Strange date

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I don't think you led him on by giving out your number, since you've been upfront also about the difference between his online and real life behaviour already. Maybe this honesty did give out a signal that you weren't really interested in him. It's easier to talk online than face-to-face though, so maybe that's why he's evasive during the latter.

I think the biggest issue here is physical attraction. Some women have learned to assume that guys in general are physically attracted to them, but guys never know for sure which women will be attracted to them "in that way". I have had the experience of a few women telling me they were strongly attracted to me, but my general impression was that most weren't. If a lady isn't attracted to you physically, then you can never hope for anything better than the friend zone.

I think we avoid the whole physical aspect when we discuss "dating". For a couple to "click" there must be mutual physical attraction. Without that, it doesn't matter if they share a love for 20th Century Italian cinema or whatever. And so far as I can tell, female attraction to men either happens or doesn't, and is usually determined at first meeting.

I will guess that many of these guys that have lost interest did so because they didn't sense that the OP is physically attracted to them. They have learned through hard experience not to waste time and effort. If they had gotten a clear signal otherwise, they would have stayed interested. I've experienced this myself. Unfortunately, the OP is too inexperienced (and probably afraid) to verbally express physical desire for any of her dates, and is unable to give out nonverbal "signals".

Assuming the OP does feel physically attracted to any of her dates, she may at some point have to take a risk and flat out indicate so, either by trying to kiss the guy, touching him in some sort of sensual way, or simply expressing her interest verbally. I understand there is some risk involved (like everything worthwhile in life).

I know there are women on this forum who have actually done what I suggest. I should know that women do it because I've experienced it (especially due to my poor ability to pick up on "signals").

Can anybody else speak to this subject from personal experience?

EDIT: It occurred to me, that if the OP wants to be up front about her feelings, she could try to communicate that she is physically attracted to her date but not yet ready to actually do anything physical, that she might need some time. Any guy unwilling to go along with that is probably not worth her attention. However she may find that she needs less time to "get ready" than she anticipated!

One of them told me that they were worried about age difference because they said that I looked like I could be one of their students. I think it might be something more though.

The one in the OP said that we didn't seem to share many interests and didn't have anything to talk about.


There was also someone else who I met a few days ago who I never heard back from and hasn't been on the site since. They gave me their number before we met up. They seemed like they might have been interested because they mentioned that they were going to go to some kind of meeting and when I asked if they needed to go they said they could stay longer. I'm not sure though if they weren't interested or if maybe they are expecting me to text them. They would randomly laugh sometimes so maybe I made them uncomfortable.

You've met more than 20 guys, you should be able to gather more data /nerd.

Just how much of an age difference was there, really? The perceived age difference much have been huge for a guy to react that way.

If you really look that young IRL (you do look young in your photos) perhaps you should deliberately try to meet younger guys. If there's a university nearby, you could try hanging out there. I'm completely serious about that. If you look young enough to fit in, there's nothing creepy about it. You might be genuinely more comfortable with the less-experienced guys you wouldmeet there.

^ He was 6 years older than me.

He said this:

Oh hey! I guess it was the age difference. You looked like the undergrads that I teach. However, I don't want you to think that I took the decision of not taking it to the next step easily. I guess I'm old school However, I had an amazing chat with you and I wish you the best.

Yes, I live near a University. Maybe I could try that.

Some of them never replied or deleted their profiles and there were also some that I didn't feel interested in. Some of them were guys who I met 4 years ago on another site. I heard from a couple more though and they both told me that they thought that I wasn't interested in them and one wants to meet again.

Were you interested in those who thought that you were not interested.

Yes.

I got another message from the one I met last weekend and he said that I was too timid.

See? It is easy to get info from guys, slw

At least they give you feedback. Guys would never dream to get such feedback; all they would get is "I felt no chemistry" lol - how helpful.

Timidity, appearing not interested,.... here's a pattern.

I am glad you accept that there's a problem - yes, it is not normal to get nothing from dating 22 different guys, not even a kiss, and not having any bf at your age yet despite using internet dating for few years which is totally in your favor numbers-wise (it is a sausage fest): There *is* a problem (and I have a problem too, and any over 25 years with zero to little relationship exp certainly has a problem.)

And you're on the right track to find it/them out; and so far it seems, one of them at least, to be your lack of showing interest.

You must learn how to show interest toward the guys you like.

There have been guys that would say similar things that weren't helpful. They would just say really vague things like "I didn't feel an emotional connection", but wouldn't get into details.

I was in a ldr with someone on here for a few months, but never met them in person so I'm not sure if that would even count as a relationship.

I'm hoping some of the feedback might help with other things because a lot of people in general treat me poorly and I can't avoid them.

I'm not really sure how though. I thought that smiling and asking questions would be showing interest. Maybe I'll try to move closer to them.

Do you initiate texting/chat after the first date?

I have a couple of times, but usually I don't. I just thought if they were interested they would initiate with me after we met. The one guy did say though that one of the reasons he thought that I wasn't interested because I didn't message after we met. I could start doing that more though.

Yes, *do* that.

Initiating messages is the surest way of showing interest.

Slw, you should accept the fact that men have changed; they are no longer like the men in the past who were expeced to initate everything; and were so much more stereotypically predictable.

Like it or not, but there are popular manosphere circles out there, like the MGTOW, who are teaching guys how to preseve their pride, how not to be romance lapdogs drooling for women's attention desperately; like how many men were used to be for generations.
There is a new "play hard to get" culture rising among young men (exactly like women who were doing it for ages).

For example, they are being taught how to test women's interest while preserving self dignity - one of the most common tactics is not to always initiate texting to women but to wait...wait... wait ... till she initiates texting! If she never does so then she is considered to be not interested.
Nowadays, men of my genration and the younger ones expect more *reciprocity* in initiating things and courting; otherwise it won't work.

Lemme give you a concrete example in reciprocity:

1- Guy asks you out, you say yes. Intiation score is Guy: 1 / You: 0

After the date, it is *your* turn to initiate communication at least, like initiating text. Why? Because him asking you out was an initiation from his part - you cannot expect him to risk his dignity twice in a row.

So if you want the guy, your next move must be:

2- You text him next day how great the date was and looking forward for more meetups.
Guy: 1 / You: 1

... and so on.

Follow my instructions for while, and you will have a bf, a guy you like, in no time.

Good grief, what's happening to the world. Everything is a test and a game.

I'm bowing out. I prefer rdos method lol

^ Men are imitating women in courting; that what's happening.

But if everyone is passive then no one ever makes a move. If no one tells anyone the rules have changed, no one knows they should make a move.

Two wrongs don't make a right.