"We met at the supermarket."

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I'm glad I don't live in the Land of Boo.

I've talked to people in supermarkets plenty of times, fresh produce/ethnic markets even more often. They were just people talking to each other about food, recipes, best way to cook something, asking for advice etc. Sometimes the conversation keeps going and you might also end up recognising people if you shop there often.

But going to the supermarket with the explicit intention of picking up women or striking up a conversation only because you want to ask for her number sounds like a terrible idea.

Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Sabreclaw and Boo here. I'm not going to get into rape trials and crap like that, but there definitely is a lot more risk of an accusation like that sticking to a man than it would be for a woman. To my understanding, it's acceptable to slap or even Mace a man who's hitting on a woman without permission, and people will call her a hero. If a man so much as walks away from a woman hitting on him, he'll be made fun of for it... and don't even get me started on if he actually hit her.

In the 90's, a handful of supermarkets hosted singles' nights. At least I remember reading about them; I was a lowly preteen back then. They mostly happened in dense neighborhoods near city centers. Logic being that people there would be more receptive (or least tolerant) to cold-call approaches, than in family-centric suburban areas. I'm not sure how they operated. I presume they did some kind of scavenger hunt-type activities, where you're required to cooperate with other people to succeed. Or maybe men and women received cards with graphics on them, and you had to find the person with the matching card. Since no supermarkets had on-premises liquor licenses back then, those nights were alcohol-free. (Unlike today, when some higher-end supermarkets sell beer and wine that you can drink while shopping.)

Those singles' nights faded away very quickly. But in the light of this thread, it wouldn't be too difficult to resurrect them. Especially today, when young single people are moving to cities at astronomical rates. The only barriers to this is rampant paranoia in women toward young single men (read: beta males) and our society enabling it.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 29 Aug 2016, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Once again....it's not always necessarily "paranoia." Women -- just like any human being -- sometimes just want to go about their day. If one of them rejects a friendly approach it's not always "rampant paranoia" even if in some cases it might be. "Women" are not all the same and their reactions aren't all the same.

As for singles nights that are arranged -- nobody would be "paranoid" about being approached at a dedicated "night" because obviously that would be what they're there for.

At all other times in normal shopping hours, it would be more hit and miss because --- human beings are all different.

Aren't you taking this discussion to a really dark place? You can meet just as nutty people at the bar. I think I'd trust someone at the grocery store than a sleezeball at the bar - you already know what their plan is - get drunk and score. I've been on dating sites and they are meat markets - you shop for what you want. Gyms are the same thing. - meat markets. I really don't understand why one would discount grocery stores. You don't go there to hunt, if you happen to see someone then you try to talk to them. What is the big deal?

But a lot of times, there's fear based on previous experiences.

Don't forget that harassment and catcalling DO happen, and it's 99% of the times it's from a man to woman.

It's for that very reason I don't recommend men to initiate cold approach in super market.

Women can initiate it, and the targeted man would very unlikely to have developed a such fear before - because men...rarely experience to be catcalled/harassed by stranger women.

I always heard the old expression that grocery stores are literally a "meat market". Kidding aside, I think the idea of people meeting in public places is simply an outdated, old school way that simply doesn't apply to today's way of life. It's correct to assume that nowadays, most people in public go to stores not to be bothered but to get something done. I certainly wouldn't try to meet people at a supermarket when I know they went there to buy groceries, not to be hit on. I think finding places where meeting people is established and expected makes it easier, not that it ever gets easier for us.

Why must we drop all "old school" way of doing things?

Why is "new" equated totally with "novel, interesting, better than old?"

I happen to like the days when kids can go in the forest and be like Huck Finn. rather than be forced to be paranoid because perverts are around to take advantage of these Huck Finns.

It really hurts me that kids are sometimes forced to stay in their homes, rather than explore their neighborhood.

It's a real pity that parents have to be this vigilant over their kids---because of those few idiots who ruin it for everybody else.

My fondest wish is for us to go back to the days when kids were allowed to be Huck Finn, or MacGyver----both girls and boys.

I grew up with many girls who were very good at fixing things. Think Becky of "Tom Sawyer."

and things are changing very fast in that direction in front of our very eyes, I remember very well 5 years ago the gym was so social...I made a lot of buddies from both genders with ease, even 2 dates!

Today? Everyone is too focused on their training along with the smartphone/earphones and ZERO social interaction.
You can just feel that no one wants to be bothered.
The change is so phenomenal.

It's funny that the only members that they talk to me are the few members I knew from 4-5 years who still active in the gym.

