So depressing.....

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How much fun do you really think the average romantic relationship is, past the wedding, honeymoon, and occasional anniversary? Especially if they have kids?

Considering the divorce rates, and the amount of completely dysfunctional couples I've encountered (including my parents) who put on a public facade of being 'madly in love' just to keep up appearances, I'd honestly estimate less than 5-10% of long-term relationships or marriages are anything like the "happily ever after" stuff of Disney movies.

don't believe facebook, folks. and by "facebook" i don't just mean actual facebook. i mean public façades in general. the happiest couples out there are probably the ones you don't hear about that often, or the ones who make it a point to be more inclusive of friends in different situations in life (and if most couples don't do that, it's simply because relationships are hard work. and some may not be willing to admit it, while others may be, but don't really have much spare time or energy)

lots of people over the years online and irl have told me that they envied me for being unattached from relationships, or unattached from a steady job. most of them knew of my actual history and current situation. i've been even backstabbed by some because of that envy (and it was explicitly because of it, it wasn't a theory of mine. "it's not fair", they'd say)

the grass is always greener on the other side. and it keeps being greener on the other side when you cross the fence. "happiness" never lasts. and i don't mean this as a pessimistic thing. it's a fundamental impossibility. because happiness is experienced by comparison. it's an essentially exceptional state. once you achieve something, you can't keep achieving it, you can only maintain it, which is never the same thing

pessimism is believing that life is supposed to be a steady stream of happiness, and that anyone actually does experience that, while you don't. many people constantly struggle to convince others that they do, but no one does. all you can really wish for in the long run is contentment. the hope for happiness is a fundamental motivation, but the expectation of happiness as something that ought to happen only brings frustration, which prevents contentment. "the search for happiness" is a human right, but happiness itself is a privilege, and that's the nature of things

tl;dr: happiness is experienced by comparison. so make sure you're making comparisons that make sense and which ideally bring you a balance between motivation and contentment. never compare your life to other people's facebook (or "facebook")

OK, I don't mean being in a couple is fun. I mean they went to a fun place that I wanted to go to. But they didn't invite me.

Mind you, fun is relative, this place may have bored you silly.

Believe it or not some people actually find happiness. Shock horror. Being pessimistic won't make me feel better, it'll just make me more depressed.

saying the same thing as i said using the same words but with different meanings (or vice-versa) doesn't make it the opposite of what i said. that's just indirection. words have several meanings, and i was clear enough about the meanigs i meant

That sounds like something from Alice in Wonderland

well who said i can't write poetry

There's a lot of truth in what anagram said, I think you should re-read it. Happiness isn't a constant state, emotions fluctuate.

Emotions fluctuate every minute sometimes.

I thought life was supposed to begin at 40, not *end* at it. Although the birthday supply stores with their non-Halloween gravestone and grim reaper decorations beg to differ.

But since nothing we do really matters because we're all going to die anyway and it'll be like we never lived why should I care I never fulfilled my hopes and dreams when just living peacefully on my own in an apartment was something I had to fight for? I know there are people out there with families and jobs and lots of money who would envy my having all this time and room to myself.

I was responding to Soulsparrer. I forgo to hit the quote button.

Ahh, got you.

yeah i was confused too

A lot of this, and this entire LTR/marriage discussion is subject to alot of variance in personal opinions, preferences and tolerances.

For me, I've never really had too many interests to pursue. Solitary things are completely unfulfilling to me 95% of the time... 100% if it's because I don't have another choice due to no one being around... It's like relationships and sex are my special interest. Even when I was a teenager, I was obsessed with the idea of having a girlfriend until I finally had one. I'm a needy, clingy person. So for me, my perspective is entirely different. Which is why relationships, while not for everyone, for others are sort of necessary for a content life... because it's what they really want.

Being forced to live with someone you cant stand is fine, provided it's a temporary phase and not permanent... all relationships have ups and downs... if you expect only the good with no bad along with it, you can gain nothing of any significance, especially as it pertains to people.

The idea of 'actual compatibility' is a fallacy, as I've discovered through my own personal experience. Now, granted this is my personal anecdote, but one wouldnt have to venture too far or look too hard to find similar ones.

My ex wife and I, when we were married were probably as compatible as two people could be. We were attracted to each other, had a good physical relationship, had extremely similar beliefs and perspectives, saw the same things in life, wanted the same things, had the same ideas of how things should be done and people should be treated, we had an almost identical sense of humor, and it's a bizarre one. We liked the same music (she had a far wider taste), liked the same movies, same temperature outside, talked the same, had the same mannerisms, it really was crazy as I now look back at it in a more retrospective way.

But we're now all but officially divorced (too distraught to file but Ive more or less been abandoned). It wasn't because we weren't really compatible, because anyone who saw us then or for a few years swore we were the greatest couple ever. We never fought, we visibly loved each other. But we grew apart. Or she changed in ways I didn't is probably a better way of putting it. Combine that with fragile emotions and human error, and it's done.

However none of this, to me, makes any of it not worth it because of how I'm wired emotionally. It's all worth it, even again, to risk being hurt, or even accepting it as an inevitability for the payoff that comes with it.

I think pessimist in most cases stems from the fact that people often think more about the things that went wrong rather than the ones that were good, and also they don't consider at all something bad that could have happened but didn't.

In some cases it can't be helped though. For example if you always had only abusive relationships you are likely to be pessimistic about love, and it is normal.