Should me and my ex-GF go to couples counseling?
Campin_Cat
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11 Nov 2016, 9:13 pm
ironpony wrote:
I got mad and cried and slapped her, after she told me she cheated.
Wait----wait----go back----let's try this again, please.....
Take us back to this specific event (when you slapped her), again, please.....
1. What, EXACTLY, led-up to her telling you she cheated?
2. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta YOUR mouth, after she told you?
3. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta HER mouth, after the FIRST thing outta yours?
4. What, EXACTLY, was the LAST thing SHE said, before you slapped her?
(I know you're feeling ashamed, but you're gonna have to tell us EVERYTHING, regarding this specific event, if you want us to try and help you.)
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
11 Nov 2016, 9:24 pm
ironpony wrote:
I didn't tell my mom cause i was embarrassed to tell her that my gf cheated. I did tell I slapped her though, but didn't say what it was over.
If your mom continues to interfere and whine maybe you should tell her, I don't know. Or just tell her to shut the hell up and mind her business.
12 Nov 2016, 12:25 am
Campin_Cat wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I got mad and cried and slapped her, after she told me she cheated.
Wait----wait----go back----let's try this again, please.....
Take us back to this specific event (when you slapped her), again, please.....
1. What, EXACTLY, led-up to her telling you she cheated?
2. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta YOUR mouth, after she told you?
3. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta HER mouth, after the FIRST thing outta yours?
4. What, EXACTLY, was the LAST thing SHE said, before you slapped her?
(I know you're feeling ashamed, but you're gonna have to tell us EVERYTHING, regarding this specific event, if you want us to try and help you.)
I am not sure why she told me that she cheated at that time. She told me later that on, that she told me cause she felt bad about it. I don't remember what lead her to tell me at that time though. I honestly to do not remember the specific conversation that took place prior to the cheating. I don't remember the first thing out of my mouth either. I asked why she did it, and told her I was mad, and upset, but do not remember the exact phrasing of the words, as I was saying a lot in anger, over it.
I don't remember the first thing out of her mouth either, after she told me. We had talked and argued a lot after she told me about the situation, but cannot remember what she said. She said she felt like she had to tell me and that she was sorry that she kept it in for so long, but I don't remember anything more right now.
I don't remember. I remember the general mishap, and what is was over, but do not remember the exact words exchanged.
AngelRho
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12 Nov 2016, 6:55 am
Peacesells wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I didn't tell my mom cause i was embarrassed to tell her that my gf cheated. I did tell I slapped her though, but didn't say what it was over.
If your mom continues to interfere and whine maybe you should tell her, I don't know. Or just tell her to shut the hell up and mind her business.
^^^This.
AngelRho
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12 Nov 2016, 1:36 pm
Campin_Cat wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I got mad and cried and slapped her, after she told me she cheated.
Wait----wait----go back----let's try this again, please.....
Take us back to this specific event (when you slapped her), again, please.....
1. What, EXACTLY, led-up to her telling you she cheated?
2. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta YOUR mouth, after she told you?
3. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta HER mouth, after the FIRST thing outta yours?
4. What, EXACTLY, was the LAST thing SHE said, before you slapped her?
(I know you're feeling ashamed, but you're gonna have to tell us EVERYTHING, regarding this specific event, if you want us to try and help you.)
Not quite sure I see the point. He yelled at her. He slapped her. End of story. If that's what we can expect from a relationship, I'm pretty sure one or both of them has some prison time in their future.
The best thing that can happen is they both take a step back and admit to themselves nothing good can come from this relationship. Let's face it, she doesn't seem to care that he slapped her or yelled at her. She's mad because HE walked away. She was perfectly fine to cheat on him herself. But HE leaves HER??? Aw, HECK naw!! !
Admittedly we're only getting his side and making some assumptions. But still, she cheats, he hits. They're both bad for each other. Case dismissed.
12 Nov 2016, 2:02 pm
Well my gf keeps telling me she loves and she wants to work at the relationship and she is open to changing, since I told her the reason why I was breaking up with because she was being manipulative, and people have told me on here, in the previous threads.
And my Mom and sister, think I should try their couple's counseling idea, since it worked wonders for couples they know.
So the question is, if it's true that my gf was being manipulative as I was told, if she really loves me, can that change?
