20 Apr 2017, 10:21 am
AngelRho wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
My wife has long been the breadwinner in our house some 8 years now. I work fewer hours, but the extra money I pick up from time to time pays vastly more by the hour, so it's starting to even out. With more time on my hands, the stinky diapers, feeding, etc. all fell on me. But I doubled up on using that time also looking for ways to supplement our income. I kept busy. It's beginning to pay off!
Why I don't cook: actually, I DO cook, but only certain times and certain things. Before we got married, I used to cook all the time and I LOVED it. All kinds of pasta, meat dishes, any kind of gourmet burger you can imagine, meatloaf actually worth eating, creme brulee, all that.
Then we got married. First, she complained about my spaghetti. So I stopped making spaghetti. Then she complained that some of my meals took too long to prep and cook, so I stopped making those. And finally, she said that I got to cook all the time in MY kitchen, and this was HER kitchen. I didn't bother discussing the absurdity of this with her, I just accepted the fact my cooking days were over.
And that's why I don't cook anymore.
I'm limited to oatmeal, bread baking/pizza night, outdoor grilling, special occasions, and anything involving the electric pressure cooker.
I used to try to do housework. She complained that I "didn't do it right." And then when the house was a mess after I'd been taking care of the baby, she'd ask "What do you do all day?"
And then she complains about how she has to work all day and STILL has to take care of laundry, dishes, and kids, can't really rest at night, and still feels worn out on her way to work. Um...well, all I can say is I tried!
Overall we have a happy marriage. We have the usual ups and downs you can expect from any marriage. We disagree on things, I have to apologize for things beyond my control, I'm at the mercy of shifting moods, and all that. You can't get around that, not even in the best situations. By far, it doesn't remotely overshadow the joy, the laughter, the love, the companionship, the long rides, the vacations, the "family nights" when someone else cooks, the birthday parties, holidays, the awards days at school, the archery tournaments, the music, screaming at the top of our lungs whenever Journey is on the radio, slow dancing to "Wonderful Tonight," and all that. Just tuning out the noise and being together the way we were when we were dating.
Everything else is just sealing the foundation. I'd LIKE to feel more useful. Instead I end up just getting in the way and causing more misery than I would if I just leave things alone. Somehow I always end up paying for it in the end, because no one is going to end up taking the blame for their own part in creating this particular monster, the whole "Rho can't do anything right in the kitchen, can't do laundry, etc." thing. That's one of the few things I've just had to learn to tune out. Once I take more responsibility in the kitchen, I've taken over "her" kitchen. Once I start folding towels, I "didn't do it right." She will still complain. I will still be wrong. She will still be tired and stressed out either way. I'd always prefer being right to being happy. HOWEVER, it's THIS case I choose to make my only exception!
Why I don't cook: actually, I DO cook, but only certain times and certain things. Before we got married, I used to cook all the time and I LOVED it. All kinds of pasta, meat dishes, any kind of gourmet burger you can imagine, meatloaf actually worth eating, creme brulee, all that.
Then we got married. First, she complained about my spaghetti. So I stopped making spaghetti. Then she complained that some of my meals took too long to prep and cook, so I stopped making those. And finally, she said that I got to cook all the time in MY kitchen, and this was HER kitchen. I didn't bother discussing the absurdity of this with her, I just accepted the fact my cooking days were over.
And that's why I don't cook anymore.
I'm limited to oatmeal, bread baking/pizza night, outdoor grilling, special occasions, and anything involving the electric pressure cooker.
I used to try to do housework. She complained that I "didn't do it right." And then when the house was a mess after I'd been taking care of the baby, she'd ask "What do you do all day?"
And then she complains about how she has to work all day and STILL has to take care of laundry, dishes, and kids, can't really rest at night, and still feels worn out on her way to work. Um...well, all I can say is I tried!
Overall we have a happy marriage. We have the usual ups and downs you can expect from any marriage. We disagree on things, I have to apologize for things beyond my control, I'm at the mercy of shifting moods, and all that. You can't get around that, not even in the best situations. By far, it doesn't remotely overshadow the joy, the laughter, the love, the companionship, the long rides, the vacations, the "family nights" when someone else cooks, the birthday parties, holidays, the awards days at school, the archery tournaments, the music, screaming at the top of our lungs whenever Journey is on the radio, slow dancing to "Wonderful Tonight," and all that. Just tuning out the noise and being together the way we were when we were dating.
