Break-up advice

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Maybe not now (in terms of the social aspect).....but I feel your intelligence will pay dividends later...if you allow it to.

When I was 22, I was living alone in an apartment with no TV and a mattress on the floor. I lived a "hand to mouth" existence, literally. I just went from one sensation to another sensation.

I had a job. But I had no desire to "better myself." I wanted to be some sort of writer--I wanted to live a sort of nomadic existence in my mind (if not my residence).

I had no idea about the meaning of friendship or of love---maybe a passing acquaintance, at the most!

As I grew older, though, I was able to use my intelligence to better myself in the social sphere. I made some concessions, and I didn't concede on other points.

At this point in time, I'm pretty much a "court jester," as far as what people's perceptions of me are. I am
"exempt" from participating in the social crap, yet I am seen as being something of a confidant at times.

Some court jesters, it should be remembers, were the trusted advisors of kings/queens.

I'm a data-entry operator. I'm fortunate that I'm a civil servant, and will, in 6 years, retire with a pension.

I'm sorry you were feeling so bad yesterday. I wasn't around much on WP to see this.

It's done me good to adopt the role of "eccentric." I realized it was futile to try to be "normal."

I guess, with effort, I could have done better with my life.

I sense that you are quite intelligent, and have potential. Maybe you're not ready for romance. Maybe your body is "telling you" to de-emphasize the sensuous and work more on the cerebral.

If you were "ready," your body would have "let you know it."

It almost seems like you're at a crossroads in your life; hence the stress.

You are feeling these intense emotions for either the first time, or you have experienced them under "easier" circumstances.

You are thinking about your future, and about how to break up with the guy you mentioned.

What you are feeling, actually, is not unusual with people who are at your point in life--whether neurotypical, or otherwise. The intensity of the feeling is not unusual, either.

I get the feeling that some sort of diversion, doing something that you enjoy, though it might not be "productive," might be at least a short-term solution to all this--it this is at all possible.

Paradoxically, I think the discord you are feeling might actually be good for you. I understand it might really stink right now; in fact I KNOW it does.

But being forced to deal with adversity is very instructive, and provides you with substance as a person which can only be augmented by your intelligence and your accumulated knowledge.

But hugs and support are also good, too.

You are absolutely right about finding a diversion, I started back at work today after my week off and I really enjoyed being able to distract myself for a few hours. It's hard because right now I have to keep constantly distracted; if I leave my mind to idle for 5 minutes I'm straight back to the intense feelings, so I've been forcing myself to find short-term diversions.

Is this intensity of feeling really normal? How do people do it?

I know I will benefit from all this some way in the long run. Right now it sucks but I'm trying to learn from it and be conscious of how and why I'm feeling this way. My tendency to be over-analytical is sometimes a weak point but of course you are right, if I apply myself to the situation I will learn something from it.

Right now I think what I've learned is that I was right about myself all along. I always thought I hadn't changed much over the course of my life, my peers changed as we got older but I didn't. Maybe that's why I'm asexual, and why I'm not equipped for or interested in many of the things other people are. At 18 my friend said I was like an "intelligent child"; she said I was "very smart but totally clueless in some areas" (it was said as a jokey insult). I think that's still me; maybe that's the 'finished product' of my personality? Maybe I won't ever be able to appreciate some adult things, or maybe I will with time. I suppose, even though this whole thing has made me feel truly awful and lost, it was good to experiment?

Right now, it's apparent that you're not interested in sex. But that doesn't mean you're a "child." You're mature in other ways. It could be that you might have not found the "right one" yet. This sort of thing happens with men and women. Count yourself lucky, in a sense.

My feeling is that you should not judge yourself based upon a lack of sexual feeling. It might, or might not, reveal itself in your life. As long as you're living a good life, and being decent to people, I wouldn't, like I mentioned, base my assessment of self-worth based upon sexual/asexual feelings.

You mentioned, in another thread, that you have visual hallucinations. Are they actually distressing to you, or is the fact that you are hallucinating distressing to you?

At times, if you, otherwise, are functioning in a way which is not injurious to yourself, or that you are not missing school/work because of it, that maybe you could even "use" your hallucinations for something useful....like in some sort of artistic production.

How much of a support system do you think you have?

My asexuality didn't bother me until I tried to build a romantic relationship. My shortcomings made me feel inadequate and it's affected my self-worth, however I can see myself getting back to a healthier level of self esteem with time. I know you're right, I shouldn't let it define me.

I'm glad you have us at WP, at least.

I know it's pretty late where you are. I hope you are able to sleep well tonight, and to wake up refreshed in the morning.

I hope you benefited from our company today and tonight.

It was nice talking to you. You have a nice, intelligent way of expressing yourself.

I'm glad I have WP too. I have definitely benefited from the help and advice of everybody here, I am very grateful to you all.

I hadn't noticed the time, I'd better get some sleep. I didn't get much last night so I'm pretty wired!

And it was nice talking to you too of course kraftie, you give wonderful, considered advice and you ask the right questions. Have a nice evening