Plus you say you are only getting my side and making assumptions, but I have shared all the information from the past problems, that I can recall, and the previous threads I linked in the OP, explained a lot more. So I have attempted to explain it all, so there is not only one side to the story, and tried to explain her side as much as I could interpret.
Campin_Cat
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12 Nov 2016, 9:13 pm
AngelRho wrote:
Campin_Cat wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I got mad and cried and slapped her, after she told me she cheated.
Wait----wait----go back----let's try this again, please.....
Take us back to this specific event (when you slapped her), again, please.....
1. What, EXACTLY, led-up to her telling you she cheated?
2. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta YOUR mouth, after she told you?
3. What, EXACTLY, was the FIRST thing outta HER mouth, after the FIRST thing outta yours?
4. What, EXACTLY, was the LAST thing SHE said, before you slapped her?
(I know you're feeling ashamed, but you're gonna have to tell us EVERYTHING, regarding this specific event, if you want us to try and help you.)
Not quite sure I see the point.
Well, no.4 was the most important question to be answered, IMO, because I have known several women, in person, who have PURPOSELY provoked men into hitting them, so they could PURPOSELY call the cops and make trouble / revel in a drama / whatever----or, at the very least, tell all their friends what a horrible person their husband / bf / SO is, to garner attention.
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
Campin_Cat
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12 Nov 2016, 10:03 pm
ironpony wrote:
So the question is, if it's true that my gf was being manipulative as I was told, if she really loves me, can that change?
No----cuz she doesn't really love you; you're just "the man of the minute", so-to-speak.
I know how badly that sucks-rocks----but, here's the thing..... If she truly loved you----TRULY loved you----she would not manipulate you, as often as she does; it's actually, kinda, vicious. Now, I know we all play little games with our SOs----but, for-the-most-part, they're harmless; like, talking our SO into seeing a certain movie, we really wanna see, or something like that----not earth-shattering / personality-changing / submissiveness-inducing / whatever.
IIRC, you said yourself that you were often trying to get her to be independent----that, to ME, is love; it's saying that you want to see her be strong, be able to plan her own life, make good decisions, be confident, and stuff like that. She doesn't seem to be thinking of YOU, like that----I mean, look it..... A PRIME example, IMO, would be when she said she told you that she cheated, because she felt bad; that is, IMO, a selfish thing to do. (I told my fiancée [when I had one] that if he ever cheated on me, to not tell me, because "Don't ruin MY life, just cuz you can't handle the guilt".)
Here's a test, for you..... Get-out a piece of paper----fold it in half vertically (then, open it back up)----on the left side of the paper, write all the things that she has done, that you would consider "nice" (flattering / uplifting words / compliments, a teddy bear w/ a heart, getting you something you've been really wanting to get for yourself, a surprise treat to your favorite restaurant, or whatever); then, on the right side, write-down anything that you can think-of immediately PREceding OR PROceeding the "gift", that could be construed as a reason FOR the gift----IOW, people like who I perceive her to be, don't do nice things, for no reason; so, if she surprised you by treating you to your favorite restaurant, did she, while you were there, steer the conversation around to discussing all her money troubles, for instance, and you started feeling like maybe you should help her with that / help ease her worries, cuz she was really thoughtful in doing this thing for you (this is just an example of the types of things you should write-down----you, of course, will write ACTUAL things, that happened).
Now, after you've searched your brain, 'til it bleeds (not literal), and written everything you can think-of, read everything you just wrote..... How many things on the LEFT side, do NOT have a corresponding thing on the RIGHT side? If the answer is "none"----or, "very few"----then, that's the answer to the kind of person she is----the REAL reason why she does the things she does. Does she TRULY do things, JUST to be nice----OR, is she doing nice things, for her own personal gain? Only YOU can decide!
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
14 Nov 2016, 2:17 am
Quote:
Well, no.4 was the most important question to be answered, IMO, because I have known several women, in person, who have PURPOSELY provoked men into hitting them, so they could PURPOSELY call the cops and make trouble / revel in a drama / whatever----or, at the very least, tell all their friends what a horrible person their husband / bf / SO is, to garner attention.
Well I didn't mention it before, because I didn't think people would believe, me and I didn't want to sound too bad, but I think it's possible that she might have baited me into slapping her on some level.
Basically after telling me she cheated, I kept telling her I felt so mad, and I told her I felt like hitting her. I didn't want to of course. But she told after, and that she deserved it.