Everything else is just sealing the foundation. I'd LIKE to feel more useful. Instead I end up just getting in the way and causing more misery than I would if I just leave things alone. Somehow I always end up paying for it in the end, because no one is going to end up taking the blame for their own part in creating this particular monster, the whole "Rho can't do anything right in the kitchen, can't do laundry, etc." thing. That's one of the few things I've just had to learn to tune out. Once I take more responsibility in the kitchen, I've taken over "her" kitchen. Once I start folding towels, I "didn't do it right." She will still complain. I will still be wrong. She will still be tired and stressed out either way. I'd always prefer being right to being happy. HOWEVER, it's THIS case I choose to make my only exception!
It's too bad about the cooking. I'd be grateful to come home to a home cooked meal (or breakfast since I work nights). Maybe if you wanted to cook one of the dishes that take longer just start earlier? I think it was the way I was brought up - my Ma made dinner and we all just accepted what it was and ate it. Believe me, sometimes I didn't like what she made and may have groaned about it a little, but now I wished I had those homecooked meals. People don't know what they have until it's gone. When I lived at home with my parents while I was going to nursing school and working, I was grateful when my Ma would just do a simple thing such as heating the water up for my coffee.
I think couples should actually sit down and discuss who should do what chores and once it is decided then you just do those things without being asked. If one has extra time to do something nice for the other - like baking cookies or something, then do that. People should also periodically tell the other one how much they are appreciated and thank them for something that they do - like taking out the trash or making an extra tasty dish. No one thanks anyone anymore - they just take things and people for granted.
Yeah, I miss the fun kitchen stuff. Maybe you can trade places with my wife?
Seriously, it really is a MINOR thing. And we've had that sit-down discussion more than once. It just doesn't work. We settled on our situation now because we found a balance that works for us. It's not perfect. But it's functional and keeps us from using the "D-word."
Just wondering, but why does she think it is "her" kitchen? I'm thinking it is because she is the one that brings in most of the income. This is why I keep saying that I need someone who at least makes the same as myself. I think both parties (even men, though they will say they don't) view the relationship differently when the woman is the breadwinner. I think it is just American culture for a family to resemble the Cleavers.
20 Apr 2017, 10:25 am
20 Apr 2017, 11:05 am
20 Apr 2017, 12:19 pm
Sweetleaf
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20 Apr 2017, 12:40 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2017, 12:53 pm
Campin_Cat
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20 Apr 2017, 12:56 pm
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
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Posts: 35,278
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20 Apr 2017, 1:51 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Amity wrote:
Quote:
If I'm working 70-80 hrs a week, I better not have to come home to a house where everything isn't spick and span. The house better be spotless and dinner on the table. And the lawn immaculate.
I've worked those type of hours and yes it's nice to have food handed to you when you get home.
If I was single and working those hours then I would have to do everything anyway.
I agree the household workload should be shared, but if I was a housewife I wouldn't appreciate the sentiments you expressed above being directed at me. I mean that you choose to be with your honey as they are... not everyone has the traditional life skills these days.
I think whatever household chores can be completed in a week in line with the persons physical abilities and health is reasonable. I mean if one person works those 70+ hours there should be time for the one at home to do activities for their own wellbeing, one person being exhausted is enough.
No one should be working 70+ hours a week consistently...maybe if there is an overtime opportunity for a short while. But yeah that's excessive people aren't work machines. My boyfriend just got a job that's going to mostly be 7 days a week and like 10 hour days but still not that bad.
Better than Coors that wanted him coming in for 12 hour shifts 7 days a week indefinitely never knowing if he'd get a day off for the weekend or not. I mean what kind of crap is that?
So you say no one should work 70+ yet your bf works 70 hours.
I thought 6, 10 hour days was more like 60 hours, that is what he is doing now working for a tree maintenance company. Also if its too rainy he'll get off days and gets sundays off, and so far he likes it so that's good.
It was Coors that had the crappy indefinite 12 hour shifts 7 days a week and that was terrible. He was endlessly exhausted and stuck in a 80 degree factory every day.
