When is it appropriate to approach someone you don't know?

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okay, fine, be a debbie downer. tell us what happens

Create a facebook account, let them add you, and you will understand why I am right.

i don't need to create a facebook account to understand that. i am the stranger who talks to you and then disappears like a ghost

i don't make friends with strangers in public places. i just talk to them sometimes randomly because i feel like it (i'm anticipating another negative response to this, so i'll say it already: if you think it's unfair or deceiving when someone does that, then you have issues)

facebook sucks and doesn't mean anything, it's all numbers. don't take it personally. people will add anyone they find friendly enough. it's just how it is

True that : viewtopic.php?f=6&t=288177

I would avoid approaching someone who is on the phone, or if they are engaged in a conversation with another person, the nature of which I feel it would be rude of me or inappropriate to interrupt. For example, two people intimately involved in a conversation at a small table together, or when people are conducting some type of business. Also, the angle of approach matters. I would avoid approaching people from behind.

Those things aside, if I want to say something to someone, I will usually say it. In most instances, the responses I receive are positive, though there are occasional poor responses.

This boo guy is yanking yall's chain.

(From a high-functioning Aspie who learned how to talk to girls the hard way.)

And spider-pig, telling people on this website to "stay away and mind their own $%#@ business," as you put it, is just negative from the get-go.
I've never once had anything bad happen from talking to a person in a public place.
The exceptions are things like: is she immersed in the game? Are her responses short when you approach? Does she ignore you completely? Is she talking on the phone at the time?
Those would be instances to give her some space.

Boo's advice about "Only when she approaches you" is complete hog-wash. Girls love being approached. Sometimes, when they do give cold responses, they are doing it on purpose for whatever internal reason.
Try someone else.

This makes me angry, because I've spent my whole life fighting my own negative internal voices, and then I come on here and see them being broadcast. Don't damage people worse than they already are. It will come around to bite you, and you'll just end up with even more of that negative self-dialogue when it comes YOUR turn to ask for the dance.

Avoid this stuff like the plague, guys. Please.
And look at what the actual women are saying on this thread!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you! This post is a breath of fresh air and truth!

not sure if you're including me in the list (because of my avatar), but anyway, just to make it clear, i'm not a woman

Any chance you'll tell us what "the hard way" is like? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of guys who learned not to talk to girls the hard way, too.



I haven't said anything I don't firmly adhere to myself in real life, and I'm afraid I have as much of a right as you do to post my views here, so I'll keep doing it unless moderators forbid me to.



Good for you. Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean everyone can. I certainly won't be caught doing it anytime soon, since I've gathered plenty of evidence that I've always been very far from attractive enough, even in my best years.



People are usually immersed in some thing or other all the time, because they understandably don't like wasting their time. Even if they're just relaxing, they wan't to relax, not to be disturbed by a stranger.



Well, I think it's spot-on, for the reasons already detailed many times.



Their frequent complaints and sarcasm about continual and unwelcome male approaches suggest otherwise. They often ask for advice on how to get guys to leave them the hell alone.



Probably because they're really fed up.



I've found those voices to be right more often than not.



If someone is "damaged" by reading an opinion they don't like, maybe they shouldn't be reading opinions on a free forum. Perhaps they should look for an echo chamber instead.



If only that were all I had to worry about! I'm almost flattered by your assumption that there's going to be a turn for me to ask for the dance, because there's most certainly not.



Yeah, let them learn the hard way, too.



The only things I've seen or heard from actual women on this topic are that their main concern is always how to be left unpestered by unworthy suitors, and how pathetic their approaches are, if not bordering on sexual assault.

It makes perfect sense if you ask me—approaching women is biologically meant to be hard. Really hard. Men, as the expendable sex we are, used to be expected to risk our lives plenty of times, seeing less fortunate peers die all the time, before being considered remotely worthy of female company other than family members.

yes. do let them

misery loves company, but is spreading misery really a good way to find it?

Spider-pig, you are basically me ten years ago. I get it.
Keep practicing, and take it slow. But don't give up on approaching people, unless you want the internet to be your permanent residence.
I'm reminded of a talk with a cynic where I said "I don't know how to approach them."
He said, "You're supposed to let them approach you."
I said "They don't ever approach me."
He said "Well there ya go..."

To this day, that guy is still single, still negative, and his home is the internet.
I could describe his "at-home" life in physical detail, except you could probably fill in all of the blanks for me.

Sorry for the tone.
Go approach someone today.

NTs do not bother people in public places?

I'd like other women to answer that.
They do, even if I have music in my ears or I'm writing. They often insist if I say I'm busy. They are occasionally really inappropriate, and even don't respect physical distance, not just an aspie thing. The difference is they know they're bothering you.

You try, if the person looks at her game, away, grunts or says no, you drop it.

It is natural to feel discouraged though before you even say a word because, in this generation at least, every young person is so glued to their phones and technology.

I can't stand phone addicts and usually would think if they're stuck on their phone to the point they clearly aren't watching where they're walking, not looking when they cross the street, or even at a beautiful national park or such and not even having even slight interest to look at the beautiful scenery around them, then it is a turn-off and a sign they aren't the right person for me.

But, considering it seems I rarely ever see young people here age 15-25 and the vast majority of them ARE simply glued to their phones this way, it significantly shrinks my dating pool.

I would have never considered it 'high standards' to not want to date someone very addicted to their phone (using your phone in public is fine, of course, but clear addiction e.g. all you do at the beach is lie down in the sand on your phone, seeing people walk through nature reserves stuck to their phone, etc.) is the norm - I could be missing out on a lot simply due to this reasonable standard.

Really if you don't play this new Pokemon GO game then you have no icebreaker to speak to another person on their phone and you'll just feel like you'd be rudely bothering them if you were to try and speak to someone while they're on their phone.

Also, I am talking about considerate males who think before they speak, not the rude idiots who'll bother you when they know it would and don't take you into account.

Am I crazy to think it is perfectly acceptable to strike up a conversation in any public place?

As long as the conversation is appropriate I don't see why not.

and that's why it's okay, for you. because you can tell that much on your own

but if you can't, and you need someone else's advice on it, it probably means you'll end up being confused by the outcome if you don't limit your list of "appropriate scenarios", at least at first

i wrote that huge step-by-step post and all, but i don't consciously follow any of it myself. i came up with it as i typed it