Could this be her telling me too, in order to make me feel guilty after? Cause if so, it worked for sure. I know it sounds bad, and I didn't say it before, cause I didn't think people would believe me, if I said that she said that. I don't want to save face, and want to take accountability, for what I did wrong.
Campin_Cat
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14 Nov 2016, 1:34 pm
ironpony and Campin_Cat wrote:
Campin_Cat wrote:
Well, no.4 was the most important question to be answered, IMO, because I have known several women, in person, who have PURPOSELY provoked men into hitting them, so they could PURPOSELY call the cops and make trouble / revel in a drama / whatever----or, at the very least, tell all their friends what a horrible person their husband / bf / SO is, to garner attention.
Well I didn't mention it before, because I didn't think people would believe, me and I didn't want to sound too bad, but I think it's possible that she might have baited me into slapping her on some level.
Well, I would say if that little voice inside of you, is telling you she instigated it, that little voice is correct.
Basically after telling me she cheated, I kept telling her I felt so mad, and I told her I felt like hitting her. I didn't want to of course. But she told after, and that she deserved it.
Well, the FIRST thing you did wrong, was telling her you felt like hitting her----cuz, it's part of a narcissist's MO, to gather information to use against you. The SECOND thing you did wrong, of course, was actually slapping her----but, I'll get to that, in-a-minute.
Lastly, there are, IMO, two types of women that say "That's okay----I deserved it". One, is a woman who doesn't know / doesn't want to accept, that she's being abused, cuz she doesn't have anywhere else to go, for instance. The second type of woman who says that, is one who wants to put a guilt-trip on the person who just treated her badly, so he'll be more submissive, the next time (I, of course, think she's this last type).
Could this be her telling me too, in order to make me feel guilty after? Cause if so, it worked for sure. I know it sounds bad, and I didn't say it before, cause I didn't think people would believe me, if I said that she said that. I don't want to save face, and want to take accountability, for what I did wrong.
Yes, I think she was trying to make you feel guilty.
What you did WRONG, was slapping her----cuz, NObody should ever do that, to another person----BUT, one can only take so much manipulation / lies / provocation / etc. That's NOT excusing your behavior, it's just letting you know that I, for one, don't feel you're 100 percent, at fault. The only accountability you have to take, IMO, is LEARNING / growing, from it. I assume you've already apologized to HER, cuz you said she said "I deserved it"; so, the only thing you have to do, NOW, is forgive YOURSELF, and make sure you never let anyone drive you to such-a-thing, AGAIN.
Here's some more questions to ask yourself (you don't have to answer them on here, if you don't want to):
1. Have you ever hit someone, BEFORE, out of anger----whether it was so extreme that you were shaking all-over, and wanted to put their head through a wall; or, because you got so frustrated because someone wasn't listening to you / considering your feelings / letting you have your way, about something?
2. It's very difficult to let-go of someone one loves----ESPECIALLY, for us ASDers, cuz relationships for us, are much more difficult to come-by / keep..... Ask yourself if you are less willing to let-go because you're afraid you'll never have another gf.
3. Ask yourself / write a list of all things you want out of a relationship, including the kinds of things that you want to GIVE, as well as the kinds of things you want to GET----and, I don't mean shallow things, like you want a girl with big boobs.
4. Lastly, make a list of what you feel you've learned from this relationship----that includes the things you perceived as her doing things to manipulate you, bend to her will, make you fall in-line, etc., and things that you wish you shoulda / woulda / coulda done better. The reason for writing-down things that SHE did wrong, is so you can recognize these things alot sooner, the next time; and, of course, the reason for you to write what YOU did wrong, is to ensure your growth, as a human being.
(Note: I suggest, alot, to write things down, cuz it's always helped ME to organize my thoughts----and then, I can look at it, days / weeks / hours later, after (or, during) I've processed everything, and I can add / delete things, as needed.)
Bottom line: If you have NOT gone back to her yet, please DON'T----if, for no other reason, but because this relationship is NOT healthy, and the amount of time / head-space / money / so-forth that it would cost you for therapy (unless it's for you, SINGULARLY) is MUCH more than the relationship is WORTH.
I know you love her, but the horrible feelings you're feeling, letting her go, are MUCH LESS than the horrible feelings you'll be having next year / a decade from now / whatever, when you decide you can't take it anymore. What if you have a couple of kids, by then----and, she WILL want kids, cuz that'll give her that much more power in her overall plan for hog-tying you----would you really wanna put them through what you've been going-through?
