Why the hangup about no spouse/SO?

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You're speaking to someone who is over a decade older than you. Keep in mind that you may not be able to get dates or casual sex at this age, but in ten years when you've become much more confident and gained valuable life experience as well as perspective, knowledge, and a better sense of who you are, you may have no problem attracting girls the same age as you are now as well as girls your own age. So the pool of potential partners gets much larger, at least for a straight guy.

I certainly had a different mentality when I was 21. Older guys would tell me stories of the girls they'd dated and I had this suspicion that when I was their age, I wouldn't have any stories to tell. Throughout my teens and early 20s, I had this fear that I would end up alone and that I wouldn't have any girlfriends. That certainly has not been the case.

I've been pretty private about my love life on WP up until now but I'm going to try to be more open about it because I want guys to know what's possible.

Last edited by alex on 26 Mar 2018, 6:01 am, edited 1 time in total.: grammar

There is a reason why people go on dates and learn to know each other before they rush get married. People who ignore this let the feeling in their hearts take over their brain get married and have kids without thinking, they learn this the hard way.

I like being single, i can do whatever i want, when i want, but i also hate being alone. I seriously want a real relationship with cuddling, kissing, holding hands while going for a walk, hiking together, having sex, travelling together and taking pictures from all corners of the world before it is destroyed by a narcissist who mistook the red button for the "send tweet" button - but i do not want a relationship at any cost.

It's a matter of finding the right person so you do not add more bad things in life, a relationship should be both give and take. Beneficial to both. Symbiosis or whatever adjective you may want to describe it with.

Too many people are desperate to be with someone, and it shows on those episodes of COPS with domestic abuse.

^^ this is very true.

When I dated (although I am not sure I would call it dating) decades ago, I always thought of it as a relationship between needs and wants. The more you needed to be in a relationship the more you compromised what you wanted from that relationship. If you didn't need a relationship you could focus on your wants.

It never seemed a good idea to think that another person would fill some "hole" that was there waiting to be made complete. Much better to complete oneself (or rather be on the journey of completing oneself) before embarking on a relationship.

Also, trial and error is somewhat key. When I met my husband I knew that he had the qualities I wanted in my partner. However, he had never had another relationship..... perhaps that is why he didn't have the sense to run for the hills.

I don't know to say that dating someone on the spectrum would work out or not work out but I know there are varying degrees to how it would work out. About a year and a half ago I met a guy who was autistic at a local event I attended. I think he had a crush on me and his mom was like an alpha female type and was really protective of him. I found out he was 7 years younger then me and knew it wasn't gonna work out based upon that fact alone. I had decided from my first ex that I wasn't gonna date guys younger then me Especially since I am still in my 20s anyway.

But I find that challenge is very important in a relationship. I realize that having been with my current boyfriend for over a year. There's just some things that can not be obtained when 2 people are on the same page in every sense of speaking. That is also another reason why a prior relationship failed. There needs to be difference, there needs to be challenge somewhere, balance, and things like that.