Moving at her pace?

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I think you've answered your own question with the last few posts. If you haven't bonded and aren't bonding, if you don't really enjoy each other's company, if you are doing all the legwork and getting no response...

I know in your earlier posts you said you wouldn't break up because you'd never find another girlfriend, but:
a) surely being in a negative relationship is worse than being single
b) you might meet someone else It's not impossible!

So, I guess now the question is, how do I break up with her without looking/feeling like a jerk about it? Do I do it over text? Call? In person? Should I feel bad about it?

That's up to you and how comfortable you feel. You're obviously an empathetic person because you've been trying to see her perspective. Since she doesn't like going out much, I don't think you are obligated to do it in person in this case.

Maybe give her a call? People will tell you not to do this stuff by text, and in most situations they're probably right, but since Kristin's not especially verbal I think text would be a viable option. That way she won't have to think of anything to say in response on the spot, and if she does want to reply then she has time to compose something.

You shouldn't feel bad about it. You gave it a shot and you've made many accommodations for her. Besides which, if dating isn't working for her and she doesn't know how to end it, then you might be giving her an out.

Hey dude, breaking up with this type of girls is the easiest thing in the world - believe me.

Do you know what you should do?

Nothing. literally.


Just stop messaging her and that's it, that all what you need to do - she won't even request a closure , she won't even try to reach you because...... she does not care.

Actually you can add fruit to oatmeal for a better taste...but a such personality....no, it's beyond repair.

Look, either she is acting like a total 10 years old jerk brat with you because she wants to reject you without confrontation, or she has a serious personality disorder or .....very seriously autistic, either way she is not "relationshipable" at all at this stage.

Cut your losses and get out, this is something which is impossible to work.

This! Completely agree

It's doesn't matter how just let her know why if that makes sense.

Well damn, I guess that settles that, if she'll 'never' come to your place or allow you at hers not sure how the relationship will ever progress. I mean I can understand wanting to get to know someone a bit before spending time at their place or having them over.

Right, so if I'm going to break up with her, is it okay for me to immediately start looking for a new girlfriend? Or is that considered distasteful or something? And if I do start looking for someone else... how do I find one? I found Kristin entirely by luck, because somebody who didn't want to date me hooked me up with someone who did. I don't do well going out and socializing, so online dating is pretty much my only option. And like I've said countless times before, I'm kind of a black sheep where I am. I like reading, writing, and playing video games. Pretty much everyone else, including the women, like hunting, fishing, watching football, and twingy twangy country music, and can't stand the thought of staying indoors on a warm day. There aren't any clubs or groups nearby for doing the things I like, so I never have much reason to leave my apartment. I don't have many friends, and none that I actually go and hang out with, so meeting people through them isn't an option.

These are all the reasons why I don't think I'm going to find a new girlfriend. But seriously, if you can, please prove me wrong.

Of course it is OK for you to start looking immediately. You weren't really involved anyway (I think people consider it distasteful if it was a major relationship) - but even then, you can do what you want.

As for finding someone else. I'm useless at social stuff too so I can't really help you there. Do you work/volunteer or something? If I didn't work I wouldn't socialise at all lol . Otherwise, how would you feel about sticking with online dating? It got you a girlfriend this time (in a roundabout way...); there's every chance it will work again. It's a shame there aren't any suitable clubs etc. in your area where you could meet a like-minded girl, but since such a girl is likely to be introverted anyway, you might find her online. After all, Kristin lives in the same apartment complex as you, right? There are probably more bookish/gamer type girls near you than you think - you just don't see them because (like you) they're indoors!

You know what's really unfortunate is that Kristin's roommate who introduced us, Bridget, seems like someone I'd actually love to date. She's fun, she loves to laugh, is easy to get along with, and attractive to boot. But she already told me she's not interested, and I doubt she'd be any more willing after I break up with her friend/roommate.

Are you sure we didn't date the same woman? (Just kidding; my college wasn't anywhere in Arkansas.) Mine was just like that: one-word answers, total lack of interest in exploring, picky food choices, and bad hugs. Although I'll give her credit for understanding my geeky math jokes. (I majored computer science, and she majored in accounting.) And I'll partially blame myself for lacking the social skills needed for coming up with interesting conversation topics. But either way, it was a very unsatisfying relationship that's affecting me to this day. Namely, it makes me scared to engage in any LTR, due to fear of how boring it's going to be, although seeing my friends' LTR's turn out similarly is adding fuel to the fire.

You probably won't find a new girlfriend soon, but anything is better than the girlfriend you're describing. She sounds more boring than reading a phone book, colder than the 2014 winter, and drier than the Sahara Desert. Not to mention how she said that you two will never visit each other at home. That's a clear signal that she's either not interested in you or has issues I wouldn't be comfortable dealing with. Be glad you saw her true colors sooner rather than later.

So, funny things are happening. I held off texting her today, and a little before noon she texted me first. She was asking what I wanted to do for our next date. I suggested we go for a hike at a nice nature trail I know of. She agreed, and then suggested that I drive us both there. I've decided that I'll go on at least one more date with her to see if she's really opening up to me.

... alternatively, she's not reading this thread, is she? Because that'd be awkward.

well at least if she was she would understand how you are feeling! I hope it goes well and she does open up to you. Hopefully a quiet non busy spot will make her more comfortable. I get the feeling that she has no clue how to act in or deal with a relationship

I am glad you were able to resist to text her first, that was my initial advice in your other thread.

LESSON TO GUYS: You see guys? Don't ever text a girl everyday, hold off a bit, don't make yourself too available for them, don't make them to take you for granted - make them wonder- set certain principles in your mind like "I've initiated contact the first 4 times before, now it's her turn to initiate contact, if she cares she will, I won't initiate this time never ever!" and act on this principle - don't even deviate from it.

A little advice for you ThisAdamGuy, this time...wait for her to start the talk while you being the listener.

And if she is like wanting to go home after half of hour, don't beg her to stay, - be like "That's great, I have other plans anyway for today" .

You just pointed out the mistakes I made in my first relationship, and ThisAdamGuy's mistakes look pretty damn similar. I called my girlfriend daily, to ask about her day, and I was always the one calling. (It was in 2002; texting was infrequent back then.) I also accommodated her by taking a city bus to the satellite campus where she took some of her classes, so she wouldn't have to travel to see me. (The bus ran though very safe neighborhoods.) Asking her to call me or visit me instead never occurred to me. Why not? Out of misguided, desperation-driven loyalty! As well as having picked up the idea that always doing things for her was "my duty as a dedicated boyfriend", and refusing meant losing her. (I think I got those ideas from 90's-era teenage sitcoms, and I still kick myself for watching them.)

In the end, she took me for granted and eventually lost interest. Heck, even the hugs she gave me were woefully unsatisfying. Of course, I settled with my first girlfriend for pretty much one reason and one reason only: I didn't have a car back then, and she was the first girl who said she didn't care and was cool with riding buses. (By contrast, my platonic female friend today gives really nice hugs. Ironically, she's not cool with public transit, because she gets motion sick on trains.)