." So yeah be careful when you say this and make sure you mean it when you say it and don't expect any good results. It's like gambling. Also if you often feel like breaking up, then you should break up because the relationship is bad. How much longer can you wait? They rarely change and the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave them.

In my first relationship when I was starting to think about breaking up with him because things were not getting better and he was staying the same, I talked to him about it and he acted indifferent about it saying "if we break up, we break up." He said this every time so one day I broke up with him and he didn't take it well at all. He called himself a screw up and fell into depression and I was so confused by his reaction because he had acted all cool about it before I broke up with him. I realize now he probably thought I was playing a game so he was probably doing reverse psychology and it backfired so he was hurt because he had realized I was serious and he blew it. Now the contradiction makes sense.

In my third relationship, I didn't make the same mistake again. That sentence was off limits for when I am upset and still is and should be for everyone. I think only say this when you absolutely sure you are wanting to break up with them and if your partner thinks this is just a game so they don't make any amends and improvements, their loss. It can be a lesson for them to learn. I am sure it was a hard lesson for my first boyfriend.

I am a woman on the spectrum, and I do test people that I date.
I don't act ridiculous or make them do things for me though. I just basically slam them with a 1-2 punch of:

"So... I'm a nerd, I don't like it when other people fix my computers or car for me, I spend half the year in a forest alone for work, I make comic books in my spare time, I refuse to wear makeup, I like to cook, but if you demand I make you something because I am a woman I will spit in it, I have XXX genetic conditions, the odds of my kids having them is XXX. ....Still interested in having dinner?"

I call it the gauntlet of weird. I'm not being irrational, I just prefer to get uncomfortable topics out of the way from the start. If the person is too scared to deal with that, they're probably not going to last in a relation ship with me anyway. I am generally low maintenance and go with the flow, so I like to assert early on what I will be holding my ground on.

... so that the person I was replying to would not assume that I was making a personal attack ...

I am a woman on the spectrum, and I do test people that I date.
I don't act ridiculous or make them do things for me though. I just basically slam them with a 1-2 punch of:

"So... I'm a nerd, I don't like it when other people fix my computers or car for me, I spend half the year in a forest alone for work, I make comic books in my spare time, I refuse to wear makeup, I like to cook, but if you demand I make you something because I am a woman I will spit in it, I have XXX genetic conditions, the odds of my kids having them is XXX. ....Still interested in having dinner?"

I call it the gauntlet of weird. I'm not being irrational, I just prefer to get uncomfortable topics out of the way from the start. If the person is too scared to deal with that, they're probably not going to last in a relation ship with me anyway. I am generally low maintenance and go with the flow, so I like to assert early on what I will be holding my ground on.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder? My last gf had it. There were times when I made it clear that I was going to break up with her if she continued her emotional abuse and manipulative behavior like crossing boundaries knowingly and striking at my weak points on a daily basis. She would do the "please don't leave me! I love you" ploy and then we'd get back together and she'd act like she hated my guts. Not all women are borderline as that is a very extreme condition but I've heard a lot of stories from guys about milder forms of it: The woman they're with is basically insecure because she feels inherently vulnerable and she resorts to manipulative behavior towards the guy out of an emotional need to protect herself. My very first gf was possibly autistic and she never engaged in this kind of behavior. She was so unusual in that she was calm, emotionally stable, and surprisingly confident on the inside. Too bad I lost her.



And Fnord, you don't get it: When it comes to abusive partners, not matter what way they abuse you(physically, sexually, or emotionally), you cannot change someone else. No amount of love, sex, money, or reassurance is going to persuade them to stop treating you badly. A person who mistreats you and does not change their behavior despite you telling them you dislike they way they treat you is a person who has no respect for you; let alone empathy. The best thing to do is to break up with them. Because if somebody does this, they are the one with the problem and not you. I finally broke it off for good with my ex-gf after a month of distancing myself from her emotionally and spending more and more time away from her(we lived together).

Aspies of both sexes seem to be vulnerable to attracting abusive people because NTs think we're psychologically and emotionally weak.

... Fnord, you don't get it: When it comes to abusive partners, not matter what way they abuse you(physically, sexually, or emotionally), you cannot change someone else. No amount of love, sex, money, or reassurance is going to persuade them to stop treating you badly. A person who mistreats you and does not change their behavior despite you telling them you dislike they way they treat you is a person who has no respect for you; let alone empathy. The best thing to do is to break up with them. Because if somebody does this, they are the one with the problem and not you. I finally broke it off for good with my ex-gf after a month of distancing myself from her emotionally and spending more and more time away from her(we lived together)...

So I've heard a lot about s**t testing these days...mainly from PickUp Artists and now it has permeated its way into pop culture. But when I think about it, many women I've gone on first dates with and 2 of my ex-gf's(only had 3) engaged in this behavior a great deal. I would often get frustrated and extremely angry about women being rude to me on dates for no apparent reason and it's because I didn't pick up on what they were trying to do.

But do Aspie women tend to do this as well? That is, give guys a hard time without warning and provocation to see how they react and how much they can get away with. Or say things they don't mean such as "leave me alone!" when they're upset when they actually don't want to be left alone. Ya know, typical manipulative behavior that is a byproduct of being insecure and emotionally volatile.

Here's an article about it: http://www.wealthylovelife.com/shit-tes ... jKZB5eCqBs