Do you use this forum for dating/hookup/romantic interests?

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Fair enough.

I know the difference when I say "pretty little gay boy," vs. "pretty gay little boy," but others may not - hence this thread.

The part that irks me most is that whoever is/are responsible for "warning," EzraS simply assumed that I'm a pedophile & would send sexually suggestive messages to underage males here vs. having a conversation about it either on the forum or via PM in order to clarify.

I've sent EzraS some kind words in the past, a year or two ago, but that is IT. Never Ever have I sent him, or anyone here or on any forum on the internet, any sort of dating/hookup/romantic or sexual type of PM.

You are looking at it the wrong way imo , I know it probably feels like an insult and it's going to irk you. Unfortunately we live in a dangerous world which can made worse if you're autistic , I think the 'members' involved were just looking out for a younger member , in my experience this forum has some nasty people so it is understandable.
I know you don't give a f**k what others think , your attitude appears to be 'I've done nothing wrong, so I am in the right' which I think is probably a typical autistic view but it can be unhelpful if you don't understand where others are coming from ( not easy I know )

Claiming to not give a f**k and actually not giving a f**k are different things.

^

So true , for decades I believed I didn't give a f**k but it couldn't be further from the truth

I don't bother trying with this site for dating purely because of there being such minuscule odds of any success here. Likely due to there being more males than females diagnosed on the spectrum, there seem to be more guys here to start with, and as a straight guy, they're not going to appeal. Most of the women here are probably too old for me, and those that aren't probably don't live in my area. i don't think I've seen any women here from my area at all so there's that. Even if I met someone from my area and of a suitable age, I'd have to be interested in them and them me for anything to happen. And then because most people here don't use pictures of themselves, there'd need to be a photo exchange to ensure mutual physical attraction is present. All in all, it's just extremely unlikely I'd meet someone on this site with whom the prospect of a relationship would even exist.

You try being a gay man and not being irked by the generations old stereotype that gay = pedophile. It is EXTREMELY difficult for anyone in my position to look at it any other way than that. You really think gay men are going to go "Oh, it's okay.. I get it, they were just warning underage males that they think I'm a pedophile because I'm gay. That's totally acceptable and I understand it from their POV." F that! These people need to know that they are in the wrong for making those assumptions about me, or any other gay man, on the basis that they're openly gay.

Goldfish, do you actually know the context of this message that Ezra received? I don't think the content was actually stated so I'm questioning if this whole debate in this thread is based on assumption.

Only the context of the forum thread where he stated it. Obviously I have not read his PM's. He did not say who messaged him, but indicated that it was more than one person when he used a plural form. And so, as an out gay man, this pisses me off - and IMO, rightfully so.

I have never ever EVER said anything sexual about children. Anything I've posted here about children might be about my God kids or nephews or kids at a homeless shelter I've raised money to help.

It is possible that I'm incorrect, but it seems obvious to me that whoever felt the need to "warn," EzraS did so because they equate gay with pedophile & that's just not okay.

I would try to ignore drama. You get all types on forums, and some people's intentions are hard to parse.

I post as a pastime, but I would be open to it if we had a lot in common (beyond just Asperger's) and were in a similar place in life. I've made some pretty good friends on forums years ago, and I could see us having gotten together if things worked out differently in terms of relationships, college, etc.

Messaging someone you don't know looking for something to happen is a fast track to hurt, though. Most people aren't built for long-distance and there's a lot that goes into actually being happy together.

goldfish21 wrote: "I know the difference when I say "pretty little gay boy," vs. "pretty gay little boy," but others may not - hence this thread."

There is also the glitch that all words have at least two meanings, along of course with the problem of understanding one thing and comprehending another thing. A girlfriend once for instance asked me during a carnal session to say something dirty to her, so I said "Mud" ~ she said, "No ~ something 'really' dirty!" so I said, "Sewage." Another learning curve moment there ~ hey ho.

goldfish21 wrote: "The part that irks me most is that whoever is/are responsible for "warning," EzraS simply assumed that I'm a pedophile & would send sexually suggestive messages to underage males here vs. having a conversation about it either on the forum or via PM in order to clarify."