If you HAVE already gone back to her, I'll echo a previously-posted sentiment----RUN!! Run, FAST----run, FAR!!
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
15 Nov 2016, 1:17 pm
Okay thanks. When I said I felt like hitting her, I didn't mean it as a MO to get information, I just said it cause I was angry, and wanted her to understand my feelings. Not that that makes it right of course. I still shouldn't have done it.
Yes I apologized to her literally everyday since that happened a few months ago, cause I felt so bad about it. To answer your other questions:
1. The only time I have ever hit someone before was when I was about 11. There as a bully picking on me all the time in school, and I eventually snapped and hit him after, I had enough. But I haven't hit someone out of anger since then, up till a few months ago.
2. I am not afraid of getting another gf. I think it is possible. But after making mistakes in the past, I am afraid of making future mistakes. Mainly in the past I have made mistakes including bad career choices, and that fear of making mistakes, perhaps may have transferred over to relationships. I am afraid of making bad life mistakes in general now. I am confident of getting other women. I have done it before, but a lot of times women are looking for flings, short term relationships, or maybe long term but it doesn't work out. I felt I had a lot in common with her. But I could get other dates if I wanted to and am confident in that department alone.
3. Yes I can write down all the things I want in a relationship.
4. I can make a list of things I have learned from this one as well. I actually have been replaying a lot of the things that she didn't agree with her things that upset her in this relationship, and I replayed in my mind how I think she should have reacted and felt towards me in those situations. But I don't want a girl to have to agree with everyone that I am and submit to me as well, if I am doing something that is too much about me either, if that makes sense.
I haven't gone back to her. She keeps emailing me telling me how I am her soulmate and how she cannot eat and keep any food down, since I have left. She keeps wanting me to give me another chance, and is willing to be okay with the things that she was not before, which I felt was a good sign maybe. But I have not gone back to her. But I cannot help but feel sorry for both of us, and feel compelled to do something to get her to move on, or make her feel better, since she is taking it so roughly.
What do you think?
Campin_Cat
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15 Nov 2016, 7:04 pm
ironpony and Campin_Cat wrote:
Okay thanks. When I said I felt like hitting her, I didn't mean it as a MO to get information, I just said it cause I was angry, and wanted her to understand my feelings. Not that that makes it right of course. I still shouldn't have done it.
Oh, I didn't mean that YOU were gathering information----I meant that when you told her, you wanted to hit her, SHE would use that against you; it made you SUPER-vulnerable, because then she knew what buttons to press, in the future.
Yes I apologized to her literally everyday since that happened a few months ago, cause I felt so bad about it.
Okay, you've got to STOP that, IMMEDIATELY----cuz, again, that "arms" her; she knows that all she ever has to do, is say: "Oh yeah, remember that time you hit me?", and she'll get you to bend to her will, very easily.
To answer your other questions:
1. The only time I have ever hit someone before was when I was about 11. There as a bully picking on me all the time in school, and I eventually snapped and hit him after, I had enough. But I haven't hit someone out of anger since then, up till a few months ago.
That's fine----bet he never bullied you, again!
2. I am not afraid of getting another gf. I think it is possible. But after making mistakes in the past, I am afraid of making future mistakes. Mainly in the past I have made mistakes including bad career choices, and that fear of making mistakes, perhaps may have transferred over to relationships. I am afraid of making bad life mistakes in general now. I am confident of getting other women. I have done it before, but a lot of times women are looking for flings, short term relationships, or maybe long term but it doesn't work out. I felt I had a lot in common with her. But I could get other dates if I wanted to and am confident in that department alone.
That's understandable----anytime one makes a bad choice (whether, regarding a career or relationship, or anything else), it'll make them gun-shy the next time, around.
3. Yes I can write down all the things I want in a relationship.
Okay, good----I hope it helps you as much as it's helped me, when I've had to figure-out stuff.
4. I can make a list of things I have learned from this one as well. I actually have been replaying a lot of the things that she didn't agree with her things that upset her in this relationship, and I replayed in my mind how I think she should have reacted and felt towards me in those situations. But I don't want a girl to have to agree with everyone that I am and submit to me as well, if I am doing something that is too much about me either, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I totally get what you're saying----it's no fun being with someone who doesn't have their own mind, goals, dreams, etc.
