I broke up with my aspie boyfriend...could I have done more?

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People should note that I didn't say that NDs have less intense emotions. I think NDs have as least as intense emotions as NTs, possibly even more intense. The difference is that NTs want to verbalize their emotions and talk about them with friends and partners, while many NDs both have difficulties in doing this and perhaps even lack motivation in doing so, but they still experience emotions just as intensively.

Especially in regards to the topic here, NDs have much stronger infatuations that lasts longer than NTs. This typically creates problems in dating and breakups when they cannot move on easily. Personally, I have very strong and long lasting infatuations, and I do feel some urge to discuss it with people, but then it is about analysing things, not to talk about the emotion. I also feel that love should be shown with actions, not talked about.

Noted, I stand corrected that you don't mean to say NDs don't have intense emotions, but rather they may not wish to or be able to express them.

I am one of that type who does also both feel the need to express mine and who will express them, via wanting to talk to a person I feel close with emotionally. I'm a touchy-feely-sharey person when I become close to someone I feel compatible with or can trust. It's probably not a typical Asperger profile but I think there are some of us out there.

This sounds more about things like the "I love you honey" type of expressing -- even NT couples sometimes complain about that. I was thinking more along the lines of serious talks like being concerned about the finances or a new friend, or that you're feeling left out now that the partner is working longer hours, etc. Or that you've had such a terrible day, or that your parent has died and you've got to share how you feel with someone who loves you the most. Those kinds of "words rather than action" are quite important to keep open lines of communication.

I'm an NT in a strong friendship with an aspie. I thought I would share what I have learnt . . . .. Of course this is constantly changing.
1) when he tells me I am being irrational he is usually right although the it often takes me time to realise it
2) he is equally frustrated by my ability to understand him as I am frustrated by his lack of "emotional responses"
3) he will do almost anything for me, but not if he feels "trapped" or "manipulated"
4) I sometimes feel he looks to other people too much for affirmation and recognition, whereas it feels like he doesn't always acknowledge how much I respect and admire him.
5) he has made me really consider and contemplate emotions rather than just constantly expressing love for many many people
6) expect the unexpected . . . .blurting out inappropriate comments, laughing when I cry and getting cross when I push for emotions, are just a different way of "being" I try not to judge
7) all of this is worth it- and I don't have the words to explain exactly why . . . . .. . . .

Interesting question . . . .. .

And I guess if I had any idea how he feels about me it would be a start . . . ..

I'm sorry to hear about the way things turned out. Unfortunately, I've been on the giving end of a relationship like this before I realized I had Asperger's...

I was in a 5 year relationship with this girl that I met in college. We really hit it off, studied together, went out together. From time to time, I'd be stupid, miss a date or something... but she was always very forgiving. When we graduated, however, that's when some of my negative traits started to take their toll.

It didn't help that I developed a bad rapport with her mother and sister (constantly making blonde jokes around her blonde sister...). That and when we had gotten engaged, I fought tooth and nail with her mother, and constantly worrying/stating about how much it would cost and that it would be better to just up and elope, etc. I've learned better since then.

Anyways, things came to a head when one day I told her that I didn't know if I loved her anymore. Wrong thing to say. she didn't forgive me that time. She cut off all ties from me. Left me numb for a year, and that's when I really started to miss her. I blamed her, of course. Granted her mother and sister were difficult, but I sure wasn't helping.

Then, about 2 years after the break-up, I found out I might have Asperger's, and things all started to fit together. Now don't get me wrong - there's no excuse for my actions. I was immature, and needed some growing up. But other issues which plagued our relationship, such as me needing large amounts of time alone, having difficulties hanging around large groups of friends, etc. could have been ameliorated somewhat.

Needless to say, it was a big life lesson for me. I won't make the same mistakes twice.

So to summarize, I am sorry for your hurt, and I hope that for him, this will give him an education in growing up, and for you, I hope you turn out happier in the long run and find someone worthy of your affection. Hang in there!

Good luck.

I have tried . . . .. . . .