LONG READ: Need help with Aspie girl

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You did well, very well.

Keep ignoring her like that, and don't give a damn, retain your pride.

I only read page one. This is what I was talking about in a statement I made about my drunk neighbor "Biatch". Men say they don't want any women who are too much drama, yet they keep on going after them - just like with this one, then they wonder what went wrong and how can they fix it. Whatever. The woman sounds like a real class A b***h. If you can't see that, I don't know what to tell you.

I totally agree with you, we are the only two members here in this thread who dared to call her for what she really is.

And he still wants her attention! OP, have some pride!


Btw you surprise me every time in such threads, nurseangela, despite your religious conservative views, you do have egalitarian views when it comes to men-women relationships. Unlike some others, you didn't lecture the OP as if he's the bad one (hint: just because he's male) while justifying the girl's jerky actions (hint: just because she's female).
Your views are far more just than ....some proclaimed feminists.

I had to look up egalitarian. The guy didn't do anything wrong then she was telling him everything that was wrong with him, then ignoring him. She's clearly playing games - I hate games. He may not see it because he's young and may have a low self esteem. One thing I don't have is a low self esteem. I was talking to someone about this EHarmony stuff and how he said his now wife had to "nudge" him twice. I will say something to a guy on there once to show interest, but I'm not chasing anyone. I think someone who chases someone is showing that they are desperate and it gives the other person total control over the situation - interest has to be the same from both sides. If the other person doesn't show interest after I say something, then it's their loss. And if they start any game playing, then I'm outta there. The OP might benefit from taking that approach.

Excellent points, Boo.

I'm not the OP and I don't know this girl. I know the usual pattern with girls who act like that, BUT every situation is different. If she comes around and decides to initiate contact, I'm the first to say forgive and give a second chance.

Forgiveness is always good. It's just now you have a glimpse into her nature. It's hard, even when you forgive/forget, to move a relationship forward after you see that side of someone.

I don't want to get your hopes up. I don't want to give bad advice if she manages to turn herself around. Just be careful with this one.

The forgive and forget is a nice concept, however, people don't change that quick. She'll probably be coming back because she wasn't getting enough attention, then she'd lure him in and revert back to her usual A-hole self. It's all just a game to some people, but there are real feelings involved. I don't feel sorry for people when they go back to these kind of relationships hoping that the other person will change after they have seen behavior of how the person really is.

Example: there was a person on this site who I treated very nice and in the end they treated me like crap. Later, they emailed me thinking I would accept them back - nope, I saw them for who they really are and I refused to put myself in that predicament again thinking that they may have changed. Most of the time, people don't change and if they do it's usually for a short time. I don't want to take that gamble of being hurt and made a fool of a second time. What's that saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice you made an ass outta me.

I will give my close friends many more times before I cut them off, but they are not immune. You treat me like crap too many times and it's bye bye.

Well, truly nice people are consistently nice. I think you see a person's true character when they're at their worst.

Well, first-of-all, I don't see that the OP did anything, all that horrendous. I mean, the thing about telling her those guys talked smack, behind her back, wasn't good----but, goodness knows I'VE made gaffs, like that; so, to me, that's forgivable. The only other thing, was the apologizing so much, and I agree that that is annoying. Also, I think what Rho said, was right on the money: "Apologizing for stuff ALL the time diminishes the value of the apology... So save it for the big stuff.".

Now, I would never, in a million years, give a second thought to someone who used the eff-word and sent me suggestive pics, so early in getting to know one another----don't get me wrong, I cuss like a sailor, but I would NEVER do it, so early-on, and I would want a gentleman, and he wouldn't do that (INITIALLY - after we had developed a bit of relationship, then cussing's okay). As for the pics, even you said, yourself, they were suggestive----IMO, a girl who does that, is probably "fast"; and, that's not the kind of girl, usually, that one wants to take home, to Momma.

I agree with Boo, in that you should ghost her----and, it seems like you've done that, already, and that she's comin' back around, again----but, here's the problem, with that..... She said that the other people where she lives, say she's bossy. IMO, one could interpret that has "manipulative", and/or "controlling". I feel that when people are overly bossy, they're trying to manipulate you into doing things, the way THEY want them done; and thus, controlling the situation. I agree, then, with Boo, again, that you don't even want this girl, as a friend----cuz, here's how I see this situation, playing-out.....

She's gonna come back-around, more, and start talking to you again. You're gonna want to talk things out, that happened, before. She's gonna say: "Oh, let's just forget all of that". You're gonna say: "Oh, okay----yeah, let's just start, fresh". She's gonna be thinking: "Gotcha"----you're gonna be thinking: "Yeah, I should just give her, another chance". If anything even close to this scenario, happens, tell her "no" (meaning, that you won't continue-on with trying to build a relationship, if y'all can't talk it out). The reason why, is because, IMO, she will ALWAYS be disregarding (or, like Boo said "disrespecting") your feelings; and, YOU have rights, in the relationship, TOO.

Now, one last thought..... You said: "i feel sad for her that she has no friends and nobody to lean on and i've been in that position". That, IMO, is you feeling sorry for her----and that, is NO way to start a relationship; because, IMO, you're saying "maybe I can help her". Sure, help someone AFTER you have established a relationship----but, at THIS stage, if she's already so needy, she will forever be wanting you to do backflips, for her, and you will forever be doing them.

Bottom Line: (we, WPers, discussed this on another thread) Pick someone who is at least as "established" as you----don't pick someone whom you have to help get established----and, don't pick someone whom you have to work, really hard, to meet them where they are established, if you know what I mean (meaning, pick someone with whom you are, more equal).