Not all virgins are ugly misogynist clueless idiots.

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I don't understand. Who/where is this constant bashing coming from? How would anyone know you're a virgin unless you announce it?

Hi Katy, how are you?
That's not really a reason, because you don't know why other people ditched that person. It might very well be something people in general mind but you don't.

Not completely true because some people are really virgins by choice.

Oh God really? I thought that feeling bad about one's virgnity made one entitled to a sexual intercouse with a girl of his choice, but luckily you came here and enlighted me with your superior understanding of social norms. Thank you, pal!

I don't see anything wrong in it and it doesn't sound odd to me at all. Looking at the sentence it means that someone is a virgin and he doesn't like it, I don't see anything else in it. The fact that you feel it doesn't mean that someone else using that expression is an entitled misogynist. Don't you see that you can hurt people by assuming such things about them like that in such a gratuitous manner? A guy who is rejected all the time might already feel very bad, no need to call him entitled and misogynous on such a silly basis.

One example is a few months ago I had a well thought out video explaining how the friend zone has nothing to do with sex, and I had to take it down because people still didn't get it, and accused me of being just "another mysogynist virgin who is trying to get into a girl's pants."

As Aristophanes noted, being something that is socially construed as bad - a virgin, single - does not require a clarification that it is 'not by choice'. The more unusual aspect would be if it were by choice. Let's add it to a few more bad things, see how odd it looks.

I'm too hot, not by choice.

I'm finding this chair uncomfortable, not by choice

I was mugged, not by choice.

My computer stopped working, not by choice.

All of these are odd. There is no need to add 'not by choice', as very few people would assume they were a choice. The same goes with being a virgin or single. There are a very small number of social contexts where it might be assumed to be a choice (certain religious ones, mostly), but even then not treated as a given. Certainly, in the midst of kvetching about how one can't get a girlfriend, throwing in 'and not by choice' is an odd excess. I mean, duh.

Using 'not by choice' makes one, essentially, a victim. It is someone putting their hands up in a gesture of bewildered 'I've had enough', saying 'I did everything and anything possible to get a girlfriend' - again, this is very unlikely - 'I still can't get one'. It makes one a subject, rather than an object, and it assumes/expects that if a, b and c are done, a girlfriend should follow.

It is a thing that is happening to You, rather than something to do with how You are or what You're doing. Clearly, it is a bad, unwelcome thing. Bad, unwelcome things that happen to us have a cause, a point at which the fault lies. The 'single, but not by choice' man, by using those words, puts the responsibility for that fault on another party. The party in question being all Womankind. In short, 'single, and not by choice' sounds entitled. It is there in the language, even if not there in the conscious attitude of the speaker/writer.

'Not by choice' or 'involuntarily celibate' is a passive voice. "I'm just going to sit here and see if I get laid". It expects action is due from the other party - which, again, in this case is all Womankind.

Alternatives:

Man, I wish I could get laid.

I just can't seem to get a girlfriend.

I'm single, and I don't want to be.

I'd really like to find that someone special.

Every woman I ask out turns me down. Is that normal? Could you help me work out what I might be doing wrong?

All these keep the single/virgin as the focus/agent of the sentence. No entitlement. These allow that something may be done, that action may be taken.

Being hot is not a bad thing. These other things don't depend on someone's will and they don't change by making efforts.
Besides the expressions "single by choice" and "virgin by choice" do exist and so the contrary doesn't sound excessively weird.

The fact that " not by choice" is not required doesn't mean that if you say it you are misogynous scum. As I see it, "not by choice" means "not by choice", any additional meaning that you choose to attribute to it is not my responsability and it depends entirely to you. Infact nor I nor Spiderpig feel entitled to someone else's vagina, why do you keep arguing that we do and we are horrible misogynists? We do not attribute any meaning to it apart from the literal one.

Being too hot is a bad thing. That's why I said 'too hot'.

I used them precisely because they do not depend on one's will, because they are things that are against one's will. Because the language of 'not by choice' and 'involuntarily celibate' do the same. They are expressions of passivity, of victimhood. The effect is that virginity and singledom are something that is being done to the person, against the person's wishes. And who is behind the doing here? Who is the agent, the actor? Women. Hence, accusations of entitlement.

Just because an expression exists, does not mean it makes sense or only has the meaning the speaker/writer thinks it does. The same expression may be used in a different context, and carry a different meaning. Language is something that exists between people, and we are not always in control of the meanings that are conveyed by its use.

I'm not going to get anywhere with this. I see that. I do not think that someone who says they are 'single, not by choice' is necessarily an entitled, misogynistic a***hole. However, I have tried to show, through an analysis of the words used and their context, that whatever your intention the effect of the words used and how they are used can convey more than you intend, and that it is reasonable to question if someone who uses those terms might actually be an entitled, misogynistic a***hole, and that someone who isn't an entitled, misogynistic a***hole might then stop using the phrase.

