Creepshamed and felt like an outcast

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11 Jul 2016, 3:52 pm

Some of you certainly never been in coseplay events - taking pictures with strangers because they are wearing cool constumes is very very very very common and acceptable in those events.

Chichikov
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11 Jul 2016, 4:06 pm

Am I the only one that wants to see this pic?

Peacesells
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11 Jul 2016, 4:08 pm

androbot01 wrote:

I said you were throwing insults like a troll.

She did act crazy, it was not an insult. Last week a girl here complained about a guy who took advantage of her feelings and I said that he was a jerk. Needless to say, none had a problem with it.

Quote:

I find picture taking to be very intrusive. She may have, she may not have, she may have been undecided. Who knows. It is an anecdote. You asked "who are you to say;" I'm one person with one opinion. Personally, I think he should have just asked her out on the first day when she said he could take her picture; for me it would have been then or never; but that's me.

As Boo said, it is very normal in this context to take pics with strangers. Also why on Earth would he have asked her out? He just wanted to take a pic, guys don't just talk t women for that, you know...
Also if I understood well he had a gf at the time.

Peacesells
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11 Jul 2016, 4:21 pm

Chichikov wrote:

Am I the only one that wants to see this pic?

Lol if she somehow were to find out that he published it, he would go to death row maybe.

Nine7752 wrote:

And, this is a good reminder to stay away from the L&D threads. I don't need to relive my 20's nor try to help anyone else do theirs. Have fun y'all.

Bye.

androbot01
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11 Jul 2016, 4:32 pm

Patrick64 wrote:

... Again, I don't understand what I did wrong. I wish she addressed this situation better by telling me what I'm doing wrong. I felt she was being passive aggressive towards me for no apparent reason, and now I'm being made out to be the bad guy. It really feels depressing feeling like I'm being ostracized for no apparent reason. I know I'm autistic, and some people don't quite understand that, so they assume the worst about other people and assume they are bad. Anyone else have a similar experience?

I have had similar experiences. It's life. Especially when you're autistic. It's better to learn from them than to complain about it though. Clearly this girl was in some way bothered by your behaviour. For me it would have been the second picture, but who knows in this case. She did make herself fairly clear. You have three options, I think: learn from it, forget about it, feel like a victim. You say you feel you're being ostracized for no reason; in my experience, there's always a reason. If you can figure out what it is, you can be better equipped in the future.

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11 Jul 2016, 8:30 pm

androbot01 wrote:

Patrick64 wrote:

Yeah, because there are no women who are psychotic. *rolls eyes*

lidsmichelle
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11 Jul 2016, 9:31 pm

androbot01 wrote:

Once is okay; a second picture is a little overly interested. Especially if you just met her at the convention.

Patrick64 wrote:

I know there is double standard shaming in this, but I do believe if you cosplay, dress sexy, you deserve the attention, even from creepy guys because you're attractive.

Really? Why is a woman expressing her creative playful side automatically her wanting to be perceived as sexy. That is your assumption, you don't know what her intention was?
And you think creepy behaviour is acceptable because of an assumption? Or at all?

It's that kind of assumptions that lead to cat calling and sexual harassment. I had some guy scream "slut" at me from his car a couple of weeks ago as I was walking home from the library. The assumption that I was wearing shorts for male attention (and not because it was 90 degrees) is ridiculous. I was literally heading home to go watch a documentary about Mothman.

This may come a shock to many men, but most women, even straight ones, don't dress for men. We mostly dress for other women, and for ourselves. When I get dressed I'm not thinking "boy howdy I hope men stare at my ass" I'm thinking "I look cute in this/this is comfortable/ this shirt and skirt with sneakers combo is so fashionable." I'm not thinking about whether or not men will think it's sexy. I don't want their attention, and the only attention I want relating to my clothes is potentially compliments on the outfit or asking where I bought something.

