Having trouble getting past the first date.

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Yeah, I plan not to talk about it anymore. Because they act like I'm a sociopath or something. Also, most women I date have children, mainly because I'm in my mid 30s, and I think I'll be some horrible person with their children. Even though I have a daughter, and me and her get along famously. But, they tend to not take that into consideration.

Hello

It must be something about your behaviour during dinner. Unfortunately women are trained from birth not to be honest if doing so might cause offence. It would be really helpful to get a review from one of your dates as to what specifically you are doing wrong. People don't usually hate me till they've gotten to know me a little bit, and even then it's because they think I do things oddly just to annoy them. So it must be something really odd that you're doing.

Do you say that during dinner ever, that the only women interested in you are sluts or fat girls? if you do, you are saying she is a slut and fat because she has agreed to go out with you.

The reason they think Asperger's is no problem is ignorance, they are not trying to lead you on. They think it won't matter, but it does. I'm not sure not telling them will help, I think you need to find out exactly what your doing wrong. Do you have any female friends/family you could have a mock date with, someone who would be honest with you.

How is your eye contact?

From my own experience I'd say that the first impression is pretty important to many people, both male and female, and by first impression I mean the first face to face -contact.

I understand it feels unfair to you that they won't give you a second chance, but I also understand those women. Most likely they have their own lives and a limited amount of time, so if they come to the conclusion that the man does not interest them after the first date, what logical reason would they have to agree to a second date? I don't know about you, but if someone agreed to a second date with me despite already having come to a conclusion that I wasn't their type then being cut off after the second date would hurt more than being cut off after the first. Getting a second date tends to get one's hopes up, doesn't it?

And I think that a good loyal man is what around 98 % of women want (excluding non-hetero sexual women.) The problem is that people have different ideas of what a "good loyal man" is. And I'm pretty sure men have different ideas about what a "good loyal woman" is like, too.

Yeah, try what happens if you don't mention AS. Most people have no idea what it is, therefore it won't help them understand you better, but it may make them more wary if they notice something strange about you.

I think what fluffysaurus says is also spot on. Something you do likely puts them off and you need to figure out what that is.

But all I'm doing is being myself. But, I guess it's to much to ask for someone to like you for who you are. I do ramble some times, and eye contact is spotty. It's because I get really nervous when I meet someone for the first time. And I probably don't pick up on their nonverbal cues. I probably say something inappropriate, but they never tell me what I did, so fixing it, becomes hard. I always say for an aspie you need to get to know them, before you make a snap judgment. But, women won't let that happen. They're to wrap up in their Disney fantasy!

You sound quite bitter towards women in general here... is there any chance that that bitterness leaks off of you somehow in face to face meetings? Like something that makes them feel like you are already thinking: "this won't work anyway, she must already think she's too good for me." Could there be something about your body language that says something like this? 'Cause I'm sure that would make women uncomfortable and/or see you as anything but a potential partner.

Not that I'm saying that this is the case, but it is one possibility and if you want things to change, please do consider the idea before completely abandoning it.

I am somewhat bitter towards women, because if past history. I also don't like when they tell you they like you, then all of the sudden change their minds. I have been told by one woman that something seems off about you. But, she didn't say what that was. She at least gave me a chance. We went on three dates. But that was 2 years ago. From then on its been the I like you as long as we're talking on the phone, but then we meet, and it's like I'm Jeffery Dalmer! It's really frustrating.

It sounds more and more that it's about body language... if this had happened with just one or two women then there'd be a chance that they were just rude or something, but if this happens all the time then there probably is something "off" about you. The reason that that one woman didn't say what it was was probably because she didn't know how to explain it... kind of like I find looking people in the eyes a very uncomfortable thing to do, but can't really explain why it makes me uncomfortable.

Do you have some close friends or other people you can trust that you could run a little test with? As in pretend that you're on a date or something and see if your friend picks up something about the things you do or say that could be the thing that bothers women. Of course, this method isn't really that reliable since a friend of yours probably knows you so well that he or she has learned to ignore the weird things you possibly do or that you won't do things you do on dates because you know the person yet you won't notice that you're doing something differently than you do on actual dates.

If you’re bitter about women, why are you trying to date?

Yes and no. Ideally you would find someone who likes you for who you are, but no one is obliged to like you. They're all individuals who make their individual choices. In some cases each individual happens to make the same choice, but it's not like some 'conspiracy' as they don't even know about each other.


Then that might be why your dates go wrong. A bit of nervousness is not even necessarily bad, but a lot of nervousness can make her uncomfortable too and just might not make the date very enjoyable. Rambling also may be a problem, depending on how much and about what.
As one of your previous posts seemed quite aggressive, you don't do that during dates, do you? Because getting aggressive is a mayor red flag, and will make anyone in her right mind not want to go on a second date with you.


I'm not sure if you mean you always say this on here on this forum, or if you actually tell that to the women you date. If it's the second, that's a bad idea. It puts presser on her to make things work, when that is something the both of you are equally responsible for.
It's also not really a Disney fantasy. It's just a matter of people not having infinite amounts of time. Most of these women probably have first dates with other guys too, and most of them can get second dates. They choose to go on a second date with a guy with whom they enjoyed the first date.


Obviously, if she doesn't know what Aspergers is, she also can't know if it will be a problem. So, she doesn't intentionally lie when she says it's not a problem. She probably does the first thing that comes to her mind, which includes trying to be polite, which includes trying not to insult you due to your condition. If she replies quickly she also doesn't have time to think it over in detail. She says it won't be a problem because she doesn't know it will be.

If you get pissed off if someone doesn't want to go on a second date with you, they probably made the right decision in not doing so.


You said yourself they don't know what Aspergers is. Of course they also don't know if it is curable then. What they ask is probably an innocent question. The ones who ask if there's a way to fix your Aspergers, was that before, during or after the date? If it's after the date, your chances with this women were already gone.
If it's during the date, lashing out at her due to an innocent question is a good way to make sure there won't be another date.
You may be way too defensive when it comes to your Autism and take a lack of knowledge about it way too personal. They're not obliged to be experts about Autism.

But how are they supposed to know if they like you before they even met you? It's probably true that they like you, or the little part of you they know at that time, when they tell you they like you. But once they met you, they didn't like what more they got to know about you. They can't predict the future, therefore can only tell you what they think is the truth at the time they say something and not what turns out to be the truth later on.

So basically with all the advice I'm getting. I should either pretend to be something I'm not, or just give up? Lol Really helpful! All I'm asking is for someone to hold judgment until they really get to know me. Of course women don't understand this concept. I would give a lady a chance that lasted more than one date, or 10 min. I am who I am. I shouldn't have to put on a show for someone to like me. For aspie women, you don't have to initiate anything, and you're a man's wet dream. I have to deal with women who think I'm supposed to be some highly social, emotional being. But since I have a Aspergers, that is never gonna happen. But I can be a honest, loyal trustworthy friend. But apparently since I'm too f*****g weird, that isn't going to happen.

Because I don't want to be alone the rest of my life! I would like a friend and Lover! But apparently that's to much to ask for.

Yes it's really easy being an Aspie female, we just fall on our back when we sight a male and stick our legs in the air and hey presto happy ever after.
Why is there no fu*king sarcasm emoji.

Taking a break from dating does not equate to being alone forever. That is irrational.

So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong Who said this thread didn’t have great advice?