Aspie girl is afraid to meet me....help?

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They've been a couple online for a couple of weeks, that's not that long. Since she must have thought she would be able to meet him or she wouldn't previously have agreed she's unlikely to be someone who is unable to leave the house or unable to meet any knew person, more likely this was all a bit too much in one go. Let her choose when it's time, if he has the patience. If he's an impatient person it might be better if he doesn't continue, someone anxious and someone impatient would not be a good match.

The last time I went on a first date with someone who asked me out, in real life (we had met three times) I spent four hours in hysterics trying things on and thinking I looked stupid, and then turned up in jeans, trainers, and a t'shirt. On my only blind date I was a lot calmer because I had very low expectations.

For most nt women couple of weeks is too long to not met up yet. They tend to want to meet up after 2-3 messages.

I don't understand what the 'safety' issue is: nobody is suggesting anyone, male or female meet up on a first date in a back alley somewhere. I usually picked Starbucks for my first dates because they are usually comfortable and very busy at the same time but the local mall, McDonalds, or any such place would work just fine.

Would this same person turn down a job interview because it would require being alone in an office with a (usually male) boss? I highly doubt it. Sometimes in life you have to take small risks and that includes meeting new people.

By the tithe she isn't NT.

I'm a bit curious about this. How did it solve itself (I assume it did)?

I think this is something in ND/Aspie female psychology, but I'm unsure what the solution is. An ND girl could enjoy staying physically close to you (but out of sight), even playing real-life games, might chat or monologue online, but cannot go through with a real-life meeting even when she wants to.

I kept asking her and after three months we agreed to meet in a public place.

I stipulated that though I find her beautiful I wouldn't want anything sexual on the first date.

It helped that we both find each other attractive and kind.

So are you still planning to meet her?

Or did you already meet her?

We've met c. a dozen times now.

We've even given up pretending otherwise and admitted we're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Nice one!

This. This right here. Perfect endgame.

I have to admit it's nice being proven wrong. Keep proving me wrong!

You have a lot more courage than I do, for sure. I wouldn't have given this one another chance.

I do advise that people have a cutoff limit. I'm all about people who struggle at getting dates to start just by getting to know as many MOOS as possible, and not just that, but as many PEOPLE as possible. Make acquaintances and friends. Form ongoing relationships even if they haven't even the remotest chance of turning romantic, the idea being to stay in the habit of adding people to your circle. Relationships are relationships no matter what, so it's useful to take full advantage of those earliest stages just to find an open door somewhere.

When you feel you know someone well enough and you have some indication of trust, asking someone on a low/no-pressure gtg is reasonable and you should feel you have enough of a chance of getting that date to ask. You can try again in a week if you get rejected. But if you're still getting rejected after a 3rd attempt, it's generally best to just move on.

Kudos to staying the course and getting the girl, anyway! It seems in her mind it was more a safety and trust issue, and you broke down some barriers. That's always my main concern, knocking down walls and getting through when she otherwise thinks you're a nice guy. This is good.

What I'm worried about now is if you're calling yourselves bf/gf, did it happen only because your persistence pressured her into it somehow? I wouldn't bring this up in conversation, i.e. never look a gift horse in the mouth. I also wouldn't overthink it or obsess about it. I'm just saying don't take it for granted. Most likely if you experience problems over the course of the relationship, it's traceable to some problem that made her hesitate to meet you in the first place. There's no way to fix it at that point IF you reach that point. Just don't let it surprise you when it happens.

You never know what can happen. Sounds like things are off to a great start, so best of luck to you! Keep us posted on how things are going. L&D can always use some positive stories about things working out.

A nice example of two NDs getting together, and it has a few things to learn people about ND-ND relationships too. The bad thing is how many NDs said they would move on instead of putting down some effort. With that kind of attitude, they will never get together with another ND. And here we are only talking about a few months, not a few years.

I've done the online realtionship thing with two women who are on the spectrum, my 2nd & my current girlfriend. I met up with my 2nd girlfriend after doing the long-distance online thing for about 6 months. i met up with my current girlfriend after doing the long-distance online thing a couple months. I was anxious both times & they were both anxious but we trusted & liked each other & had enough faith in our relationship to risk meeting up. We didn't meet up in neutral locations either cuz of the distance issue. I went to my 2nd girlfriend's parents & spent the weekend with her & my current girlfriend spent a couple weeks at my place with my parents.
I'm not saying the OP should dump her even thou this is very suspicious behavior that's very common with catfish cuz it's possible she might just be very anxious but he needs to ask himself if he can handle a relationship with an anxious person who may regularly bail on things. My current girlfriend has anxiety issues & she does cancel plans at the last minute which can frustrate the hell out of me sometimes but I deal with it cuz I really love her & she's worth it. She's also trying to stick to plans more so it's sort of a compromise.

Our living a bit over a half hour drive from each other may help our relationship.

We can give each other space that way.

BTW she's concluded that I wasn't the main cause of her discomfort and she's grateful I respected her feelings.