Though I'm grossly simplifying cat calling, considering the fact that I've been catcalled in a past the knee (and high neck) dress with opqaue tights and flats lol. It often has nothing to do with what you're wearing, and everything to do with men being gross.

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11 Jul 2016, 9:46 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:

Thinking more on this, this is REALLY stupid on her part. Lets dress up for a convention and not want people to take notice of the cosplay, wtf.

My misogyny sense is tingling...

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11 Jul 2016, 10:04 pm

Barchan wrote:

CommanderKeen wrote:

Thinking more on this, this is REALLY stupid on her part. Lets dress up for a convention and not want people to take notice of the cosplay, wtf.

My misogyny sense is tingling...

My idiot detection is going off the rails!! ! Seriously, the way some of you will just defend any female no matter what the situation is; is troubling. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if some of you defend women whom have literally castrated men.

Patrick64
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11 Jul 2016, 11:01 pm

So, from what I understand what can be considered "cat-calling":

A man Complimenting a woman's looks when she walks down her path. ex: "Hey, you look beautiful, how are you?". Sounds polite right?, better than "Hey girl, nice ass" which I always found rude. But nowadays even the first statement can be considered harassment even though you were just simply complimenting her looks. Girls nowadays get over complimented on their looks on dating websites, in public, etc that they are tired of men complimenting their looks. It can be creepy depending on the way it was said. I used to compliment women, but I don't anymore, even though I get a thank you. I believe girls are tired of hearing it because they heard it too much from other men. Sometimes complimenting a girl's looks can creep her out. 3 strikes and she will try to avoid you. She will even report you to the police without telling you to leave her alone. (I was never reported to the police). From what I experienced, some if not most girls don't assert wanting you to leave her alone if she doesn't know you well. While it's unfair that I wasn't able to pick up the social cues, it is what it is and I have to accept the unwritten rules of society.

I have gotten facebook friends with other girls I met at the convention, but after I find out they know friends of my friends I just want to be friends with them. Saying Hi all the time to a girl without letting her respond on facebook is considered harassment. I learned that the hard way by being unfriended on facebook.

Yeah, I now realized I did make a mistake, but it was a learning experience.

Don't lose confidence guys just because you came off creepy to a few girls. It happens to many guys who are learning to approach girls, especially autistic ones.

ShesGone
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11 Jul 2016, 11:24 pm

Chichikov wrote:

Am I the only one that wants to see this pic?

No. you're not the only one.

And am I the only one that wants to see OP's face? Because some people could be created to inevitably look creepier.

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Barchan
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11 Jul 2016, 11:26 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:

My idiot detection is going off the rails!! ! Seriously, the way some of you will just defend any female no matter what the situation is; is troubling.

Oh, pardon me. I just thought that a woman has the right to her privacy, and to not have cameras thrust at her just because a man likes her outfit. My mistake. (sarcasm)

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12 Jul 2016, 1:36 am

In today's society it's pretty common for people to ask strangers to take selfies with them & it's even more common at the con so reporting a guy to security who only asked to do that seems a little extreme. Perhaps there was more going on that the OP didn't realize or think it was important enough to mention.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jul 2016, 2:10 am

nick007 wrote:

No it is not common.

But in coseplay it's a standard activity!

For example if one is cosplaying as batman, and someone else happens to be cosplaying as batgirl, then they usually will take a photo together, It is so common.

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12 Jul 2016, 5:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Still have the right to say no thank you though. I mean this about anyone in this situation. Only if someone continues to push after you have said no to the picture should you get others involved

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12 Jul 2016, 5:35 am

CommanderKeen wrote:

Barchan wrote:

CommanderKeen wrote:

Thinking more on this, this is REALLY stupid on her part. Lets dress up for a convention and not want people to take notice of the cosplay, wtf.

My misogyny sense is tingling...

To be a bit fair though anyone should be able to dress up at a convention because you want to. It doesn't mean you want attention it's because you want to be that character for the day.

Also both of you stop antagonising eachother :roll:

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