This is normal, and I'm sure we all feel this way from time-to-time.

The problem is when the majority of young men and women today feel this way in the majority of scenarios and locations.

With the rise of cell phone usage, almost every man, woman and child aged 9-99 may be occupied on their phones now, and I've even seen and heard of some people choosing to go on their phone to avoid strangers approaching them on purpose, even if they're not doing anything on it.

Sure, you could argue that anyone absolutely stuck to their phone when out and about would probably not be interested in conversation anyway, so you should find someone that isn't, but I've noticed even people who would typically like to be approached will be stuck to their phone looking pi55ed off.

I consider(ed) it perfectly reasonable to not want to approach and chat to a girl if she's absolutely stuck to her phone to the point she can't admire beautiful nature if she's at a national park or beach or show any awareness of her surroundings whatsoever, but this is actually starting to feel like an unrealistic expectation to me.

And it seems when they're not on their phones, they're hanging out with an intimidatingly large amount of friends in a mixed sex group.

Seriously. I wish this was an exaggeration.

I rarely see girls or guys my age, not even young men or women aged 18-25, and when I do they're always in this mixed sex group and look content with the size of their friend group, or like you say look unfriendly and in a rush and clearly not wanting to be bothered.

I can't remember the last time I saw a young man or woman just sitting on a bench or chilling out somewhere, maybe reading, but not stuck on their damn phone and looking indifferent and unfriendly.

I don't even think I've actually seen a young man or woman at the beach just sitting on a bench, watching the sunset anymore. No cell phone, no sort of distraction.

I still do this kind of stuff all the time, watching the sunset and waves and just listening.

At the beach I like to go for solo walks and explorations, find new areas. A new hobby of mine is tree-climbing. I'll explore secluded spots to find suitable trees to try and climb as quickly and efficiently as possible as a test of strength. Whatever. It's fun and it's something different.

This has been the case in a variety of situations and scenarios from gyms, beaches, shopping malls, etc.

The consequence is most people only aiming to meet new people and/or be approached in a very limited range of activities, typically social or mutual interest based events. But since aspies tend to have obscure and unique interests, we may find it difficult to find any mutual interest events or groups.

We also tend to not like drinking at nightclubs and bars. That leaves a much, much smaller amount of places, but this could have been prevented if people were simply less closed-off and a little more friendly.

maybe when people say that they met someone at the supermarket they mean they met them (or first talked to them) when they were waiting in line at the cashier?

people talk to strangers in lines. because they're bored. it's a fact of nature. and supermarkets (or especially smaller grocery stores) are places where you end up seeing familiar faces. and people see what others are buying (lifestyle). and 90% of those first conversations that turn into relationships probably start with "do you want some help with that?" or "can you help me with this?"

those are all important elements of daily life and relationships, in plain sight for strangers to see and react to

Sounds kinda far fetched to me, then again I met my boyfriend on okcupid...aside from a guy in high school and a guy in college I've only ever gone out with guys I've met online. But I suppose it can happen, my sister met her boyfriend at work some kind of coffee shop or something and he was a customer.

Not sure if I hate grocery stores or wal-mart more, not only would I not like it if a random stranger tried making me talk to them, luckily that isn't something that really happens to me unless it's another metalhead complimenting whatever metal t-shirt I have on which doesn't really bother me. Also it makes it really hard for me to think/decide what things to get and compare prices with people walking around me, so then it takes me longer and then half the time I have to start over every time someone goes by or stops to look at something next to me because it distracts me. So to me sounds like a terrible place to meet someone.

I wonder are there people who enjoy grocery shopping?

I don't actually DISlike grocery shopping---but I don't go goo-goo over it, either.

I have spoken to people in supermarkets---but I've never gotten a date that way.

there are (yep. me)

but i don't think that's the point anyway. moments of boredom with people around you, or moments when you need small favors, are probably what makes the difference. it's a safe public space where you meet strangers without going out of your way

but definitely, it's not a place to look for anyone. it's just facilitated coincidences. "should i approach her?". if you're even asking yourself, then don't. but if you want to be open to extending trivial conversations, sure, there's nothing wrong with that

hmm interesting, I certainly cannot relate to that, I don't think I even got 200 messeges in total in the amount of time I was on a dating site, let alone at once. Also I certainly was not looking for 'the alph-est one'. I certainly got ghosted by plenty of guys even some I actually did meet and was foolish enough to think I actually had something good with, or broken up with /moved on from for in their eyes probably more attractive/better women.

You know sometimes the guys on those sites are jerks to, it's not always the woman being the jerk.