Involuntary Celibacy

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Ah well...I like my interpretation better!

Thing is, I don't have money to waste on the disease-ridden skanks that populate my home town's red-light district, and I certainly don't have money to waste on going somewhere that has a slightly higher class of working girl. It's not the sex that bothers me, so much as the shelling out of money for substandard merchandise...

First off (on the celibacy/ marriage thing) somebody once told me celibacy meant being faithful in marriage so it technically included getting sex and that the real word for not seeking or getting any sex is ABSTINENCE. And yes abstinence CAN be involuntary ---- very much so!

Involuntary abstinence is a nightmare. I have been good-looking all my life and it's only now that I'm in my mid-forties and no longer quite so attractive that I discover for the first time that I'm probably aspie and it instantly makes total sense of millions of things and that THIS might be the key to the problems I have had in the past getting myself to be able to meet the people I wanted to meet --- more sense than all the well-intentioned "good-advice" things NT people tend to try to offer you like -- "it's just fear" and "it's normal everybody gets that" "with more experience you'll get over it" (etc, etc) which I now realise was no f**ckin help. And maybe there is fear there too, for me, but that is a different issue and just an added complication.

One problem is I can't get it into my head that I have any right to approach anybody I fancy. It has to come from them first or I'll have committed some terrible error that will disqualify me from ever speaking to them again. And you know what - that was exactly what happened to me last year when I met someone I liked who could have been good for me and I tried to ask them out. I took it to heart and the knock-back knocked me right back to pre-pubescent zero in terms of mentality.

NT people will just say "move on" or look for some rebound sex or something to get your confidence back up.

But I DON'T choose this blindness to opportunity + incompetence in asking = no relationship. It is INVOLUNTARY.

Maybe it's a disproportionate sense of crap morality or something. Like a kind of out-of-all-proportion respect for the other person which means I have no right to exist unless they acknowledge me first. When people used to say it was just fear and it was normal, get over it that never felt like the whole picture, but I couldn't explain it and now, horribly belatedly, I've maybe got a key as to to why.

Even in the one exception when I found myself - to my total astonishment - in a semi-relationship for the first and only time four years ago now -- bizarrely even then we were both too inexperienced to go for the sex part of it properly or admit the relationship maybe wasn't working (though it easily could have, at least for a while, I realise now) and simply move on. How stupid is that!

I think, although I'm not entirely certain, that to abstain from sex is a voluntary inaction, and to be celibate probably means you just haven't had any sex, regardless of your intentions. I think I remember hearing monks who abstained from sex being described as celibate monks.

The only real relationship I ever had was in the latter years of high school, with this really shy but incredibly attractive girl whose mum was a complete nutcase and disallowed her from having any kind of in-depth affairs with boys whatsoever. So we went out secretly (because I was incredibly attractive before all my hair fell out, and so I guessed correctly that she might want to go out with me. Now I am ugly. ) which meant that we could only see each other at school, and no sex in the cupboards was allowed (although I didn't really see why not). Summer holidays were pretty hard because we obviously couldn't see each other for like 6 weeks at a time. Proving to her beyond a doubt that she could go out with anyone she wanted even if her mother did all she could to stop her meant that as time went by, she grew out of her shyness and became a lot more headstrong and stuff. We gradually stopped texting each other and I moved away after a few attempts at going with her to the pub and almost having emotional breakdowns every time. LOL! My chipperity is untarnished!

I can identify with everything you've said MrSinister. You have just described me 8 years from now.




I understand this too. I know the hos in Dallas are quite expensive.

One thing that seriously pisses me off is when NTs and popular people and s**t say "oh you only need food, shelter, water, and sleep to survive"..... Hell by that definition, people don't *need* freedom to survive, but life would certainly suck without it. That whole statement makes it sound as if our happiness isn't important.

Generally speaking you need a knife, a flint, a water bottle...

Survival = not dying. Yes, life without freedom would really suck salmon, but if you had a room with a bed, food, and water, you'd survive. In such conditions you might not *want* to survive, but you'd survive.

Mind you, I don't think that's what this thread is about...

Er, actually this thread was about incel. That being said, if we are made to live in a situation worse than death, why should we not fight for equality? I mean it's damn sure not fair that they can discriminate against us in our persuit for life, liberty, and persuit of happiness. Do we not deserve a right to live happily? This is what the constitution is supposed to guarantee to all citizens, but the American dream has always discriminated against SOMEONE.
I'm definately not in support of rape or anything so vile as to force myself onto someone. However, incel is just as wrong, it's like asexual male-targeted rape. But it can last around 60-80 yrs on average.
I support legalising non-forceful prostitution, and perhaps maybe even gov't sponsored introduction agencies where they can match people on prooven criteria across a wide local database.

Er, actually this thread was about incel. That being said, if we are made to live in a situation worse than death, why should we not fight for equality? I mean it's damn sure not fair that they can discriminate against us in our persuit for life, liberty, and persuit of happiness. Do we not deserve a right to live happily? This is what the constitution is supposed to guarantee to all citizens, but the American dream has always discriminated against SOMEONE.
I'm definately not in support of rape or anything so vile as to force myself onto someone. However, incel is just as wrong, it's like asexual male-targeted rape. But it can last around 60-80 yrs on average.
I support legalising non-forceful prostitution, and perhaps maybe even gov't sponsored introduction agencies where they can match people on prooven criteria across a wide local database.

Er, actually this thread was about incel. That being said, if we are made to live in a situation worse than death, why should we not fight for equality? I mean it's damn sure not fair that they can discriminate against us in our persuit for life, liberty, and persuit of happiness. Do we not deserve a right to live happily? This is what the constitution is supposed to guarantee to all citizens, but the American dream has always discriminated against SOMEONE.
I'm definately not in support of rape or anything so vile as to force myself onto someone. However, incel is just as wrong, it's like asexual male-targeted rape. But it can last around 60-80 yrs on average.
I support legalising non-forceful prostitution, and perhaps maybe even gov't sponsored introduction agencies where they can match people on prooven criteria across a wide local database.

Sorry for the triple post, my computer is being a f**kwit and being slower than evolution.

while obviously a relationship would be a little more rewarding...i'd dare to say it's healthier to pay for it than to simply not have it at all.

No. The US Constitution gives the right of the pursuit of happiness. It does not promise that the pursuit would be successful -- that's up to you. And if you're not successful, then you're doing it wrong.



I still say that anyone who wants sex bad enough can find it, all they have to do is lower their standards enough. If someone wants sex and isn't getting it, there's a reason. All one has to do is figure out the reason, then do something about it. As long as one believes that there is nothing they can do and that it's beyond their control, then nothing will change.

That's why I can't take "incel" seriously as a concept -- for something this basic, there's always something one can do, things that someone can change about themselves. It's no different than my inability to get a job 20 years ago -- I finally realized why I was having no success, and did something about it.

And having a job is more important than having sex (jobs provide money with which to pay for things such as rent and food).



I wouldn't go so far as to support the idea of a government-sponsored agency. But then I tend to prefer the government stay out of things whenever possible. I do, however, support legal prostitution.

Why should anyone change to get a f**k ?
eg. An agarophobic isnt just going to decide to get up and walk out of the house because he hasn't stuck is cock inside someone for a while.

May as well say you can feed the starving by opening a McDonalds

Last edited by Kosmonaut on 06 May 2007, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i would tend to disagree.

Of course, this is just a lifestlye choice. It's something you can work on