From what I have read so far over the last week 'almost', so not knowing much here of past events, it seems you have understood 'leer' in the 'lascivious' sense, rather than being 'leery of someone' in the distrustful sense. When though I first read the statement, I took 'leery' to mean as you have. Only it made no contextual or grammatical sense to me ~ what with leery 'at' and leery 'of'. I thought that 'weary' was possibly meant instead. So I checked several dictionaries and etymologies and the distrustful sense was the relevant one given the nature of the disagreements. Raleigh also described the distrustful sense of 'leery' as being meant.

goldfish21 wrote: "I've sent EzraS some kind words in the past, a year or two ago, but that is IT. Never Ever have I sent him, or anyone here or on any forum on the internet, any sort of dating/hookup/romantic or sexual type of PM."

It seems very much to me that you have made a very reasonable mistake here regarding the offense taken, and what you have described of your relationships ~ seems perfectly reasonable to me. Whichever way we creatively walk, talk or otherwise, individuality is not a crime ~ we just have to do the time!

Personally I find it easy to identify with your take on things, and oh my whole life I very much relate with the communication problems you have been having. I am myself though particularly cautious with scientific information that I along with others have known for decades, as challenging the social norm and disproving traditional knowledge has in my experience tended to involve a lot of academic and anti-academic lynch mob type scenarios ~ so I take the little at a time approach to information provision; because I so very often overdo it with the way too much information calamity ~ even in minimal bits! A close childhood friend for instance told me a joke about myself, "You can always tell when [Deepthought] has finished speaking to people ~ there are only skeletons, rags and cobwebs left!" which is my favourite, along with being "A lesbian trapped in man's body!" although I do not feel trapped as such.

As far as the gut-flora thing goes, I got introduced to it back in 1997, as one of my therapeutic friends taught it along with other things, and her partner was considered the top holistic geezer in England at the time. He met a number of times with the British government in attempt to wise them up on the necessity for organic whole foods, probiotics and all that ~ concerning the nutritional health crisis as it was then. Obviously his evidence and recommendations got mostly ignored as not being cost effective, but with things as such having proven to be nothing close to cost effective ~ things are beginning to change for the better now. My friends though at the time decided to emigrate, and you are now the third person I know of presently who is very much into the gut flora thing ~ hence the major bonus factor for me.

Just though as an attempt to keep on topic with the thread in case I have diverged too far off track, here is an e-mail I sent a year ago to a female friend as we were joking about internet dating:

"I mean you hear complete stranger stories of web marriages between people sort of like perhaps George Bennett, aged 53, from somewhere rural in England, and Suzette Romovstotsky age unknown even by Suzette ~ from somewhere seriously rural in Russia. Only Suzette just happens to have a female name, but otherwise he is thirteen feet tall, providing we are considering seriously huge feet here, and so very heavily built ~ that even Grizzly Bares would develop immediate inferiority complex issues on sight! Oh, and of course, the reason Suzette lives so far out in the wilderness ~ is that he loves wholeheartedly going out to pat and hug things, which for those things was utterly smashing, cracking and car compacting as far as last moments went!"

Hopefully this has some amusement value here also.

Last edited by Deepthought 7 on 19 May 2018, 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The context of the forum conversation was after a surface level discussion of my sex life starting around this page here:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=363143&start=285

and it goes on for a couple of pages before EzraS makes his comment stating "Someone even sent me a PM telling me to be leery of you." so it's a bit of a stretch to suggest it was merely meant to imply mistrust and had nothing at all to do with me being gay.

All men are catching up with that stereotype dude - men = pedophile, rapist etc nowadays

This is the year of the woman , stand back if you don't want to be obliterated.

I think it's a bit of stretch to imply it has anything to do with you being gay ( although there are people who are twats on this forum )

I prefer the Chinese Zodiac this year.. 2018 is the Year of the Dog -> that's me!

I don't think so. YMMV. However, I did ask for clarification that it was in fact because I am openly gay & did not receive a response so can't say for certain.

Regardless, I, personally, have never used this or any forum to send sexually suggestive messages. I think I've seen one, maybe two, photos of users here that at first glance I thought "Yeah, I'd do him," BUT, I know they're heterosexual and half a world away so 100% moot - especially when I can open up an app and see who I find attractive, that is gay, and is displayed according to geographical distance from me right down to the meter. Sooooo, for all those who are leery of openly gay men on a forum (:roll:) fear not, for there are plenty of willing & ready homos available to us at the click of an app.