It's good that you've been replaying everything, cuz that's the only way, IMO, to figure things out. I always suggest writing things down, cuz it involves more of our senses----you SEE your thoughts, more clearly; you have the FEEL of the paper and pen (or, whatever instrument you choose); and, to me, it is a more organized way to engage you cognitively, and hopefully, you'll remember it better.
I haven't gone back to her. She keeps emailing me telling me how I am her soulmate and how she cannot eat and keep any food down, since I have left. She keeps wanting me to give me another chance, and is willing to be okay with the things that she was not before, which I felt was a good sign maybe. But I have not gone back to her. But I cannot help but feel sorry for both of us, and feel compelled to do something to get her to move on, or make her feel better, since she is taking it so roughly.
I feel badly for both of you, TOO----but, here's the thing..... She would sell her own MOTHER down-the-river, to get back with you (meaning, she would tell you ANYTHING). She's most probably lying about the not being able to keep food down, and stuff----that's pretty much a "standard line", for any girl that gets dumped (even, some guys).
Here's the thing, with narcs..... They've always got someone waiting-in-the-wings; and, it's quite possible that the only reason she's working so hard to get you back, is cuz she's already trained you----with somebody else, she'll have to start all-over, from scratch.
The only thing you can do, IMO, is to STOP ALL COMMUNICATIONS, with her. You have to think of YOURSELF, as well----emailing, isn't helping YOU move-on, EITHER; and, your feeling like you should do something to help her..... Isn't that the way you ALWAYS feel, after talking to her? She knows----she knows what buttons to push----she knows the way you think----she KNOWS what'll make you give-in----cuz, look at how long / how many times, she's been successful in getting you to bend to her, over the course of your relationship.
As for you being her soulmate..... I doubt if she has any idea what her soul FEELS, cuz everything she feels is from her interactions with other people----people whom she has manipulated into being her BRAIN'S ideal. She "manufactures" every relationship, every situation, every outcome, every emotional response, etc., etc., etc.----from, not only other people, but from HERSELF, as well. She's living a lie, really, cuz she's NOT gonna look in the mirror----she's not gonna explore HERSELF, cuz that's entirely too much work, and she'll NEVER take the responsibility for the role SHE plays, in when things go wrong.
Here's you some more homework:
This is professional advice, for dealing with a narc.
http://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/
This is a blogger that I really like (this link was given to me by a very caring WPer).
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/06/best-of-posts-on-narcissists-suck.html
I suggest you go to this first link in this pair, so you can understand all the abbreviations, on the second link. I really like this place, cuz there's no bf-bashing----just help, and being able to get things off your chest.
http://outofthefog.website/glossary/
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=dfa4u4pr4bfm64lj26mnrcvg40&board=8.0
Now, you may feel like you don't need any help----or, that you'd rather wait until you've got a better grip, or whatever (though, this last pair of links, would help you get "there", more quickly)----and, that's totally fine; but, at least now you've got a place / articles to help you, when you want / are ready, to explore this "phenomenon" (narcissism), more.
Also, do NOT tell her you think she is a narcissist!! I PROMISE you that she will NOT listen, and that she will turn everything around on YOU, and make everything bad, that happened between the two of you, YOUR FAULT!! Don't think "Aww, she wouldn't do that"----that's what EVERY victim of a narcissist says, and every victim has been WRONG, for thinking that!!
Oh, I didn't mean that YOU were gathering information----I meant that when you told her, you wanted to hit her, SHE would use that against you; it made you SUPER-vulnerable, because then she knew what buttons to press, in the future.
Yes I apologized to her literally everyday since that happened a few months ago, cause I felt so bad about it.
Okay, you've got to STOP that, IMMEDIATELY----cuz, again, that "arms" her; she knows that all she ever has to do, is say: "Oh yeah, remember that time you hit me?", and she'll get you to bend to her will, very easily.
To answer your other questions:
1. The only time I have ever hit someone before was when I was about 11. There as a bully picking on me all the time in school, and I eventually snapped and hit him after, I had enough. But I haven't hit someone out of anger since then, up till a few months ago.
That's fine----bet he never bullied you, again!