Therein lies the magic of language: it's not about what's said, it's about what's implied and what's omitted. Adding "not by choice" as a qualifier implies that someone else is the cause of your problems, after all it's not your choice so therefore it must be someone else's choice thrust upon you. The term itself sounds whiney and juvenile: "Why are you cleaning your room, that's stupid." "My mom's making me, it's not by choice." Now you can deride this as a personal type attack, but it's really not, it's about using the appropriate language to get others to understand your point. If you imply that you have no control over the situation no one can help you because if you don't have control then neither do any of the people who would like to offer you constructive advice.

You are confunding cause and effect. It only implies that if you think that a woman owes you anything, if you accept the rejection it only means that you haven't found a partner yet. You guys just can't conceive that we can accept a rejection because you LOVE to see us as misogynous a**holes and women abusers.

I don't find it whiney and juvenile and even if it were there's a different between being whiney and being a women's abuser, you people should all moderate your words and stop accusing us. Moreover I never asked any of you for help because I don't really think it can be helped. And even if I were to ask for help, I wouldn't ask people who have prejudices towards people like me.

Ok. You want to solve your virginity, get 100$, go to the nearest big city and buy a prostitute. Problem solved. Don't have 100$, then steal it. Don't know where the prostitutes are, use google or craigslist I'm sure something will pop up. You just have to choose to do it. Prostitution has been around since civilization, virginity has always been a choice for males. I'd believe a female was a virgin "not by choice" before i believed a male since there are actually professional services available just for men. Don't want to have sex with a prostitute? Well again that's your choice. You may not like the available choices, but they are still choices.

Edit: typos...on mobile atm, so it's a fact of life...but it was my choice to use mobile...

Speaking as an ugly misogynistic clueless idiot virgin myself, I think the whole argument over "virgin (DISCLAIMER: not by choice)" is a bit silly. I don't see it as implying entitlement but I also don't see it worth arguing so strongly over.

Perhaps there's a middle ground? "Virgin (not by choice (not entitled))".

And prostitutes are nasty. I don't consider them a valid choice at all. I'd rather remain a virgin thank you very much.

Therein lies the point though: it's still a choice you're making. You're choosing your standards over your wants. If one feels they have no choices, they will never change. If one really wants to change they'll choose a different option regardless of the difficulty, legality, or moral implications.

I think it's important, but I also think it's interesting. I like language.

It's a Love & Dating sub-section of a forum for people on the autistic/neuro-atypical spectrum. The context in which someone's virgnity is mentioned is usually that of 'I can't get a date/laid'. That the person who mentions they are a virgin would rather not be is as close to a given as one could hope to get. If one wants to emphasise the matter, just go with a clear 'unfortunately, I'm (still) a virgin'.

If one considers an option or choice not valid, then that is a choice one has made to do so. Though you do kind of get to the point - in all these complaints, there probably is a choice, if not a number of choices in the matter. 'I'm a virgin, and not by choice' is bad enough, but 'I'm a virgin, and not by any choice I consider valid' is taking the piss.

Heh. I suppose beggars can't be choosers.

Of course they can. 'Hey, Mr Beggar. Would you like this £10 note or a punch in the face?'.

If all a heterosexual man is concerned about is losing his virginity; is, as the colloquial has it, getting his cock wet, there are options. Could be a sex worker, could be getting into a sex/swingers party thing, could be dropping any standards and relentlessly searching until he finds a woman (even if he finds her repulsive and needs drugs to get it up) who will take his penis into her vagina. Ta-da - virginity lost.

If, on the other hand, that virgin heterosexual man has standards, has certain hopes for the context of how he loses it and who he loses it to - well gosh, a human having hopes and standards as to their romantic/sexual partner (be it first or fifty-first), and struggling to find someone who meets those hopes and standards? Whoever would have thought!

So, there doesn't seem to be any need for this 'not by choice' crap.

First off it being illegal IS a good reason not to go to prostitutes, where it is illegal, and wow you suggest stealing money. Also if one doesn't feel that buying sex is an option and they are disgusted by it you are in no position to tell them that they should do it.
Let me add that some women in this very forum in the past have been very nasty to guys who hired sex workers even just once and have called them abusers and told them that no decent woman will want to be with them in the future. I don't think people should listen to them but not all women accept it.
And the fact that you believe it about women and not about males makes me puke, that's so sexist. Male hookers exist too you know?

You're not saying anything I disagreed with. In fact what you just said is the long version of what I meant by "beggars can't be choosers". Someone truly desperate not to be a virgin has to throw their standards away. I just think this argument is splitting hairs.