06 Apr 2017, 1:14 pm
rdos wrote:
Infatuation is one of the strongest emotions, so if you have an infatuation, you already have the emotion of love, whether you identify it as an emotion or not.
I'm not sure who you addressed with that comment. As I said, I have never had real infatuation about anyone. Just a very short lasting something that did not connect to my intellectual side at all so I didn't feel and imagine the things that I read infatuation entails, e.g. overvalue the person in that emotional way. I can't imagine things like this until I checked out compatibility in real life. No rosy glasses here
Btw, I read alexithymia is also linked with sexual difficulties - I don't really understand that part. I have no difficulties there, however it's not very emotional stuff for me, and I have read about how sex is emotional for others beyond just the physical side of the desire and pleasure. I find it hard to imagine connecting the two... I suppose it would need infatuation?
06 Apr 2017, 1:16 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:19 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:22 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:24 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:28 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:34 pm
Keigan wrote:
Quote:
Um, you actually feel a lot then despite being alexithymic, no? And apparently you do feel your emotions in your body.
I used language to expand upon for the example, though not so much of a feeling. Really easy to start a sentence with "I feel" though I almost never use those words in any situation. I use "I see", "I hear" around a logical and rational representation - you can see it in my writing.
The parts on "warm moments of happiness" and the like sounded like real feeling, and the parts on feeling the weight of an emotion (frustration) and feeling grounded, feeling comfort and the heart rate stuff sounded like connecting emotion to bodily sensations. Anyway, I guess you rarely get these if your default is neutral (like me).
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My relationship with my female is not common, it is based upon clearly defined roles between male and female. Sex is very primal within nature - i'll pause there.
OK, I think I get you, I have that er, natural instinct too
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If I understand you correctly - I'd say maturity and preservation of self worth
Sounds like you do it out of principle then.
Keigan wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
Your descriptions also make me think you could additionally fit Schizoid personality disorder (SPD). Since you don't have the desire to connect in a relationship, you just think you are supposed to fit in. That to me sounds SPD and not just alexithymia. I could be totally wrong though.
Not connecting is an ASD trait that in my case is potentially exasbarated by the Alexithymia. At the moment I'm following my DNA and therapy that I have experienced through life, the Neanderthal genes in my DNA don't support SPD - though I would entertain some discovery on the topic in a professional setting. Thanks.
Well I did start my thread by asking about whether my issue with inability to feeling the connection is an AS trait... so you say it is. Humm. SPD of course goes beyond that, it's complete indifference for relationships. Though some literature on SPD claims the schizoid individual can feel the desire in fantasy, just hides it with the indifference in relationships.
I don't think SPD has anything to do with neanderthal genes, tbh.
In any case, good luck to discovering more about yourself! One last thing I'd be curious about, did I understand you correctly with my interpretation that you didn't get positively affected at all by your partners's emotional expressions even during your "infatuation with the concept" phase?
06 Apr 2017, 1:43 pm
[b][i][i]
itsme82 wrote:
Anngables wrote:
Hi ITsme . . .. . Which bits do you find difficult to relate to. No I've never had reason to suspect any schizoid personality disorder.
Your friend seems to lack any caring for reciprocity in a way I don't.
Why not check the possibility of SPD for him?
He doesn't fit being cold and aloof or having an inner fantasy world. He is very sociable but struggles when I have expectations of constant reaffirmation of feelings or discussions of emotions. I am extremely sensitive, emotional and intense. We often laugh that a worse match would be difficult to find. However I do believe we both care for each other . . .. . . . . .as a result of the conversations on here I text him. He responded within 5 minutes.
We are all different. We are all a little weird, but as long as we keep trying to understand each other the world will be a better place
06 Apr 2017, 1:45 pm
Anngables wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
Anngables wrote:
Hi ITsme . . .. . Which bits do you find difficult to relate to. No I've never had reason to suspect any schizoid personality disorder.
Your friend seems to lack any caring for reciprocity in a way I don't.
Why not check the possibility of SPD for him?
He doesn't fit being cold and aloof or having an inner fantasy world. He is very sociable but struggles when I have expectations of constant reaffirmation of feelings or discussions of emotions. I am extremely sensitive, emotional and intense. We often laugh that a worse match would be difficult to find. However I do believe we both care for each other . . .. . . . . .as a result of the conversations on here I text him. He responded within 5 minutes.
We are all different. We are all a little weird, but as long as we keep trying to understand each other the world will be a better place
I thought I saw another post of yours somewhere that talked about how your friend stopped doing things for you that he used to do initially. But ok, it was just a suggestion.
06 Apr 2017, 1:49 pm
06 Apr 2017, 1:58 pm
06 Apr 2017, 2:00 pm
Anngables wrote:
He has . . . . .he used to text every night good night and more often during the day . . .. . .. . . However I realise that possibly this was a pain for him (after reading everyone's responses) Just wondering why would that make you think SPD? I think either a) he feels more secure within our friendship and doesn't feel the need to do so much reassuring b) he no longer cares as much . . .. . .. .
Just as differential diagnosis for alexithymia
It doesn't mean he has to have it. Maybe I was also thinking of it reading your descriptions on how much you got affected by his seeming indifference (or whatever it was). But yeah, forget about it if it doesn't fit him.
06 Apr 2017, 2:04 pm
06 Apr 2017, 2:11 pm
06 Apr 2017, 6:19 pm
Keigan wrote:
Quote:
One last thing I'd be curious about, did I understand you correctly with my interpretation that you didn't get positively affected at all by your partners's emotional expressions even during your "infatuation with the concept" phase?
From an intellectual perspective yes, otherwise no feeling. That is my biggest challenge, my foundation of coping mechanisms is so effective that it is hard to desern. My speaking is always "I think" with a logical and rational explanation that is expressed flat, not "I feel" expressed with influx / flare / drama.
I see... I relate to you with the "flat" rational default. I always say "I think" in my native language, funnily enough in English (my second language) I can say "I feel" but I don't usually actually talk about feelings when I say that, it's just a phrase, weirdly enough "I feel" is a "flat" enough expression for me in English...
OK so hmm we differ there again, I can get a bit affected by the emotional expressions of the partner. Just not enough. Maybe I really have not found the right combination of intellectual compatibility and emotional compatibility in a partner so far. I've almost had the latter one, while intellectually it didn't work out, but probably that emotional compatibility wasn't good enough either, just better than anyone else before that guy.
If I try to imagine what it would be like with the right combination, I still think it would take time for me to get truly affected, though.
Anyway. I do relate to you with it where you talk about the rational coping mechanism being so effective that you don't even notice it.
:/Thanks for the discussion, if you have any other thoughts (or feelings
), feel free to write more of course.PS: Out of curiosity. Do you have an MBTI type?
Last edited by itsme82 on 06 Apr 2017, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
06 Apr 2017, 6:34 pm
Anngables wrote:
No I appreciate your input . . .. it all helps but I don't think it does fit him . . . .i do get affected but I think I do also have to take responsibility for my own reactions. . . .. . Maybe. It's complicated this being a human thing . . .isnt it?
OK no worries.
Btw. Where you said you two really don't fit together and that you two even joke about that... um, that could be a bit part of the issue.