2. I am not afraid of getting another gf. I think it is possible. But after making mistakes in the past, I am afraid of making future mistakes. Mainly in the past I have made mistakes including bad career choices, and that fear of making mistakes, perhaps may have transferred over to relationships. I am afraid of making bad life mistakes in general now. I am confident of getting other women. I have done it before, but a lot of times women are looking for flings, short term relationships, or maybe long term but it doesn't work out. I felt I had a lot in common with her. But I could get other dates if I wanted to and am confident in that department alone.
That's understandable----anytime one makes a bad choice (whether, regarding a career or relationship, or anything else), it'll make them gun-shy the next time, around.
3. Yes I can write down all the things I want in a relationship.
Okay, good----I hope it helps you as much as it's helped me, when I've had to figure-out stuff.
4. I can make a list of things I have learned from this one as well. I actually have been replaying a lot of the things that she didn't agree with her things that upset her in this relationship, and I replayed in my mind how I think she should have reacted and felt towards me in those situations. But I don't want a girl to have to agree with everyone that I am and submit to me as well, if I am doing something that is too much about me either, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I totally get what you're saying----it's no fun being with someone who doesn't have their own mind, goals, dreams, etc.
It's good that you've been replaying everything, cuz that's the only way, IMO, to figure things out. I always suggest writing things down, cuz it involves more of our senses----you SEE your thoughts, more clearly; you have the FEEL of the paper and pen (or, whatever instrument you choose); and, to me, it is a more organized way to engage you cognitively, and hopefully, you'll remember it better.
I haven't gone back to her. She keeps emailing me telling me how I am her soulmate and how she cannot eat and keep any food down, since I have left. She keeps wanting me to give me another chance, and is willing to be okay with the things that she was not before, which I felt was a good sign maybe. But I have not gone back to her. But I cannot help but feel sorry for both of us, and feel compelled to do something to get her to move on, or make her feel better, since she is taking it so roughly.
I feel badly for both of you, TOO----but, here's the thing..... She would sell her own MOTHER down-the-river, to get back with you (meaning, she would tell you ANYTHING). She's most probably lying about the not being able to keep food down, and stuff----that's pretty much a "standard line", for any girl that gets dumped (even, some guys).
Here's the thing, with narcs..... They've always got someone waiting-in-the-wings; and, it's quite possible that the only reason she's working so hard to get you back, is cuz she's already trained you----with somebody else, she'll have to start all-over, from scratch.
The only thing you can do, IMO, is to STOP ALL COMMUNICATIONS, with her. You have to think of YOURSELF, as well----emailing, isn't helping YOU move-on, EITHER; and, your feeling like you should do something to help her..... Isn't that the way you ALWAYS feel, after talking to her? She knows----she knows what buttons to push----she knows the way you think----she KNOWS what'll make you give-in----cuz, look at how long / how many times, she's been successful in getting you to bend to her, over the course of your relationship.
As for you being her soulmate..... I doubt if she has any idea what her soul FEELS, cuz everything she feels is from her interactions with other people----people whom she has manipulated into being her BRAIN'S ideal. She "manufactures" every relationship, every situation, every outcome, every emotional response, etc., etc., etc.----from, not only other people, but from HERSELF, as well. She's living a lie, really, cuz she's NOT gonna look in the mirror----she's not gonna explore HERSELF, cuz that's entirely too much work, and she'll NEVER take the responsibility for the role SHE plays, in when things go wrong.
Here's you some more homework:
This is professional advice, for dealing with a narc.
http://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/
This is a blogger that I really like (this link was given to me by a very caring WPer).
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/06/best-of-posts-on-narcissists-suck.html
I suggest you go to this first link in this pair, so you can understand all the abbreviations, on the second link. I really like this place, cuz there's no bf-bashing----just help, and being able to get things off your chest.
http://outofthefog.website/glossary/
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=dfa4u4pr4bfm64lj26mnrcvg40&board=8.0
Now, you may feel like you don't need any help----or, that you'd rather wait until you've got a better grip, or whatever (though, this last pair of links, would help you get "there", more quickly)----and, that's totally fine; but, at least now you've got a place / articles to help you, when you want / are ready, to explore this "phenomenon" (narcissism), more.
Also, do NOT tell her you think she is a narcissist!! I PROMISE you that she will NOT listen, and that she will turn everything around on YOU, and make everything bad, that happened between the two of you, YOUR FAULT!! Don't think "Aww, she wouldn't do that"----that's what EVERY victim of a narcissist says, and every victim has been WRONG, for thinking that!!
