How to encourage proper communication

Page 3 of 6 [ 90 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

Drawyer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Away

03 Sep 2016, 7:32 pm

rdos wrote:
Drawyer wrote:
Rdos is actually a wizard..
You'd be surprised how many witches and wizards are NDs. It's a lot more likely to find an ND among those than among scientists. :mrgreen:
I agree. :mrgreen:


_________________
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are."


lidsmichelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

03 Sep 2016, 9:52 pm

Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Sep 2016, 3:04 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


I'd change that to "ND men prefer not to talk about their feelings". When pressured for it, they might do it even if they don't like it. And then you are trying to change them so they fit your preferences.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

04 Sep 2016, 3:38 am

OK. Does anyone have any links on communication they can share or factual information on communication that will actually help lidsmichelle? Or tips that have worked with you and your partner.

If not, please stop trying to push your agenda onto her.

Thank you.

Lidsmichelle I think you may have got some actual advice if you'd posted in the general autism section.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

04 Sep 2016, 3:50 am

rdos wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


I'd change that to "ND men prefer not to talk about their feelings". When pressured for it, they might do it even if they don't like it. And then you are trying to change them so they fit your preferences.


I think NT men don't like talking about their feelings, but don't Aspie men have a hard time figuring out what their feelings actually are?


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

04 Sep 2016, 3:54 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


Maybe it is "crap" with your boyfriend, but not with everyone. A lot of NT men can't talk about their feelings, so thinking that Aspie men have the same problem wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

04 Sep 2016, 4:00 am

hurtloam wrote:
OK. Does anyone have any links on communication they can share or factual information on communication that will actually help lidsmichelle? Or tips that have worked with you and your partner.

If not, please stop trying to push your agenda onto her.

Thank you.

Lidsmichelle I think you may have got some actual advice if you'd posted in the general autism section.


"If not, please stop trying to push your agenda onto her."

What does this mean? I believe when someone asks a question, then they should be accepting of any answer. Just disregard any that don't help. Everyone should be able to voice their thoughts.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

04 Sep 2016, 4:01 am

No one is offering any practical advice.

My comment was aimed at rdos and those engaging him



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

04 Sep 2016, 4:05 am

I don't think it's anyone's place to be a referee unless it's a moderator is what I'm saying. I'm sure you wouldn't like anyone telling you that your input is invalid. Everyone should be able to speak their mind as long as they are not being rude. I would think the same about you too.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Sep 2016, 4:13 am

Honestly, I think comparing his personality with the personalities of your friends' bfs won't end up well.

His personality is bottled up, you can't really change that much.



lidsmichelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

04 Sep 2016, 4:20 am

rdos wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


I'd change that to "ND men prefer not to talk about their feelings". When pressured for it, they might do it even if they don't like it. And then you are trying to change them so they fit your preferences.

Pressured. Nice assumption lol. You sure like projecting yourself onto other people and making assumptions.

And Boo, when did I compare him toy friend's boyfriend? I already know the two are nothing alike lol. And thank god for that. My friend's boyfriend is too much of a showboat for me. I mean I like him as a person but I couldn't date him.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


lidsmichelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

04 Sep 2016, 4:23 am

nurseangela wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


Maybe it is "crap" with your boyfriend, but not with everyone. A lot of NT men can't talk about their feelings, so thinking that Aspie men have the same problem wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.

They can't because of Western gender roles and assumptions, which they can unlearn and then learn proper communication. I don't feel bad for them at all or think of it as an excuse lol.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Sep 2016, 4:23 am

In one of your previous posts where you said how your friend and her bf sit down and discuss emotions.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Sep 2016, 4:31 am

Anyway if that's really a problem for you, then show him this thread and let him know exactly what is bothering you - I don't see how any external advice would help without letting him know what's you're perceiving as a problem.

That's the only way.



b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

04 Sep 2016, 4:33 am

Quote:
How to encourage proper communication

give everyone a loud hailer



lidsmichelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

04 Sep 2016, 4:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In one of your previous posts where you said how your friend and her bf sit down and discuss emotions.

Which was not me saying that they shared or should share personality traits. Actions one performs are not the same as personality traits. They may be forwarded by personality traits. Like practicality, which is something they have in common. It's practical to discuss those things, in order to keep things harmonious. Saying you should sit down and discuss emotions, expectations, and issues regularly to avoid things becoming problems is practical.

I do bottle my emotions and I find it especially practical because bottling never ends well. I end up resenting people because the issues build up. I'm trying to put us in a practical place to avoid that.

At any rate he's admitted he trusts me more than anyone else, feels emotionally secure around me (and that my presence makes him feel tranquil, which is something I feel the same about for him), and that he wishes we could be around each other even more often. Those were things he admitted on his own, in response to things I said in passing.

So I think it will be ok. I was concerned because I was going off what I knew of him three years ago. He was very shut off then.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


Last edited by lidsmichelle on 04 Sep 2016, 4:34 am, edited 1 time in total.