...I was worried he could get hurt either at work or driving to/from work due to sleep deprivation. Also a 70 hour week here and there isn't such a big deal but indefinitely?...that is B.S.
20 Apr 2017, 2:07 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
20 Apr 2017, 3:05 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Amity wrote:
Quote:
If I'm working 70-80 hrs a week, I better not have to come home to a house where everything isn't spick and span. The house better be spotless and dinner on the table. And the lawn immaculate.
I've worked those type of hours and yes it's nice to have food handed to you when you get home.
If I was single and working those hours then I would have to do everything anyway.
I agree the household workload should be shared, but if I was a housewife I wouldn't appreciate the sentiments you expressed above being directed at me. I mean that you choose to be with your honey as they are... not everyone has the traditional life skills these days.
I think whatever household chores can be completed in a week in line with the persons physical abilities and health is reasonable. I mean if one person works those 70+ hours there should be time for the one at home to do activities for their own wellbeing, one person being exhausted is enough.
No one should be working 70+ hours a week consistently...maybe if there is an overtime opportunity for a short while. But yeah that's excessive people aren't work machines. My boyfriend just got a job that's going to mostly be 7 days a week and like 10 hour days but still not that bad.
Better than Coors that wanted him coming in for 12 hour shifts 7 days a week indefinitely never knowing if he'd get a day off for the weekend or not. I mean what kind of crap is that?
So you say no one should work 70+ yet your bf works 70 hours.
I thought 6, 10 hour days was more like 60 hours, that is what he is doing now working for a tree maintenance company. Also if its too rainy he'll get off days and gets sundays off, and so far he likes it so that's good.
It was Coors that had the crappy indefinite 12 hour shifts 7 days a week and that was terrible. He was endlessly exhausted and stuck in a 80 degree factory every day.
...I was worried he could get hurt either at work or driving to/from work due to sleep deprivation. Also a 70 hour week here and there isn't such a big deal but indefinitely?...that is B.S.
10 days a hour is nothing....during projects And (most of the times there's a project going on)
I work almost daily from 9 till 10-11 pm or even midnight at days if I don't have night class till 9 which is currently M-W-F, a lot of times I work some hours in weekend to finish before deadlines.
Leave alone the bossy sales team/ clients's attitudes; and when something bad happens due to someone's else stupidity, you get blamed for it.
But I don't work in a factory so it's different, It's not a physical effort job.
Welcome to the real world, the traditional "men's role" world....duh, please take this sh***y "privilege" from us; take it all! I would much rather work as cook, washer and cleaner and be a 100% full time househusband .... I am even ready to breastfeed too (is it possible?
) while living on someone else's income.Btw....who's Coors?
20 Apr 2017, 3:37 pm
20 Apr 2017, 8:39 pm
20 Apr 2017, 8:41 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Amity wrote:
Quote:
If I'm working 70-80 hrs a week, I better not have to come home to a house where everything isn't spick and span. The house better be spotless and dinner on the table. And the lawn immaculate.
I've worked those type of hours and yes it's nice to have food handed to you when you get home.
If I was single and working those hours then I would have to do everything anyway.
I agree the household workload should be shared, but if I was a housewife I wouldn't appreciate the sentiments you expressed above being directed at me. I mean that you choose to be with your honey as they are... not everyone has the traditional life skills these days.
I think whatever household chores can be completed in a week in line with the persons physical abilities and health is reasonable. I mean if one person works those 70+ hours there should be time for the one at home to do activities for their own wellbeing, one person being exhausted is enough.
No one should be working 70+ hours a week consistently...maybe if there is an overtime opportunity for a short while. But yeah that's excessive people aren't work machines. My boyfriend just got a job that's going to mostly be 7 days a week and like 10 hour days but still not that bad.
Better than Coors that wanted him coming in for 12 hour shifts 7 days a week indefinitely never knowing if he'd get a day off for the weekend or not. I mean what kind of crap is that?
So you say no one should work 70+ yet your bf works 70 hours.
Ha! I just now read your post, but I saw that too!
20 Apr 2017, 8:47 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Amity wrote:
Quote:
If I'm working 70-80 hrs a week, I better not have to come home to a house where everything isn't spick and span. The house better be spotless and dinner on the table. And the lawn immaculate.
