May I get some opinions on "May-September" romance

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Me too. Ragtime is good looking and as you say, very sweet too

Well, yes, I would have to agree with you there. I just didn't want to be the only one mentioning it. Put his looks together with his kindness and he seems like the perfect catch!

I don't think I would date someone twice my age (half my age wouldn't even be legal!) because we would be at completely different stages in our lives, and that I feel would create a barrier for a romantic relationship. I don't see anything morally wrong with it (if both are adults) or anything, it's just the fact that I feel we would inevitably have completely different experiences and so on and hence I wouldn't do it (don't object with others doing it).

I feel completely different than everyone I meet, so that's nothing new!

I can't speak for anyone else's family, but it was pretty easy with mine. My daughter (4 years younger than my wife) said "just don't expect me to call her 'mom,'" but that was about as close to an objection as my kids had. My mother said "of course you know it will never last, because of the age difference," but in the 11 years since, I have resisted the urge to tease her about that, and she's very happy to have been wrong.

There was some discomfort on the part of my in-laws; my wife's stepmother, who is a few months younger than me, definitely had a problem with it at first. But when they saw how happy she was, and how I put her through university and such, they got over it, and now we get along really well.

In short, most people want their relatives to be happy, and you can probably expect that sentiment to end up winning the day.

Things are still going wonderfully well in my new relationship. We've told everyone we know, and have gotten mostly positive and supportive reactions. ...This is something really special!

Really glad to hear this

I have a younger man chasing after me but I have little interest in romance. He is all of a year younger lol

I'm so glad for both of you!! ! Maybe people are seeing the real you after all.

Good for you! I am 39 and my girlfriend is 11 years older than me. We have been together for almost two years. Older women are much more suitable for aspie men.

One of my friends just celebrated 15 years with her husband and he's 10 years younger than she is. They seem very happy and well matched.

Well, I promised I'd update you guys. We're taking a break now. It's majorly about AS. I had a bad over-stim reaction (internal, but severe), caused by going to two three-hour social events with her back-to-back. I know, I know -- as an Aspie, what was I thinking putting myself through that? Just made a bad judgment. It ended with me driving erractically on the way home, after dropping her off, and putting ear-plugs in and covering my eyes with my hands, sitting in my darkened living room. For the first time, I understood why many Aspies flap their hands. I tried it, and it helped. My mind was racing uncontrollably, and I could not do anything to slow it down. I just had to wait several hours at home for it to finally slow down to normal on its own. I had warned her about my social anxiety from the very beginning (although this was the worst reaction I've had -- ever), but she still wanted me to go to this, plus another social event in the future, which I've now backed out of. I hadn't slammed a door for any reason for about a year, but I did so after getting back to my apartment. I NEEDED to, I was stretched so tightly inside!! It helped, but only took about one-tenth of the emotional edge off.

One thing I noticed -- to my surprise, as well as my sudden physical pain -- was that, during the second of the two, long, back-to-back social events, my lower back muscles and shoulders were stiff as boards, even though I was just sitting there relaxed (or so I thought). I could barely move those stiff muscles even a degree! I had to carefully go walk outside just to get them working again. The windy 45 degrees it was outside yesterday -- while I was in short-sleeves -- was paradise compared to the social environment inside. (I think we can all relate to that.) I gladly walked until I was numb from the cold, before eventually returning to my own personal hell inside the building.

There's more to it than AS, but AS was a major player in this relationship suspension.

You were brave to do that Ragtime. I have a hard time getting through two hours with people I know very well. DH has some separate social outlets (mostly sports ones) because I really cannot deal with it. We do some things with friends, but not too much. Dinner is usually okay for me because I don't have to talk much and I can zone out. Big social events where everyone constantly talks are rareties.

I made it very clear to my girlfriend that my participation in social events will be limited. I will only attend events that I feel comfortable attending. I also explained to her that if I feel the need to leave that I will leave. She has been very understanding of this and this has not caused any problems. You need to explaine to her that you just cannot do too many social events. If she is worth having around she will understand.

Let me know if your arrangment continues to work. I had explained, very very clearly, to her about my social limitations. She claimed she fully understood, but then made me go to this stuff anyway.

That is sad news. However, I don't think the situation is hopeless. I will try to give you some info about my experiences in the hopes that it will be of value to you.

I think that she really does listen to you, and she really doesn't want to make you unhappy, BUT as an NT, she really truly will never understand the physical pain involved. I say this from my experience with my NT love of 4 years. We met before I found out I have AS, and the discovery of why I do the things I do has been a positive learning experience for both of us. However, what usually happens for us is that something similar to the above will happen, I'll go "turn turtle" (that's what I call when I am overstimulated to the point of meltdown and need to shut out every sensory input possible and yes I do look like a turtle - with earplugs!), he'll go off and try to think about it/figure it out while being pretty not understanding, then after a period of time apart and after my nervous system has re-equilibrated, he is usually able to listen, and then I tell him what went wrong. And then he is remarkable kind and understanding.

But, he still has expectations of me based on his being an NT. He is getting a little better, but even last night he agreed to chaperone a middle school fundraiser with a punk band for 5 hours and expected me to go with him. (Insert 'shock' emoticon here). I ended up going at the very end, sitting by myself, but not resenting it because I did what I was capable of doing while at the same time giving him what he wanted. So we're learning compromise, I guess, based on what each of us wants and him learning what I am capable of. But I must say that, despite telling him very clearly exactly how painful a meltdown is, he still doesn't get it, and I'm thinking the NT mind is not able to comprehend it. I look at it like I will never know even a little bit of what it is like to live with deafness or blindness. Impossible, right?


Of course I understand. But she probably wouldn't. You can try to explain to her the physical pain (like I explained in the above paragraph).

Good luck, and I hope this doesn't make either of you change your minds.

Whenever I am down about relationship issues, "The Wood Song" by the Indigo Girls always makes me feel stronger and more hopeful:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krcFPu3hqEY[/youtube]

Sorry you went through this...I find that I can explain until I'm blue to other people about how I am with social situations...most nod their head and try to understand, but it's like they chalk it up to the equivalent of having a mild panic attack and it rolls right off them like water off a duck's back...until I freak out of course.

Like alot of things I guess, unless you live it...it's hard to grasp.