I've worked those type of hours and yes it's nice to have food handed to you when you get home.
If I was single and working those hours then I would have to do everything anyway.
I agree the household workload should be shared, but if I was a housewife I wouldn't appreciate the sentiments you expressed above being directed at me. I mean that you choose to be with your honey as they are... not everyone has the traditional life skills these days.
I think whatever household chores can be completed in a week in line with the persons physical abilities and health is reasonable. I mean if one person works those 70+ hours there should be time for the one at home to do activities for their own wellbeing, one person being exhausted is enough.
No one should be working 70+ hours a week consistently...maybe if there is an overtime opportunity for a short while. But yeah that's excessive people aren't work machines. My boyfriend just got a job that's going to mostly be 7 days a week and like 10 hour days but still not that bad.
Better than Coors that wanted him coming in for 12 hour shifts 7 days a week indefinitely never knowing if he'd get a day off for the weekend or not. I mean what kind of crap is that?
So you say no one should work 70+ yet your bf works 70 hours.
I thought 6, 10 hour days was more like 60 hours, that is what he is doing now working for a tree maintenance company. Also if its too rainy he'll get off days and gets sundays off, and so far he likes it so that's good.
It was Coors that had the crappy indefinite 12 hour shifts 7 days a week and that was terrible. He was endlessly exhausted and stuck in a 80 degree factory every day.
...I was worried he could get hurt either at work or driving to/from work due to sleep deprivation. Also a 70 hour week here and there isn't such a big deal but indefinitely?...that is B.S.
Have you ever worked a 70 hour week in a manual labor job?
20 Apr 2017, 8:51 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Amity wrote:
Quote:
If I'm working 70-80 hrs a week, I better not have to come home to a house where everything isn't spick and span. The house better be spotless and dinner on the table. And the lawn immaculate.
I've worked those type of hours and yes it's nice to have food handed to you when you get home.
If I was single and working those hours then I would have to do everything anyway.
I agree the household workload should be shared, but if I was a housewife I wouldn't appreciate the sentiments you expressed above being directed at me. I mean that you choose to be with your honey as they are... not everyone has the traditional life skills these days.
I think whatever household chores can be completed in a week in line with the persons physical abilities and health is reasonable. I mean if one person works those 70+ hours there should be time for the one at home to do activities for their own wellbeing, one person being exhausted is enough.
No one should be working 70+ hours a week consistently...maybe if there is an overtime opportunity for a short while. But yeah that's excessive people aren't work machines. My boyfriend just got a job that's going to mostly be 7 days a week and like 10 hour days but still not that bad.
Better than Coors that wanted him coming in for 12 hour shifts 7 days a week indefinitely never knowing if he'd get a day off for the weekend or not. I mean what kind of crap is that?
So you say no one should work 70+ yet your bf works 70 hours.
I thought 6, 10 hour days was more like 60 hours, that is what he is doing now working for a tree maintenance company. Also if its too rainy he'll get off days and gets sundays off, and so far he likes it so that's good.
It was Coors that had the crappy indefinite 12 hour shifts 7 days a week and that was terrible. He was endlessly exhausted and stuck in a 80 degree factory every day.
...I was worried he could get hurt either at work or driving to/from work due to sleep deprivation. Also a 70 hour week here and there isn't such a big deal but indefinitely?...that is B.S.
10 days a hour is nothing....during projects And (most of the times there's a project going on)
I work almost daily from 9 till 10-11 pm or even midnight at days if I don't have night class till 9 which is currently M-W-F, a lot of times I work some hours in weekend to finish before deadlines.
Leave alone the bossy sales team/ clients's attitudes; and when something bad happens due to someone's else stupidity, you get blamed for it.
But I don't work in a factory so it's different, It's not a physical effort job.
Welcome to the real world, the traditional "men's role" world....duh, please take this sh***y "privilege" from us; take it all! I would much rather work as cook, washer and cleaner and be a 100% full time househusband .... I am even ready to breastfeed too (is it possible?
) while living on someone else's income.Btw....who's Coors?
Boo, don't take this the wrong way, but if you work all of those hours how do you find time to be on this site and text all those women you tell us about? When I was working overtime and had school, I didn't even bother posting here because I was exhausted.
AngelRho
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Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
20 Apr 2017, 8:52 pm
